Kelly, I can't even imagine what that was like. Its like a sink or swim type scenario. I am glad you floated. I spent most of my night laying awake thinking about what would I do in that situation. I would have bought a pack of smokes and gone to bar, got drunk in the hope that the situation would have changed by the time I sobered up several days later. Aka, I would sink like a stone I think. I can't tell until it happens of course. It does however make me realise how lucky I am in the respect that I haven't been chucked out yet. :)
Right day 1 of my mini plan.
Step 1) Check and ensure all debts I ever had have been paid off in full (one less thing to worry about)
Step 2) Ask about ironing
Step 3) Read the self-esteem book right through
All three steps will be done at the same time but some will take longer than others. This is the start I am looking at. There are many many more steps to be added btw. Just thought I would continue sharing :)
The days not smoked counter is a strange thing. I am really proud of it. I read the numbers with pride. 147! Its just me seeing how far I can get before I succumb really though. Like the competition to see how many sausages you can eat before throwing up. I always want to smoke, I just have been denying myself that option. I don't begrudge all these people happily moving along and becoming free-er and more alive and then leaving the nest never to be seen on SSC again. It just brings up thoughts of 'what the feck is wrong with me'?
The short of it is that I currently am going along the lines of thinking that if I fix myself then I may in turn fix the reason why I would want to smoke. 147 days along the line it is no longer a chemical addiction but a mental one. This will explain all the recent strange posts and analysis books. :)
My other analogy would be like owning a ferarri and giving the keys over every day for someone else to drive. Yes, there is a high chance that you will die in the ferrari but it's one fun drive. One of the reasons you don't drive the ferarri though is that the anti-ferrari squad have made it illegal to drive on certain parts of the road. :)
I am known for my analogies.
I keep on not smoking because a) I enjoy writing and reading at the SSC (It is now my life) b) I can proudly say I am a smokefree uncle c) to prove the doubters wrong. A screwed up person can make it. d) I sometimes feel good about it (one day that feeling might grow in minutes)
In some ways it is a bit like biting the nose to spite the face or something...I think...I spend my life in a permanantly confused state nowadays. I often have no idea what is the right or wrong way to think. :) Maybe that is why I SHOULD stay quiet and just read other peoples stories on how they live.
Glad you are liking the triple digit quits. Next stop is the speed boat cruise I think.
***
Lizzie, thanks for the post. Having thought about it, it wasn't the wisest idea me giving that book to a post natal hormonal mother :) I still just see her as younger sis. Not really as a mother. I guess that will change. The amount of times I have walked in on my sister with her boobs out feeding grace is quite astounding. Can't get used to that either. But it has heightened my interest in how things work. I was asking questions like 'How do you know when there is no milk left? And if you run out, can you use the semi skimmed in the fridge?' Breast feeding is something that I have not really thought about. It is totally natural though, so that is cool. Luckily me and my sister have a totally cool and great relationship. I tell her everything about what goes in my head about smoking. She also diverts the conversation at the dinner table when I am being beaten down.
I really liked your bit about the bus pass Lizzie, so what did you do? and did it really matter if you were late?
I have had exactly the same thing btw, except I got a lift and then the lecture in the car! :) As my mums driving scares me at the best of times, I would just agree and hope I made it to the destination alive (hi mum :) ).
I did think about what you said and you are totally right (again). I think my dad may have been wound up at the time. He's really nice and placid mostly.
I can say that you took me to look at it at a different angle and that really helped me get over it (these things go round and round in my head). So a big thanks on that! Next time I will think 'Is there something more to this than meets the eye?'
Anyway, I have done enough public self analysis for an entire yea, within a couple of days :) I hope it will help anyone else who is going through these thoughts to come to a postive conclusion.
Me? Well now I have a plan, I feel way better now. Thanks for all your help. I still want to see your own attempts at positive self-talk though :)
Happy Thursday
from
Kevin
p.s. I am making it a yay day.
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B]7/12/2007
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 147
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 3,675
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] �617.40
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 18 [B]Hrs:[/B] 9 [B]Mins:[/B] 44 [B]Seconds:[/B] 17
