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I Fell :(


16 years ago 0 715 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
wow sullydog what a concept :) thank you! Just breathe......... [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]8/15/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 0 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 0 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $0.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 1 [B]Mins:[/B] 7 [B]Seconds:[/B] 6
  • Quit Meter

    $26,766.00

    Amount Saved

  • Quit Meter

    Days: 585 Hours: 18

    Minutes: 42 Seconds: 59

    Life Gained

  • Quit Meter

    4461

    Smoke Free Days

  • Quit Meter

    89,220

    Cigarettes Not Smoked

16 years ago 0 715 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
You know I was thinking about self-worth and how sometimes I have it for myself & other times/alot of times I need to get it from other people. I wonder if ever in this lifetime I'll just learn how to have it without needing another person to give it to me. I don't know if I'm making any sense (as Audrey would say :) & yes u did), but the bottom line is I wonder if I'll ever learn to love myself on a full time basis instead of spuratically. Ok I really have to sleep. I know what's stopping me from going to sleep. When I'm not keeping busy to distract myself from feeling is when I lay down and have to feel. I'm tired so plz bare with my post in trying to explain what I'm going through. I just hate being confused! I feel so out of control when I'm confused! It's that old saying, do I follow my heart or follow my head that confuses me the most I think. If I stop typing I'm going to ball like a baby. I wish I could just go to sleep without thinking or feeling. Besides being afraid to sleep at night b/c of ptsd from Desert Storm, I also wait till I can't keep my eyelids open anymore so that I can fall right to sleep. I'm facing 2 very big lifetime problems for myself. One, having my Mother back in my life and the responsibility of being the only person left that hasn't given up on her & two, is love & heartache. I don't think I'll ever be able to trust so my hopes are very low in that area. But I'm going to try not to think about any of this now & just try to go to sleep. Thanks all for letting me share, lol. I'm not really laughing :( It will all work itself out, right? It always does, right? That's what I'm trying to believe right now. Just breathe......... [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]8/15/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 0 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 0 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $0.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 1 [B]Mins:[/B] 6 [B]Seconds:[/B] 54
  • Quit Meter

    $26,766.00

    Amount Saved

  • Quit Meter

    Days: 585 Hours: 18

    Minutes: 42 Seconds: 59

    Life Gained

  • Quit Meter

    4461

    Smoke Free Days

  • Quit Meter

    89,220

    Cigarettes Not Smoked

16 years ago 0 816 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Joyful, I have been reading your posts for a couple of days they all tell me the same thing you are not getting enough sleep, without sleep we are not able to make good choices please go to bed get the rest you need then think about what is really important to you. When you are ready to commit again to being a non smoker we will all be here for you but make sure you are really ready or you will just disappoint your self again. Good night and sleep well. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]8/8/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 6 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 78 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $30.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 20 [B]Mins:[/B] 11 [B]Seconds:[/B] 3
16 years ago 0 715 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
You all are such very special people! Yes I do want to quit. I feel wonderful when I'm smoke-free :) I will do some preparation before I quit again but I really want to jump right back in b/c I don't want to get sucked in any further. It's 9am and I've been up all night & am going to try to get some sleep. Guess I should take Sue's advice & get some of that tea, lol. Funny how low self worth can make me want to hurt myself more by smoking but then when I quit my self-worth grows. I'm at an all time low right now. GOD has made himself very visible to me & I feel badly b/c I'm disrespecting him by not having hope. Little kids are so inocent, they have no idea what the world is like. But then it's also what we make of it and our choices. I haven't cried all night & that is rare for me. I feel like I'm all cried out & tired of trying. But when I was reading all your posts I got teary eyed & again while typing. Tears are a gift from GOD but a part of me doesn't want any gifts or help from anyone. This is a different kind of depressed/sadness. I haven't been crying and I don't feel emotionally wore out. I feel alert & like I'm seeing clearly. I have tons of faith but I want to ignore it & I have very little hope to hold onto. But I know that I'm not at my total bottom b/c I haven't drank. Getting myself to a meeting should be on the top of my list. But for right now I think I'll finally be able to sleep. Thanks to all of you for your caring & support. I know I said a part of me doesn't want any help right now, but obviously a bigger part of me does b/c I'm in here. TY TY TY :) Just breathe......... [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]8/15/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 0 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 0 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $0.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 1 [B]Mins:[/B] 5 [B]Seconds:[/B] 25
  • Quit Meter

    $26,766.00

    Amount Saved

  • Quit Meter

    Days: 585 Hours: 18

    Minutes: 42 Seconds: 59

    Life Gained

  • Quit Meter

    4461

    Smoke Free Days

  • Quit Meter

    89,220

    Cigarettes Not Smoked

16 years ago 0 3307 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
I read this earlier this morning and have been thinking about you and ALL of my relapses. I do understand the disappointment you are feeling, but in time it will pass. Cheri, are you really ready to give this another try? I ask this because when I messed up I would try and jump right back in because I thought that was what everyone wanted me to do. What do you want to do? You know that quitting takes a strong comittment, are you really ready. Folks, I am not trying to talk JS out of this quit, what I am trying to do is ask her questions that were important to me. I have struggled so many times quitting. Quitting because of what I thought others wanted from me and what I thought was expected. This quit now is because I want it, to heck with what others think or feel. You know what the saying "when you get sick and tired of being sick and tired" Surrender. Take a look at the first 3 steps and apply then to your smoking. It helped me a lot. Cherie, glad you trying to make it back. You have the tools, use them. (((HUGS))) Keep the Quit Sparky [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]4/30/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 106 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 1,060 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $318.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 14 [B]Hrs:[/B] 7 [B]Mins:[/B] 20 [B]Seconds:[/B] 59
16 years ago 0 1356 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
I have faith in you Cherie :) This is a really tough battle, I could not have done it without chantix, this board and my family. Arm yourself well okay? Your quit will be just perfect by the time you finish practising it. That is all this is, you are getting ready. I hope you know that anytime you reach out we will be here for you, just let us know when you need help. Sue [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]5/3/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 103 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 1,030 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $180.25 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 9 [B]Hrs:[/B] 19 [B]Mins:[/B] 29 [B]Seconds:[/B] 6
16 years ago 0 911 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
I am not sure what has upset me more, John's sad, sad post or cherie's fall... As much as this post is such a bummer in more than one way perhaps there is a reason they converge... Resolve is the prelude to committment, and I think that if there is a blessing in the sad story of Sue's cat is that it gave them this. What gives you your resolve Cherie? What strikes a chord in you? Each of us gave a reason for quitting when we registered here. Way back when, what was yours? Has it evolved and changed? Reflect on why it is you really want to quit. Do some serious thinking before this next attempt. We are with you all the way! Hope I am making sense. Audrey [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]1/16/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 210 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 4,200 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $588.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 20 [B]Hrs:[/B] 11 [B]Mins:[/B] 15 [B]Seconds:[/B] 35
16 years ago 0 5195 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Cherie, Stand up and get that chin up! I would say I know you pretty well after 2 years. You are an amazing person!!! You are worth so much more than you give yourself credit. I keep remembering you telling me on one of those late night calls to "tell on the junkie". You said if I told on the Junkie then it has no power over me. It was a night I wanted to smoke so bad. I was so low and felt so worthless. You lifted me up Cherie. You have been my joyful spirit on many occassions. Remember how we use to pray together and then sit in awe of God's answers to those prayers? He's still there. He's there for you even without me. You don't have to have a lot of faith sweetie. You only need a little. Take that little bit of faith and hang on to it with everything you have and it will grow. Just look at the changes over the last two years. You have been right there through the good and the bad. Go out on a limb here and just give it a shot. PLEASE. Sit down and come up with a dream and then work towards making that dream a reality. You CAN do it! I know you can. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]7/1/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 774 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 15,480 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $2,709.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 69 [B]Hrs:[/B] 21 [B]Mins:[/B] 48 [B]Seconds:[/B] 32
16 years ago 0 715 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Thanks :) I will watch a video John. I love u too Ms. Lady & thanks for standing by me! :) Thank you also JDK :) I know what triggers my smoking and that is low self-esteem/not caring about myself/low self-worth. I did reset my meter after I started this thread. My hpe & faith are not at their best in me right now. All these things are not good to have when trying to quit a serious addiction. For me smoking was the lesser of the 3 evils that I gave myself to choose from tonight. This morning / yesterday morning my desire to quit was very high and so was my hope & faith. As the day progressed I let my fears get the best of me & hurt myself by creating chaos. Maybe my fears were on target, maybe not but either way my actions were not mature in dealing with the situation. Or maybe my actions were called for and mature but I don't know it, b/c I put myself down. Anyhow that's it for now. Just breathe......... [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]8/15/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 0 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 0 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $0.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 0 [B]Mins:[/B] 51 [B]Seconds:[/B] 11
  • Quit Meter

    $26,766.00

    Amount Saved

  • Quit Meter

    Days: 585 Hours: 18

    Minutes: 42 Seconds: 59

    Life Gained

  • Quit Meter

    4461

    Smoke Free Days

  • Quit Meter

    89,220

    Cigarettes Not Smoked

16 years ago 0 1113 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Cherie, Sounds like you are having a tough time of it. It is worth analysing what triggers you to slip, so that you can prepare for the next time the trigger occurs. You can do it Cherie. Each time you learn more and grow. Keep close and good on you for getting back on the quit. (hugs) Kevin [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]7/12/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 33 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 825 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] �138.60 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 4 [B]Hrs:[/B] 4 [B]Mins:[/B] 2 [B]Seconds:[/B] 13

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