MomMom, Please know I care about you as a friend and a shipmate and I want to help in any way I can. We all approach our quits in different ways and use differnt methods to be successful. I hope you will allow me an opportunity to explain a few truths about smoking that I have come to understand are true for me in my quit. They may not be true for you or others, but this is my view on my quitting smoking. Quitting smoking is not a personal challenge for me or anyone else. Quitting smoking is taking control of an addiction. Smoking is not a habit. Smoking is an addiction, just like crack, heroin, alcohol or any other forms of substance abuse. Once I realized this fact, it was much easier to understand why and how my brain will do ANYTHING and I do mean anything, to get me to smoke again...it's because the JUNKIE IS TALKING TO ME and if I listen I will smoke again. I must not listen even one time. N.O.P.E., N.I.D.S. I used to think I loved smoking, I never wanted to stop smoking and I was prepared to die smoking. When I woke up gasping for breath I finally realized I was wrong, the only part of me that loved smoking was in my junkie mind! Smoking is not just bad for my health, it will ultimately kill me. It can kill me slowly, it can kill me semi-slowly, it can kill me semi-fast or it can kill me in a heartbeat. It will rob me of my breath, it can give me cancer, it can cause a stroke, a heart attack and a long list of other health problems. I can make no mistake, the long term effect of smoking will always mean suffering at the very least and premature painful death for me at the worst. My junkie could never get enough nicotine and if I continue to feed him, he will not stop until I am dead. My junkie does not love me nor care about my family or the ones I love. I can't believe any part of me but my junkie could ever appreciate or savor the taste or smell any cigarette I ever smoked: ~~the taste (of over 4,000 different ingredients, mostly poisions and harmful chemicals mixed in with a foul smelling weed, wrapped in paper, lit on fire, sucking in burning hot smoke that seared my mouth and throat all the way to my lungs...pleasant tasting?) ~~the smell (of all those wet ashtrays I've washed over the years, I never smelled one whe

MomMom, you and I smoked for roughly the same number of years... and like you, my memories of being a non-smoker (as a child) are vague. I don't really have a very clear recall of waking up in the morning and not wanting a cigarette. But there are some differences too. The last time I enjoyed a cigarette was... 15 years ago. For a long time now I've been aware of the fact that I smoked because I was an addict... not because I liked smoking. At least I didn't 'like' smoking the way I 'like' hockey or hot-fudge Sundaes or an afternoon with my kids. The way I liked smoking was the way I 'like' taking a narcotic painkiller for a toothache. I like it when the pain stops. I liked cigarettes because they made the pain go away; the pain of craving. But in the end... I decided that I'd rather have the pain of craving than the pain of a life in bondage to tobacco and all the garbage that accompanies it; fear, illness, etc, etc, etc... I have no intention of simply becoming a smoker trapped inside a non-smoker's body. :) You see... I'm not just "quitting smoking". I'm going the whole way. I'm not holding on until I start to feel normal... because the only 'normal' I know is enslavement to nicotine. I don't know what 'normal' is. But I'm going to find out. I expect that for some time to come, a part of me will be comparing my life as a non-smoker with most of my previous experience... and a lot is going to seem foreign and uncomfortable. But as uncomfortable as it may be, that's 'normal'... and what I've experienced as a smoker is 'abnormal'. I believe that I'll make the transition to this new life before too long, but if it takes years... then so be it. I've been quit for 18 days... and while there's been some pain in that time... I haven't stopped living. I can still enjoy my life. The cravings are a complication, but a lot of people have far worse complications... so if the cravings hang around, if I feel like a fish-out-of-water at times... then as far as I'm concerned, that's still a more managable handicap than dealing with the consequences of being an active smoker. As far as I'm concerned... the door is closed. I have nothing to go back to. If I feel like a stranger in a strange land... then I won't be pining for the place I came from. I'll b

Callmemommom, Quitting isn't easy. We all know that. And yes, we do change. And those changes take some getting used to. TRUST ME!!! But the good news is that I like myself more now than I EVER did as a smoker! Like you, I had a hard time accepting this "new me" and never felt like I was really "normal." But that does pass. It takes some time, but it does pass. As for craving for years... yes, for some (like me), that happens. But it's not the same type of craving as it was back in Hell Week. It's more of a dull hum rather than a loud scream. It's like a faint notion than a constant thought. It doesn't last long, or come often... but yes, they do come. And I always think of it as a reminder of why I don't want to EVER smoke again! Allowing myself to smoke after this much time would PROVE that this is an extremely difficult addiction and that I NEVER want to be a slave again. I just know that if I had even one, after this much time, I'd be back to 30 cigarettes a day in NO TIME!!! That's why I vow "not one puff ever." And that's the way it HAS to be. It sounds to me like you have a lot of fears, but you're not quit sure what exactly you're afraid of. It sounds like you're afraid of going back to smoking, but you're also afraid of staying quit. This sound weird, but I understand that... because I had the same fears. I felt like I never wanted to smoke again, but was afraid that I would, and at the same time, was scared that I NEVER would because I really liked smoking so much. But guess what? That's your addiction talking! It WANTS you to be confused. It WANTS you to keep your fears so that you will eventually cave to them and just go back behind the smoke screen. But guess what? That's not you anymore! You've been here, you've made friends, you've seen others who have beat the addiction and you have tasted a small taste of the freedom that exists from not smoking. EMBRACE THAT FREEDOM! It does get easier. I promise. RIght now, you're at a difficult and challenging time in the quit. But just hang on and keep going one day at a time and I promise you, all of your fears will be resolved and you will wonder why you ever liked smoking so much before... because NOT smoking is a million times better! I promise! Crave the

mommom you know one will hurt. One leads to one more and then a pack and then a carton. The real you will eventually come back, however it will never be exactly the same. You won't be hiding behind a cloud of smoke, you'll learn to deal with things in a more head on manner. Besides, I enjoyed smoking too, but now that I smell people who smoke it disguts me. My friend came over the other day and asked if she could smoke. I really really should have said no, and next time I will, but my house smelled so bad for the rest of the day it made me angry with her. I should have only been angry with myself and made her smoke outside. I so hate it when my clothes smell like smoke and I have to keep smelling that until i can change! Ok now i'm turning this into a rant and its not what it was meant to be. Just remember that you are going through an adjustment period and you will change, but the same basic person is still there. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 8/12/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 225 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 6,300 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $882 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 17 [B]Hrs:[/B] 8 [B]Mins:[/B] 26 [B]Seconds:[/B] 11

Today I feel like I have been lying to myself and to you. So often in my life I have set myself up with personal challenges that I have a fair chance of accomplishing. Then I can look back and say, Yeah, I did it. This is just another one of those challenges. I liked smoking. Yes, I know it was bad for my health, and that I subjected those I love the most to second hand smoke, and that it cost so much money, and all of the negative things that are associated with the nasty habit. Not every cigarette was a pleasure, but I can remember the last week as a smoker, and appreciating each and every one...savoring the taste, the smell,...I'm sure you know what I am talking about. Besides, it was something to do. I met many other nice social outcasts as we stood in the rain, the snow, the heat, always hiding in the shadows surrounded by our own blue cloud. We had something in common, scoffing at the looks from the non-smokers who scowled at us as if we were derelicts and something akin to pond scum. Smokers are also intelligent, upstanding people with a habit. Some people bite their nails, chew their pencils, or twist their hair. Smokers smoke, just like the drinkers drink. You see, I don't know myself as a non-smoker. I was a teen when I started 40+ years ago. I have always been a "smoker". That at least defined me. Without that, who am I, really? I quit before, sort of, for 9 months. I would bum a smoke occasionally, and as we all know, one leads to more until I was smoking more than ever before. I have taken up my challenge again. But what if I don't like "me" as a non-smoker? My other half says he hopes the "real" me comes home soon. That's scary. I am afraid that once I know I have proved to myself that I can be a non-smoker that I may start again. That's why you all are so important, now, early in my quit, but more so later, when I have been successful to help me stay quit. I hope when I experience the "freedom" that so many talk about that I won't want to smoke again. EVER!!! I am a smart lady, and I don't think that after going through all of this just to prove something to myself and a few others that I would be so selfish (yes, smokers are a selfish bunch)to start back up. Right now I like being a non-smoker! If my