me too guys....(I mean girls)....don't have anything constructive to add...but am listening for I too have come to this fork in the highway... I kind of am...just babying the quit...to see where I am going. My mother just died, I just found out my youngest child is a crack addict...and I am sort of feeling numb right now. but I'm not giving into the junkie in me that says..."here, just have a smoke" \nope so for now...I'm listening to my peers of strength here in theSSC. THANKS FOR BEING HERE AUNTDEB [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 1/1/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 76 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 3,835 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $361 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 10 [B]Hrs:[/B] 13 [B]Mins:[/B] 22 [B]Seconds:[/B] 17

Serenity 2: What an honest post you wrote. It's awful to feel the loneliness you're feeling and it's all hitting at once. Please don't confuse the loneliness for people for the cigarettes. I know you realize the very important distinction here, but I also know how easy it can be to let the junkie in you take over your thought process. (I still fight it, too.) A lot of what's happening with you right now has NOTHING whatsoever to do with becoming a nonsmoker. It's an empty nest feeling and a sense that you don't have enough in your life, either people, or significant activities. I don't know if you can relate to this, but I know that in addition to quitting smoking over 5 months ago, I'm also reevaluating my relationship with my husband (20 years) and have begun therapy. My granddaughter is my joy, but she has some severe developmental delays. My son and his wife have mental health issues. I am hearing-impaired and it's getting worse. At the age of 55, I had to quit my long-time job in outside sales, as I can no longer conduct telephone conversations. I'm looking into new job possibilities and have applied for early Social Security disability benefits. But I may volunteer for the Birth to Three Intervention program which will be working with my granddaughter. I went out today and bought a book called "Leap" by Sara Davidson. It explores how baby boomers (I'm 55) are handling getting older and trying to figure out what do do with the rest of our lives. Well, that's what this is all about, I think. What's next? Am I all done? I don't think so! I've signed up for sign language classes and cooking classes to begin next month. Who knows where this will take me? But I know I'll feel useful again, I'll be moving in a positive, forward direction, I'll learn new skills and I'll bet I make new friends. Most importantly, I'll be doing it all as a nonsmoker. I've promised my therapist that I won't make any long-term decisions regarding my marriage for at least another six months. In the meantime, my husband is also going to therapy -- a good sign, I hope. Yes, it's all part of my new identity. But how exciting, huh? Have you considered something like this -- I think you just need some new people and some new directions

Hi serenity - I could feel every word of your post. When I was younger, I had such a busy social life...there were parties all the time. As we grew older, my friends married and had children - We still get together now and then but they are busy with their own families. Smoking was also like an abusive relationship for me. As smoking became less accepted, I tended to isolate myself and avoid social activities so that I could feed my addiction. Just like an abusive partner, it started to deprive me of all those relationships that were so important. Now smoking is out of my life. I have taken the biggest step but, sometimes, it is lonely. Now it is time to build a whole new life without my addiction but I'm learning slowly. An acquaintance at the gym invited me to join their fitness group - I said yes. Some friends from Toastmasters invited me to go away to a weekend conference with them - I said yes. Before I would never say yes to these opportunities because I had to spend time with my "cigarettes". There are still lots of lonely moments...but I can see a better life ahead. You are such a great person, Serenity, there are all kinds of new opportunities and new friends out there for you....Wishing you many happy times ahead. Windy [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 9/11/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 185 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 3,717 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $925 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 18 [B]Hrs:[/B] 2 [B]Mins:[/B] 29 [B]Seconds:[/B] 55

Serenity, Oh, how I understand your pain! This board is FULL of posts that I've written that were very similar to yours. My problem was that I moved 2 months after quitting when my life completely fell apart and I lost all of my friends and was pretty much forced to move 200 miles away where I knew nobody. Not only did I not have my smokes as my friend anymore, but the ONLY method I knew to make friends was no longer available ("hey, can I borrow your lighter?" or "hey, can I bum a smoke from you?" or just talking to others in designated smoking areas was about the ONLY way I knew how to make friends). It took me a LONG time to make new friends here, and now, a year and a half after I moved, I DO have friends (who are non-smokers)... but again, that took a while. So yes, I understand your problem. Church was the first place I went to find friends. I'm in school so I also joined several groups there... I'm sure you can find some common interest groups in your area. The biggest thing is to remember that the smokes were NOT your friends! I know, I had a hard time with that one too, but it's true. The good news is that I haven't thought that I lost my best friend when I quit smoking in a long time. That thought does fade and your beautiful non-smoking life takes over. I hope that happens for you too soon! Crave the Quit! Pam [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 6/17/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 636 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 15,922 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $2626.68 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 45 [B]Hrs:[/B] 8 [B]Mins:[/B] 1 [B]Seconds:[/B] 13

Hi guys, and thank you again. My daughter does tons of stuff. That's part of the problem. Like Saturdays, she plays in an orchestra in the mornings. She does 3 classes after school on week nights. None of those fit round any calss times I can find for stuff that I might do that would also allow me to be there to drop her off and pick her up. And there are no friends for her to stay over night with. We moved house a few weeks back from necessity which is kind of how/why I spend a lot more time ferrying her about as we moved out of the town we have lived in all her life and away from where all her friends and so on are. They all still go to the same school, but now, a lot of the things she used to get to and from herself or that there were shared lifst for, I now have to take her to etc. I think maybe we need a bit of a re-jig of things. (Needless to say, she doesn't much fancy stuff that I do!) The biggest part of my problem is actually anger at and resentment over my ex hubby. He fell out with daughter so she no longer goes to stay with him (she used to go every other weekend and part of holidays) so it feels "unfair" that I am now constrained 24/7 whereas HE never has parenting responsibilities. Anyway, that's neither here nor there. It's just been sheer damn lonliness and I suspect, partly the old pre menopause issues again because I am aware of real swings going on with no reason for them. Thanks again for the time and thought. It's been a real tonic and help to hear voices in the dark when there are no others. Onwards and upwards. S [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 12/10/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 98 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 3,455 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] �588 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 10 [B]Hrs:[/B] 3 [B]Mins:[/B] 43 [B]Seconds:[/B] 22

PS - meant to say - what kind of Voluntary work do you do Rusty? I teach adult's with learning difficulties - computer and IT type skills. I've been working with a group of women for a year or so now but I have to go to their skills shop, only runs in day times, to do it. Some of them are severely mentally impaired and it has taken a while to build them up. They just don't understand that it will have to now stop. They don't get where I'm going. The organisation I work with are fine about it and of course I can slot in in different ways with the organisation. They accept that. It is MY feeling of letting my students down that I hate. However, you are right - there is a brighter way to look at it. They have come on hugely since I first met them and it has been a positive experience for them. I just really wanted to keep it running. Just one of those things I guess. S

Guys, once again, I thank you. And I thank you for all your helpful comments. But.....it's the "but" that is defeating me. I KNOW I need to get some kind of life for myself. (And I know this isn't a problem page!) The problem is, there is NEVER a time slot in which I can work on getting one! I am a single parent. I am a single parent 24/7. My daughter is only just 14. I have no friends or family locally who can look out for her or whom she could call if anything went wrong if I wasn't around. So, ANYTHING that I go off and do - I would have to leave my child home alone. She doesn't want a paid baby sitter; thinks she's too old. So, I KNOW I must/should build a life - because in a few years time, daughter will leave and I will find myself sitting home alone every night and every single weekend with absolutely NO human being to talk to. And I don't think I'll survive that. I really don't. Last night was hellish I came so close to wanting to smoke because there is nothing else. I just do not know how to deal with these feelings and accept my empty life for now at least. Sorry! S [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 12/10/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 97 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 3,405 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] �582 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 10 [B]Hrs:[/B] 0 [B]Mins:[/B] 13 [B]Seconds:[/B] 25

Oh guys, I am so moved by your posts. I have a lump in my throat and damp eyes! So many nails hit on the head - by people so far away. How much easier to reach out through a web site than to folk on the same street? Thank you for the warnth of your understanding and for taking time to reach out. Tutti, I do voluntary work - most rewarding thing in my life aside from my sproggies. I'm also about to start a full time job, so am not sure I'm going to be able to keep up the Voluntary. Which is adding to the sadness. I need the new job for the financial gain but it's not doing too much for my spirit at present. Thouhg I'm guessing it will open a lot of doors in terms of keeping me busier and meeting more people. I am taking your words to heart guys. You are so right - I need to find ways forward for this next stage of my life. Thank you. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. S x [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 12/10/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 95 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 3,334 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] �570 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 9 [B]Hrs:[/B] 19 [B]Mins:[/B] 12 [B]Seconds:[/B] 15

because lately, it feels like I've nobody. Sorry guys, I know I'm posting negative stuff just now (just like I know it's been better in the past and will be better again) but I am really starting to wake up and smell the coffee. And the truth is, come night time, come my daughter going to bed, there is NOBODY in my life. I have friends - but only a few and none that live locally. Locally, there is about 3 people that I would class as more than acquaintances; none that ever visit me or that I feel like I could call on if things were tough or when I'm lonely. I broke up with a long term partner not long before I Quit smoking and my elder left home to go off to University at the same time. Chucking the smokes as WELL, just feels like being part of a whole parcel of deprivation. And I realise how much time I spent on them and how much comfort I got from them. I know I need to change something but....... I really feel like I don't KNOW how to make my life a bit fuller? From other single mums, it seems to boil down to dating web sites, but ....... God, I'd love a friend that wasn't as lethal as my old friend smoking was. Sometimes, I even find myself wondering what IS the point in gaining a few more years? I only need around 3 or 4 until my younger leaves home. Then I really WILL be all alone and spending long nights...... empty? S [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 12/10/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 94 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 3,318 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] �564 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 9 [B]Hrs:[/B] 18 [B]Mins:[/B] 4 [B]Seconds:[/B] 37

(((hugs))) for you, Serenity. Sometimes, since I have quit, I find myself rather lonely, even when surrounded by people. I had to change so much of my life. Most often I eat lunch alone. My lunch friends were mostly smokers, AND, I am trying to lose some weight, so I take my lunch with me. I can offer suggestions to get more involved in activities where you meet people with common interests. Church, literary groups, volunteer organizations, a gym, etc... You may meet some interesting people and gain a few dear friends along the way! [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 9/8/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 188 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 9,440 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1504 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 19 [B]Hrs:[/B] 23 [B]Mins:[/B] 46 [B]Seconds:[/B] 45