Vick . . . not so good. I'm very ashamed of myself, for I had a "slip." I'm not going to call this a failure. I realize this is a part of the healing process. Still, all didn't go as well as I had expected. I made it until about 10:00 A.M., and I've been beating myself up. I feel that I've let everyone down. I want you to know that I'm renewing my determination to quit but pushing for 5/4. Tomorrow has "meaning" to me, and I realize this may help. I tend to be quite emotional and attach significance to dates. My son will turn 17 on 6/4. I quit tomorrow, and I will be smoke-free for 30 days on his birthday. This is so important to me. I'm very sorry I've let everyone down. I've learned something, though, and I'm asking for any advice. I have a trigger which I can't seem to get past. Coffee. I didn't make my usual pot of coffee this morning. This is how I've started my day for years!!! Orange juice wasn't "cutting it." I broke down and made some coffee . . . then, guess what?? It was unbearable. The coffee is leaving the house today. But I feel I need to replace it with something. Hot tea? Maybe? I'm planning on going to the grocery store later to try to find some flavored tea. So, here I am apologizing to everyone. Still, I'm letting you know I WILL do this. I will not fail at this. Tomorrow is VERY important to me (and is a significant "date"). Would anyone be available to IM me tomorrow in the morning hours? I would greatly appreciate it, and I know it will help me. I may be quite irritable without my coffee AND my cigarettes . . . but I know everyone here understands this. So . . . I've learned I also need caffeine in the morning, but I just can't quit that right now. I'm more concerned (MUCH MORE CONCERNED) with quitting the nicotine. Coffee is one of my major triggers, so I'm switching over to hot tea. I hope everyone is having a better day than me. :-) I won't let you (or myself) down twice, though. Everyone here has helped me to analyze my smoking. I've done this before, but never with the intensity or structure I'm doing now. Again, thank you. I'm going to hide in my shell now for awhile. Feeling pretty awful . . .
Kendall