Hello all. I logged on today, saw the topic heading, and started to cry. As many of you know I was a closet smoker and could not share this quit with many people ('cause they didn't know I smoked). This acknowledgement touches me deeply.
Today is unbelieveable and amazing. Smoking was always such a part of me & my identity that I could never picture myself as a former smoker. But wow, that's who I am now.
I started smoking at age 15 & made this final quit just a few days after I turned 40. Twenty-five years and probably 183,000+ cigarettes. I was a slave. During the last few years of smoking I would have trouble falling asleep at night because my mind would turn to thoughts of lung cancer, disability and death. I had to stop smoking but was so afraid. I tried so many times but the attempts were feeble and doomed by my lack of committment. Finally, it was the thought of my only child, my six year old daughter, growing up to smoke that gave me the courage. She will not grow up thinking it is okay to smoke.
So, here I am, one year later: 10 lbs heavier :8o:, cranky, and probably clinically depressed. This has been a difficult journey that is not even close to being over. I still have times where I want to smoke, when the urge whaps me in the face. I console myself by repeating to myself that a 25 year addicition is not done with in a matter of weeks. I expect this recovery will take several years and I must be on guard at all times, probably forever. Like Duffis said, there is a price to pay for change. I'm willing to pay it!
The SSC and my heros here have been a major part of my success. I would log on when I could and although I didn't post much, I would read, read, read. "Thank you" doesn't even touch how I feel about what you all have done for me.
I am proud of myself!! I quit smoking!! If I can do this, anybody can.
THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 6/6/2005
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 365
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 6,578
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $2628
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 33 [B]Hrs:[/B] 19 [B]Mins:[/B] 33 [B]Seconds:[/B] 28