I guess what makes me feel so strongly about this is that if I were to have even one puff, the impact on my psyche would be so intense that I know I would be unable re-engage the quit for a long, long time...if ever. It's obviously not just about "the meter", "the trinket" or being "unforgiving" in my case. The addiction is so strong, in my case, that it wouldn't be a matter of setting back the meter, if I slipped, because I would be gone from the group...smoking 2ppd again. This is not a grey issue for me. And all the flowery messages and smiley faces and encouragement to get back on the wagon wouldn't help an addict like me.
It is almost enviable that some of you are capable of slipping and bouncing back, for you either have greater self-control than I do or your addictions are less mentally overwhelming...really, I don't know what the difference is. I can't slip and get up, I fall hard.
This is hardly my first attempt- more like my tenth; I know what happens to me subconsciously when I had that puff before. It was the end of the quit. My mind would say I was tough enough for the puff, then the entire cig, and boom, 2ppd.
3 months was my longest attempt, but that was with a number of cheats, so really it was a bunch of 3 day quits with puffs/cigs over a 3 month period. I can't say I was smoke free for that. Just trying to convince myself. Finally I just smoked.
My goal is to get past that 3 month period where I start to feel freedom from this and really know I was smoke-free. I realize I'm projecting my feelings into this....believe me.
I'm hardly deluding myself that my opinion in this will set policy for the SCC regarding the quit meter, nor should it. I'm involved in a local Nicotine Anonymous and looking into another group because I realize, for my addiction, I need a tough approach to smoking cessation.
This group has been a big help, especially because I can sit here in my pj's and go on and on. Keeps the old fingers busy too!
Anyway- I still feel quite stongly about this and won't apologize for it. But the ultimate goal is quitting and however that gets done...go for it!
Bob
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/18/2006
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 34
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 1,380
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $306
[B]Life Gained: