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miss y´all; crying over nothing at all

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miss y´all; crying over nothing at all

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1022

Welcome lfarina! You are most definitely not alone in the way you feel. I'm so glad you found us here at DC. This is a safe place to be for support and learning how to change the way you think. Please remember to be gentle with yourself as you really are doing just about everything you can to get better.

As an ex-smoker I can totally relate to the frustration of trying to quit and but needing it to cope. Seems like you have more pressing things to deal with at the moment though.

If you haven't started reading the sessions yet, I do encourage you to do so. There is a lot of help in there. Granted, it is a lot of reading and sometimes can be confusing but it is well worth the effort... a great adjunct to the other therapies you have put in place. I like that we can come anytime... (especially on those sleepless nights) to find encouragement and hope. Looking forward to "seeing" you around the forums.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 40

Wow, I've been reading this post and it's so good to know that I'm not alone.

I've suffered from what I consider a low grade depression with intense anxiety and sometimes major depression mixed in for good measure periodically.

I have been on paxil 20mg for probably 15 years, and have never adjusted the dose. I pretty much just accept that I need it and except for the occasional thought that jeez it would be nice to get off that drug, I am scared to, and then a major episode comes and I put that thought out of mind very quickly.

I have been pretty good depression wise for years, going through the motions of life, work, home, stuff but not too much stuff, as I seem to need a lot of alone time. The anxiety is normally in reaction to work stress, and I deal with that by working too much...but I do get through it.

Well, June 1 I decided it was time to really try to get healthy, and I quit smoking...and started working earlier so I could hopefully leave earlier and get to the gym, or go for a walk or bike ride. I wanted to correct my poor eating habits and yes, maybe if things went well after a while I could successfully get off the meds.

I made it 30 days smoke free, and it has really thrown me for a loop. I went back to smoking because I can't stand myself. I have tried to quit before, and always the same reaction, but this is the longest period of time I've done it for so that is probably why the depression and anxiety I'm now feeling is so bad.

I work in a profession environment, and I have been having a conversation with a VP, or CFO or another co-worker and have burst into tears. How embarrassing! Now I'm afraid, terrified that they all think I'm losing it. I explained that I was having a strange reaction to quiting smoking, and outwardly they seemed understanding, but now I'm afraid of not being able to function properly at work, and then my brain starts thinking about losing my job, and because I'm single I have no fall back, and that thought just scares the heck out of me.

Just for fun, I was scanning the job ads, and noticed that all the jobs I should be qualified to do seem way over my head, and that just makes the fear that much worse....I feel like I'm spiraling out of control.

I've not been able to eat, much - coffee, lots of water, and a protein shake, a few carrots is all I have been able to eat in a day, and sleeping is troubled, wakeful or non-existent.

I never take a sick day, I just carry on with whatever I need to do, but it's becoming hard to hide. Yes, I do feel I need to hide...I have worked in the HR dept at work, although I'm not as involved anymore, I've seen how this can go, and I can't have that.

Anyway, I found this through the employer EAP, and I called and talked to a counselor who has set me up with an in person session with another counselor, in a week. I am going to try to get in to see my dr. on the weekend and see what she can suggest. I loath the idea of changing meds, because that comes with it's own set of problems, but I may be desperate enough to try increasing my meds.

I feel so mad, because I feel like this is all because I tried to quit smoking....not sure if that is true, as I have had some pretty bad anxiety in the months before, that at least once led to a crying episode in front of my boss....but I think the not smoking was just a point of not having anything to help me cope.

I haven't really got any friends or family I can talk to about this, I have friends but not close friends. I don't see them except at work most of the time, I push people away, or I don't allow them in to my world much.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

Rebbie so glad I can offer suggestions that may help. I will be curious as to how it works. I too find myself going back and working on those negative core beliefs. They are addressed in session 9 as well, but I find comfort in the previous session. I dunno, a hang up of mine I guess.

Sallly0 - I started off fast working the program - I wanted "fixed" now!!! I think it's best to take your time. I had to back up and start over to get the most from it and have occasionally back tracked as indicated above to different sections for review and/or clarification. Take you time and get the most from it. Work at a stead pace - sounds like you are!!!!

I can remember when you could never get me to cry as well. I don't think that was healthy either. I've gone from one end of the continuum to the other and think I need to find a middle ground or if I'm going to have crying spells figure out what it is I'm crying about. lol, dad used to say if I didn't quit crying, he'd give me something to cry about. That usually helped me quit but I don't think that's healthy.

I'm like y'all I usually cry by myself, but every not and then, I need a good hug to go with my cry. I'll go to my son's house and he will provide that readily. He's understanding that sometimes I can't tell him why I need a hug or I am crying. I just do. It always helps.

Strength, I agree with Sall0 about the societal pressures men are subjected to regarding crying. I think it shows strength, character and sensitivity to cry irregardless of who it is (gender) (I just want to know why I am crying). I do think it helps to have someone with whom you can cry and feel comfortable though you may not choose to cry in front of them all the time. And by all means, heaven forbid, a tragedy does occur, let it rip, feel what you need to feel, express it how you need to express it. Real men do cry. I think it goes back to a negative core belief - we've been taught by society that "real" men don't cry. and that's hogwash - what do you think?

I like the ideas, feedback and insight in this thread - thanks.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 121

Hi Strength,

Thanks for sharing! Culturally, it seems to be a no-no for men to cry in public unless they are actively grieving a death of a loved one or some other equally tragic circumstance, which is unfortunate. I can't really give you direct advice on your particular situation, only general suggestions, but it I were you (and being a woman, this is a huge stretch!), I would most likely cry only in the presence of very safe family members and friends, a parent, a spouse, etc.

As for my own crying issues, I cry in front of no one. I tend to only do it when I am alone, and no one has observed me crying (for the random crying). I have cried in front of my husband during a particularly intense fight. But overall, I tend to keep my tears all to myself.

You know, I was just thinking, there were several years (many years ago, like when I was in my 20s) when I never cried at all. I remember wondering why it had been so long since I cried. It just seemed odd to me since other people cried more often than me.

I guess my suggestion is to determine, on a person-to-person basis, who you feel safe and comfortable with to cry in front of. If you are feeling particularly open and brave, you could share your crying issue with the trusted person first (have a talk about it, or write a little letter about it, then talk), so that when you do start crying, they will know what is going on better. Just a thought.

Thanks again for sharing!

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 217

Hi everyone,

I've enjoyed reading this thread about crying. I think keeping a log of this is a great idea, then you can start to challenge the negative thoughts when crying. I have a question for all of you.... I have experienced a lot of crying in my days....It has gotten better since working the program.. but here's the thing.. As a man I feel so bad about crying. I feel completely defeated, embarrassed, in the wrong.... everytime I cry I feel a million things. Like I shouldn't be crying...like something is wrong with me..because men don't cry..and if they do it would be only once in a blue moon... So what do you think of this? Should I hide when the tears start flowing?

Thanks for your input, I have never shared these feelings with anyone...I usually just hide in my room.

Strength

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 121

Hi Goofy,

Thanks so much for your insight. It sounds like you are doing everything you can do to fight this.

Maybe, if those darn random crying spells hit me again, I think I will keep a log too. Maybe I will find a surprise connection or revelation in the log. Maybe they are not as senseless as I think they are.

Thanks for letting me know the program is working well for you. That's why I am here; to try and do everything I can to get better. The core beliefs you are talking about sounds really helpful! I have not made it that far. I am still only on section 2 (and it has been 3 weeks). I find that I am only doing one goal at a time, so it is taking me a really long time. My first goal was to fill a new filing cabinet I bought. I am about 1/2 way done. Hopefully I can move onto the other sections of the program soon!

Weight gain is the worst. That's one of the reason I got off Lithium. I was just bloating up like a balloon. People thought I was pregnant. I agree; the weight gain makes the depression much, much worse, at least for me it does.

I know what you mean about picking the wrong people. How do we undo that? I have come to realize that I always pick friends who are aggressive and needy, always wanting something, always in need of rescue. Drives me nuts. I don't want to rescue people anymore; hence, I have no friends right now (just my hubby which helps immensely). I also just don't trust myself to choose friends wisely. The last one I had needed to move away eventually, and it was such a relief for me. I just haven't made an effort to get close to someone else, and it has been two years. I want happy, independent friends, not needy ones. It's like I need to have them fill out a "friend application" first! LOL! I guess I need to work thorough those issues because I would really like some friends.

Rebbie, I agree with Goofy, it sounds like you have legitimate concerns. Not shallow at all. Thanks for sharing!

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 121

Goofy: I can always count on you for insight and suggestions. I have forgotten how long it has been since I worked through the Core Beliefs and I think I need to do that again. Thanks for reminding me! You are the best. I'll keep you posted....

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

lol, Sall0, here's my part 2 ramble - told you we had that in common.

I was just saying

Samantha if that's my issue I'll just keep crying and try to identify the underlying cause. I think the log might help to figure out what may trigger these spells and maybe some underlying core beliefs to pitch out the door via a process. I don't let the crying interfere with my participation in activities anymore, this is a plus.

Feedback? Suggests? comments?

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

First Sall0, I too take lamictal (400 mg one time per day). I was augmenting that with seroquel. It has a side effect of weight gain. Weight gain only exacerbates my depression so therefore it's not an option. When I go back he wants to augment my treatment with another medication; depends on what it is and the side effects. He's told me my diagnosis is Major Depression (refractory) My Major Depression is caused by a chemical imbalance as well and even though it is. However grim it may be, my physician has told me to accept the fact that depression is going to be a part of who I am. I've found great help in the Depression Center, I'm working on session 9 and have found myself having to go back as I identify additional negative core beliefs. In fact, CBT, the basis of the Depression Center is found to be the most successful treatment of people with Major Depression and BiPolar Disorder via valid, reliable, and peer-reviewed research. I do also attend talk therapy and have a whole host of other things I do to treat my depression - exercise, tai chi, meditation, etc. I found all these things combined with the medication help. I do think your idea of keeping a log of these crying spells may help me identify the underlying cause. I think this relates, after some reflection, to Samantha's comment about a subconscious attempts to avoid the real emotion.

As far as the rambling goes, we also have that in common. note the number of posts I have, lol though I've not been around much I failed to mention that the Depression Center and the things I learned here are also a major source of treatment for my depression.

Rebbie, I don't think your issues sound shallow at all. I think they are real if that is what you feel. I would challenge you to find the underlying negative core beliefs on each of the issues mentioned. Having depression and then having issues to make the depression worse (financial, fear, alone, etc) has to make things more difficult with which to cope. However, things are not hopeless and you know (I know this from previous posts) that this program will work. I hope you take the time to go through the extra sessions on relationships and other topics that may help you resolve these underlying issues. I'm so glad to hear that you can identify them. Isn't that part of the battle. I hope to hear more as you identify the negative core beliefs underlying the trust issue and the lonely issue, and the financial issues.

I can relate to all these issues as I once couldn't stand being alone, I didn't like me, I don't like all of me now, but I like more of me than I used to. I won't go into all the negative core beliefs that made me not like me but you can see how that helped me be alone for almost 6 years. The trust issue, well I used to say my picker is broke, because I didnt' seem to pick the right people. The last man I dated had a major drug issue and it took me, a rehab counselor, 9 months to figure it out. Kick myself in the ass for three years over that one, until I identified the negative core beliefs. It made me not trust myself to be able to pick someone I could trust. The financial, when I realized I could no longer do the job and had to retire at age 44 or 45 - geez, how was I gonna make it???? I had to really struggle with that one. I don't know that I have many suggestions there, except trim the budget, but include at least a few dollars for Rebbie, you are a necessity in life and deserve some things for you.

I hope this helps some Rebbie.

Samantha, your question to Rebbie, if I were happy with the present situation how would I be different? Wow, that puts things in perspective. I just

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 121

Samantha: I know this probably sounds shallow, but I have felt so fearful for so long about not being able to support myself financially, which is why I stayed with my ex-husband as long as I did, and now I'm living my fear. I hate not having enough money to do what I need to do and sometimes what I want to do. I just hate it! It makes me feel inadequate and pitiful. As for being lonely, I just have to deal with that until I'm able to trust again, if and when that happens. It terrifies me to immobility.

Reading this thread:

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miss y´all; crying over nothing at all