Hello Everyone,
I'm sitting here alittle lost so I thought I would reach out and hopefully get some feedback or something....anything!
Monday this week I went back to work after 4 weeks off (this of course is after having a total of 12 weeks off before going back to work for 2 weeks) anyway, I work a fixed shift of 8-1 m-f. Which I will be the first to admit is great. I'm not complaining. I was sitting at my desk going through loads and loads of e-mails, I started feeling alittle anxious and alone (if that makes sense) so I took a quick break and walked around taking a deep breath. Went back and started again, then paranoia started...thinking people were looking at me..judging me...tried to ignore it but that didn't work. As i'm catching up on things i'm realizing that I've missed alot of new changes and need some way to catch up...all the while I have my manager throwing papers on my desk for me to sign and asking me for timesheets etc. I started to feel overwhelmed and had panic attack 1 of the day.
After panic attack 4 and 5, I decided to just give up and I waited out the rest of my shift in the lounge and then cried as I walked out the door. I got home and I didn't leave again until yesterday when I went to the dr. Who pulled me from work and increased my anti-anxiety meds. So now I feel like a useless overmedicated fool, who can't even leave the house.
I hate my job. It's basically a call centre. I've been doing it so long I'm wore out from it. But the money is good. Even though my husband insists I try to find something else and that my health is more important than the money...I can't see that right now...money seems to rule the world.
I think what I need is a proper back to work plan, which I can't get until my doctor to fill out heaps of forms. It seems endless and that's that.
I don't know if that has made any sense....I dont' even know what i'm asking for...hopefully someone out there can relate and maybe offer some advice.....or even understanding. Because i'm feeling pretty alone right now.
Thanks for reading
Jenn
