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13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11219

Hi Noori,

Thanks for the update! You mention that the depression is back and we will help you to manage this but I want to acknowledge how positive and strong you sound right now. I can really see in the few words you have posted how far you have come! This positivity and resourcefullness will really help you manage the depression. You really sound confident in yourself and your ability to overcome! I have a feeling that you will surprise yourself this school year.

What do you want to learn about yourself and about managing depression by going through this school year?

How do you want to view this challenge?

Love to hear about the running! Great work

Very impressed!

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 12

Hello again,

I'm not really new anymore but I didn't post during the summer so I thought I'd give you an update on how I'm doing.... which is quite well in comparison to the spring :) I had a phenomenal summer, my best ever I think. I excelled at my job, even though it was hard, and during the summer when I'm active and occupied all the time my depression levels were virtually nil. Of course I'd have the odd bad day but it would be an hour instead of a week of feeling bad or not wanting to do anything. I actually felt like a normal person again :D. Now that I'm back at school unfortunately my old friend depression has come back, not nearly as bad as before though since I'm considerably more educated and able to take steps to prevent it (thanks to this site and other resources). The last 3 days have been my worst since the spring, I skipped class and stayed in bed for most of them BUT today i got myself up, showered and to my lab (late, but i got there) and I'm feeling better again. I think I just need to keep on top of it so I'll put some renewed effort into the activity tracker and mood thermometer.

I hope everyone is doing better!

Sending out lots of hugs :)

Noori

ps. if you can, try running/jogging.... it is by far THE MOST effective tool I've had in battling depression (plus it melts the few extra pounds off, amazing!)

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 113

I know it's easier said than done, but don't worry about what other people expect of you, in the end it's you that has to live with the results, so answer to yourselves!

What makes you happy? What do you enjoy doing? What do you want to do? These are questions I think that we ask ourselves as we go through life, and for me the answer to these questions have changed with time.

Kat

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 12

Sorry it took me so long to respond, I went to Ottawa for the weekend with my mom to visit family/friends and didn't have internet access. It was a decent weekend, some highs, some lows but overall I'm trying to think positively about it. We were out and about a lot and I really enjoyed all the activities (listening to a performance of gregorian chants, going to the theatre, bike rides along the canal) but realized that it's the interpersonal relationships I'm having problems with.

I completely agree with everything that was said about success. I have felt sick of being put on a pedestal and having people expect great things from me, it's exhausting to always be monitoring myself and my actions. I've been thinking I just want to be average for once and not have all the pressure but my past is now working against me on that one haha. Pinkmike I'm planning on doing the exact same thing! I was hesitant to come to university in the first place (not because I didn't want to learn or get a degree but because I felt I wasn't ready for it... which proved to be true) but I was encouraged to finish my degree and then pursue my other interests. So ever since first year I've been waiting and planning my year(s?) off after university before grad school. I've found myself telling people that I won't be doing grad school (even though I want to and plan on it) so that I don't have the added pressure of their expectations.

The setbacks are really hard. I would much prefer it if there was a continuous improvement (even if it was small) instead of these extreme highs and lows. Of course life doesn't always go my way but if there was one thing I could change about depression that would be it lol. Its also frustrating that I can't pull myself out of the bad days, its like my brain is set for the day and nothing I do influences it, makes me feel very helpless and then I don't even want to try anymore.

Deb thank you so much for the comments, your posts always have a lot of wisdom and your and pinkminke's support have helped me so much already :) <3

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 7

YES. I'm afraid that because I can't handle things right now there is no way I'll handle any more responsibility. I've always worked really hard and been really responsible about everything (time management, money, school work etc) and I was thinking that I've been afraid of trying and failing, but maybe I'm really afraid of succeeding and all the extras that come with success. I hate the thought of others setting high expectations of me because then I feel trapped into accomplishing everything instead of enjoying the process of learning and accomplishing. I decided a few months ago that I'm going to postpone grad school for a year because the thought of going right after school makes me feel like I can't breath and very trapped.

Thanks so much for your post, it really made me re-assess what may be going on.

Thank you again!

- pinkminke

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 102

It's normal to have set-backs. It's something I'm struggling with too. One day is good, the next is really hard.

I want to share something with you both, and am hoping you don't mind that I'm posting just to the "hello" post because I think it might be helpful to you both. Maybe anyway.

My last year of undergrad school I was working really hard. I had just been accepted into a pPhD program. I had a dream that I was standing on the fourth story roof of the psychology department and I was terrified. I knew I was going to fall. I couldn't figure out how to get down.

Anyway, I figured out that the dream signified my fears of success, and responsibilities. Although I had always been successful, and very responsible, I felt locked into that for the rest of my life. Terrifying!

Does this resonate with either of you?????

Off to bed with me :) Thinking of you both though.

Deborah

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 7

Hi Noori,

I'm having the same problem, yesterday was a great day, I felt 60% normal, slept well, and went to class, but this morning again I've got the big lump in my chest and just want to stay in bed and cry all day. Its kind of discouraging to feel so good one day and be optimistic then wake up like the good day was all a dream.

Hopefully your day is a little brighter today!

- pinkminke

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 12

Well I didn't sleep well again last night, guess I was overly optimistic yesterday about feeling so much better :( To be honest my entire post yesterday was overly optimistic, I do take good care of myself but I do still skip class to stay in bed, miss workouts, procrastinate and then feel guilty about it all. :(

Pinkminke thanks for posting, we do seem to have an awful lot in common (most of it awful indeed). I would REALLY suggest going to counselling on campus, it took me ages to actually walk through the door (I went 4 times before I actually made it past the front door and even then I went "pee" for 30 mins before talking to the receptionist haha) but I honestly felt so much better and they had to many resources to guide me to. They suggested I come in for regular counselling with a therapist so I have another appointment after this weekend with the "new therapist". I'm a little nervous about going over everything again with someone new but I figure that this is his job so he's used to and (hopefully) enjoys working with people like me so there's no logical reason not to trust him. Sorry for the "me" tangent there, what I was getting at is that going to the counsellor can only bring good things because 1) you will not be in it alone 2) they have a LOT of info and knowledge about where to start 3) you can possibly get academic consideration (they offered it to me but I turned it down, I don't want there to be any doubt in my mind that I didn't earn my marks - but that's just my perspective. I feel like I'm still high functioning enough that I may use it as a crutch and I don't want to give myself that option. It would be wonderful though for someone who really needs it). 4) at least someone is now aware of your situation and will follow up with you and hold you accountable for your treatment.

I hope you're doing better today!

Noori

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 7

Wow Noori, we've got a lot in common, too bad its about feeling bad. I'm an undergrad too who was high achieving in high school and even my first 3 years in university but this year I can't handle it any more, its a struggle to make myself get up let alone go to class and I find myself just finishing assignments just to get them off my plate, sometimes they're incoherent because I can't concentrate and my mind is blank, which will be very useful when exams start in the next 2 weeks. I don't want to go anywhere and I feel guilty about the money and time I'm wasting too, and then that starts the crying. I literally made my first post yesterday above yours when my mom told me about this site through her work. Good job being able to take such good care of yourself! I'm sure we'll talk again soon! Good luck with your progress, I'm going to call about the counseling services at my school, it seems like they've helped you.

thanks

-pinkminke

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 57

Hi Noori:

Glad to hear you got a good night's sleep! if you should get stuck again on the sleeping problem, one thing that really helps me is taking a nice warm bath or shower about an 1 hour before I go to bed. Works wonders!.

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