Well, I was 'feeling good' but right now I feel like I've made no progress whatsover. Just been deluding myself. And I'm such a lucky man - stable family, job, home, no major traumas or disasters in my life - so why why why is everything so difficult, is everyday life so full of darkness and strain and sorrow and moments when the rug is just pulled out from under my feet? How many times can I pull myself up again? What will become of me when I really have to face a crisis? I'm so weak and pointless and full of ego and without direction. Wading slowly through knee-deep mud towards a grey future. Is there any way out of this for good, for keeps??
Wow, all frantic, breathless questions and not even the shadow of an answer. I'm trying the program, but just can't apply myself to it - I have a teflon mind at the moment, nothing sticks. So stick it all in a stupid poem, that's supposed to express it and make things feel better, right? Well, it nails down the despair for eternity, that's for sure, but .........
Burnt myself out now. Down here again. Not too much more to say. Sorry that ranting Pete is back. He was just taking a holiday.