mom, the hard work and payoff could be in a happy, well adjusted son. think about him since he isn't shutting you out or down. your husband on the other hand, maybe the cold shoulder? see how he likes it - go about your day - and make him come to you. if he loves you like he consistently says, tell him to prove it!!!! yikes, i'm feeling  (punchy?) today.

Mom of 3,   Have you ever felt like this before? How did you get yourself out of this mind set last time. Challenge your thought. you've worked through many sessions of the program now. Why are you feeling this way and how can you change it? Have you scheduled pleasant activities? Are you using your mood tracker?

  Brenna, Bilingual Health Educator

Thank you all for your replies.  I wish I could say that I feel differently but I don't.  I am having extreme problems keeping or getting myself positive.  I am not in a place that will allow me to form thoughts that are worth writing. I am tired.  I am confused.  I am hurt. I am angry.  Perhaps I will be able process your replies at some point but right now I'm not able to.  Sorry, I wish I was stronger, I am not right now.  Maybe the sun will come out tomorrow, but I doubt it. 

Hi Mom of 3,   I would like to simply emphasize a point made by Rose which is that "there's always hope". The fact that you are wanting to be more attentive and express how deeply you love your husband are positive things and your words and actions will convey that message. But you can only control your actions, and to a point, your feelings and thoughts. It is ok for you to ask for what you need without being accusatory and try not to make assumptions.   Good luck and please don't feel like the thread was hopeless...........your words help more than you realize.       Faryal, Health Educator

mom,
what happened in 3 days to take you from positive back into the pits? or the dungeon of despair as i call it. so wish he would go to counseling with you. my husband and i went to our 1st appt together yesterday. very interesting, he didn't go like he thought it would. i got lucky when i found her, the type of counselor that doesn't just sit there and take notes but kicks off her shoes and tells you what to do! the key is empathy - you think you know it but she tells me it's common to have weeklong retreats or seminars to just to go through the basics of empathy. we are both impatient people, and assume alot. you know what they say about assuming - it makes an ass out of you and me! our problem and it is a huge one involves my son. my husband tried to get through to him, but eventually gave up and told me it was him or me! to make a long story short, i chose him because i am a raging codependent and maybe his father would have better luck. well, he didn't and my son has gotten worse and is in jail on drug charges. my husband has said for the last two years that he can not under any circumstances come back here to live. that ultimatum has cut my love for him in about half. i understand his frustration. he say's he understands my pain. anyways, the counselor basically told my husband that he needed to compromise, that he had no right, that he didn't know how much he had really hurt me and that we needed to work on empathizing with each other but also to problem solve - without dwelling on the past, without attacking or blaming each other. she got him to look me in the eyes and tell me how sorry he is, how badly he feels for me, how hard it must be for me. he said yes - he could come back if the need be under certain circumstances. on the drive home, it started raining and thundering a huge downpour and i started crying and asked him why tell her yes when he tells me no for 2 years? was he a torturer in a former life or what? anyways, we came home argued some more, i asked him if he was going to take it back, did he feel duped or fell under the spell of a good psychologist? we both ended up crying, then laughing, then making love for the first time really in a long time. there is hope mom! there's always hope. you have to be willing to try new things or different approaches. insanity is doing the same thing in the same way and expecting a different result. no effort is worthless. you're worth your weight in gold and if your husband doesn't see that - then it's his loss. i wish you all the best mom, i really do