Yesterday my dad called me at work and said my grandmother (97) had fallen and he couldn't get her to go to the doctor. I asked him where she was and he said at her homemaker's meeting. I was a bit confused but left work and went immediately to her meeting and there she sat with a bandage on her leg that looked like something from WWII. Anyway, I asked her what happened and she told me she shut the door of her car and her leg was too close. Without going into gruesome details, there was blood in her shoes and she had done this at a store and would not let them call 911, my dad had happened along to the same store (small town) and she wouldn't go for him. She went to her homemaker's meeting, driving herself! So he called me. First thing she said to me was I'm not going. Well, trying to be as respectful as possible, as that is the way I was taught to communicate with my grandmother, I said yes, if I look at it and you need to, you will go. Needless to say - I made her go - It was gruesome.
A bit 'o family dynamics. My dad and uncle (my grandmother's two sons) are alcoholics. My mother (married to dad for 46 years) passed away 2.5 years ago. My uncle is divorced. I help my grandmother as much as I can. My dad called my uncle after he didn't have any success with her and he said call me. He did and I love my grandmother, we are very close and have always been. However, after mom died, the caretaking has fallen on my shoulders. Caretaking of dad, as well. He's 71. I don't have a problem doing this, but I have a problem doing this.
I love my grandmother and would do anything to help her out; she is like a best friend to me, I can tell her anything. We have an awesome relationship; however, some of these things are their responsibility. Neither of them showed up at the hospital. Dad knew I had fallen and a sprained shoulder from Saturday. Still it all fell on my shoulders (literally and metaphorically) and I resent that! I've thought about this all day today - I started to feel guilty and I thought wait a minute....I don't mind being there for grandmother, I resent my dad and uncle for expecting me to do what I perceive as their job or at least showing up.
I have tried to communicate this to them. It does no good. I have to nag them to get them to help her around her house when things need to be done. I would not risk not doing things for risking my grandmother not being taken care of - and I think they take advantage of this. There is also some stereotyping involved here - that some things it's just better that a woman do! Argh, another resentment. I have a brother and two cousins - useless in terms of dealing with any of the three. I can't seem to turn my back on them.
Okay, I'm rattling on again. Just trying to sort through these thoughts and feelings. Don't think I can change helping grandmother when the need arises. My grandmother and I do spend quality time together, going to lunch, sitting and chatting and I am recording her memory of 97 years. I don't want this issue to take away from my relationship with her.
Then I have these thoughts, if mom were here.....whom I miss terribly (not just in these situations). And that makes me sad, because I know that she would have helped me. But I can't change that!
Any feedback? Insight? Suggestions?
