Hello Mom of 3,
I juist wanted to stop in an d say hello. Mostly I wanted to let you in on something htat helped me feel a lot better. It might not be any of my business and if it sounds preachy I am sorry it does not mean to be. Remember that english is not my first language as such I sometimes have trouble judging the tone of what I write. Well here goes.
A long time ago, I kept wanting to be cured of my "illness" like one is cured from acold. Also, I figured being cured was a state where all my sadness and anxieties would be under control. I also thought that maintaining what I had managed to learn meant getting it perfect. I am a perfectionnist as such I shoot for perfection. As such I always considered myself as sick, as not good enough, as crashing, as not maintaining, basically I felt I was wanting. And hey, I am not saying I don't have days where I still think that way or feel that way. But it is ok. That is the whole point. This is what I am slowly learning. For me cured is relative now. I am cured when I am mostly happy overall. I still get bad days but that is normal everybody does. I maintain what I have gained when overall I maintain it. sometimes I will do badly and have horrible days or even weeks. But I conseider that if my life is overall good in the long run I am ok, I am cured, I am maintaining. The funny thing is, this way of seeing thingss makes even the horrible moments more acceptable and easier to go through. And hey, if I am here, it is because I don't have all the answers and I don't always get it, etc. But I did want to share this with you because I think we are hard on ourselves and we are perfectionnits and as such we am for the perfect sure, the perfect happiness and we feel inadequate if we don't reach it. Anyway, I may be completely off base. What do I know? I just think success is a vaster concept that we think and just because there are dips and peaks, it does not mean we are not successful. But as I said, that is just my opinion.
Anyway, hope I have not overstepped any boundaries sharing this with you. It is just something that has made my life better and as such I wanted to share.
Hang in there. When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on tight.
any compost 
