acctually it is the anxiety that causes me to have a colony of geribles in my head. When they are loose that is wen my thoughts go racing everywhere... I do not know what causes what ... the highs and lows of bi-polar and the fear from my anxiety... am I not sure if I become depressed or manic because I exhaust myself with worry and fears that will never manifest... or am i always anxieous because I can hit some nasty lows and have a bit of trouble getting out... anyways both are chemical imbalances. and both are the current diagnoses of a few psychiatrists! Maybe there is something in the cycles you are in that are more closely related to habits, addictions, and the chemical imbalance that is depression in part and in part the way we think... talk to the professional about it you might be surprised! I raised my sister between the ages of 15 to 21 (we have 8 years of difference) and teens can make you feel bi-polar! She resisted every effort I made at helping her learn to be independant. I do not know if my years at school can be called shift work ;p Classes from 8:45 to 5pm; 6pm to 10pm work; 11pm till death studies and exercises.

Sorry to hear that you've had some setbacks, rcguy, but don't give up. The bank should be pretty motivated to help you figure your way through your debts, as it's a lot less expensive for them than foreclosing. You'll read in other posts about how tough it is to find a good counsellor -- it's really frustrating waiting for someone else to help, especially if s/he doesn't seem to care much. Rather than take it personally, though, keep in mind that it's simply bureaucracy in action. They may eventually be helpful, so I wouldn't cancel everything, but do what you can on your own in the meantime. This program is great, and you can do it anytime. Not quite the same as a live group, but not a poor second. Are there any self-help groups in your area? They are often free or minimal cost. Ask your doctor about bi-polar, but anxiety and depression often go hand in hand. I have both, and I've decided that my theme song is U2's "Stuck in a Moment You Can't Get Out Of". Because of the fear and anxiety, I hesitate to do the very things that would actually make me feel a lot better... which tosses me into the downward spiral as I berate myself for giving in to my fears, etc, etc. Wine to relax in the evening is a temptation I've been giving in to far too much -- as Sandy and the others wrote: it harms more than it helps. So then, how to deal with the racing thoughts and overwhelming stress? Do you have other outlets for stress? A sport? Exercise? Music? I do yoga and meditation. Well, sporadically. I've been using the wine crutch for several months instead, but I've been motivated to change that -- thanks to you for opening up and starting this thread. :) I think that part of feeling caught in a moment or loop or spiral is feeling a lack of control. There are lots of things happening in our lives that we have little control over, at least in the short-term: case managers, shiftwork hours, other people's behaviour in general, the weather, bureaucracy... But there are always things that we do have control over -- find one of those things, something that's really bothering you, and change it. It's surprising how good it feels to take even one small step toward getting some semblance of control back over your life. At some point, when you're ready, write about your marriage and the abuse. Some of us have been there, and know that it's a very lonely and disheartening place to be. It was such a relief for me to find others who understood the subtle, behind-the-scenes cruelty that I experienced. Hopefully we can give you some support. Be good to yourself.

Hi Wildcat; Josie is right, we can learn from each other. Thanx for sharing. I sometimes think i'm stuck in a loop of time.Because i'm anxious i drink, that makes me more depressed, wich makes me anxious. Like running in a down-ward spiral. Drinking slows my mind from racing like you talk about. Is it possible that i'm bi-polar? I really want to get into a group but shift working makes it impossible. I backed out of an anxiety group last year b/c of the time of day. Sorry to say some bad news today, the new counselor that was going to get me hooked up with a depression group, called to cancel. Since i already have a case manager (that i have a hard time contacting) i can't switch to someone else. After she called i felt so rejected and hopeless. thought of cancelling everything. As for the mortgage, the bank rep. is too busy to talk to me, i have an appointment on thursday. I'm not looking forward to it. Not sure i can afford 2 mortgages, maybe i have to sell. With 3 kids at home, ages 12,14,19, money is tight. Well as they say one day at a time....g'nite...rcguy

Wildcat, Thanks for sharing! Your experience is well received and we hope members can learn from one another. Don't worry clothes are everywhere here as well, as long as you paid the mortgage, there is always a couch to sleep on :) Josie, Support Specialist

My turn, my turn at the computer. Oh man it is tough to get my turn here. My son wants video games and my daughter wants her music... Hi RCGuy, Anxiety and depression are Often co-morbid, illnesses that occur together ... something about the brain chemicals out of balance. So I have had a panic attack or three. I fight daily with generalized anxiety and I have an obsessive-compulsive disorder. I attend weekly meetings of Phobies-Zero for this and am learning to get a hold of these problems. Now my psychologist wants me to learn about my bi-polar disorder (that which makes me depressed). I think that the anxiety disorders are best helped by groups. it provides a really good learning environment and SAFE space to work out the fears. A counselling session is good to learn but the real work is in the pratice. Praticing to be anxieous and not let it rule your actions. Pratice at being scared stupid and not running for a safe cover. I tried the alcohol thing for a bit back when I was at the university. It helped me to sleep many nights when anxiety rushed so much adrenaline thru me that I could have ripped an elephant in halp with one hand and my teeth (the other hand was holding the cafe-latte). I did the alcohol thing to be able to endure other people in the 4 feet of personal space I needed. It keep me from worring about the germs they were giving me and from worring about what horrible things they were getting and learning from me. The alcohol slowed down the midnight express that was about to explode in my head, it slowed down my thinking, and my obsessing, and it stretched my attention of one subject. But was wrecking havoc on my body and my new boyfriend at the time did not appreciate puke-breath! So iknow that looking at that bright container with the elixer of Pan is such a temptation. It has that immediate effect like NOTHING else (it's the side-effects that are long-term). as for the relationship, I really won the lottery of a life-time! I dated the best young gentle-man back in 1989 and married him in 1996. We had a son in 1998 and a dauhgter in 2002. He is my best-friend, my lover, my accountant, and my support group all in one (and his dirty clothes are abandoned everywhere from the living room through the kitchen to each of the three bed-rooms). i do not think I would have any real advise on how to gt a relationship back on track. but I hope the morgage thing went well today...

Good morning everyone; Ready for a good week? Sorry Daily Llama, but when i've been to AA meetings my anxiety really makes it imposible. I need help with social phobia that i've had since ???? The counselors at detox run a daily group, i try to go as often as i can. After years of mild to severe depression, coming in waves, is this my new normal life? Will i have to change meds again?(UUUGGGH!) Most of all i wish i could learn what happened to start this rollercoaster. Take care rcguy

RCguy, Get yourself to AA and just sit and listen. It's time. When that one is over, go to another. Drink chamomile tea instead of the two bumpers of wine... plan on two AA meets per day for thirty days....do exercise while sitting on a chair until you're ready to do some stretching standing up... little bits, is what I'm saying here...

Awww, thanks Confused. It's so good to hear that my sharing is of value to others. It seems to me that people like you ... people who are obviously willing to do what they need to do ... are the ones who get the furthest in life. That's an inspiration to me. I have mastered a few things along the way, but struggle like crazy with other things. I always try to maintain that attitude of willingness that you expressed in your post. Seeing others do so well at it gives me strength. [IMG]http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a4/JR_Sandy/forum%20stuff/ahugging_smilies-1.gif[/IMG]

Thank you so much, Sandy, for sharing your experience. It shook me out of my denial/resistance about the amount of red wine I drink. Judging by other posts about meds, I'm on rather a lot of medication and still manage to convince myself that a glass or 2 of wine in an evening won't hurt. But you've made very clear to me that I'm simply undoing all the good stuff -- then I get frustrated because moving forward is so slow and difficult! I knew this already somewhere in my mind, and was deliberately ignoring it. Thanks everybody, for being so open -- reading about all of you facing up to your foolhardiness made it easier for me to face my own.

RCGuy ... Congrats on your 10 days. Even after a couple decades, I still do it one day at a time. I can't begin to imagine spending the rest of my life doing [i]anything[/i], nevermind something difficult, but I can manage it for 24 hours. I can pretty much handle anything if I take it in bits. :) [IMG]http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a4/JR_Sandy/encouragement55B25D.jpg[/IMG] I'm glad you are finding some good stuff here. I haven't been around that long myself, but I've found this place to be a real treasure.