I too was also raped and sexually molested by my father when I was younger. My father died when I was 15, so I didn't have a chance to talk to him about this. It has screwed me up in the worst way. I'm 26 now. I got alot issues from it. I hit myself when I get upset or mad or whatever, but not everytime. It really bothers me. I just feel like giving up and dying. I have alot of sucidal thoughts as well. Now, I'm trying to get my life together. I figure new year, new me. I was married for 2 years to a Polish man, then he left after he just used me for the Greencard. That, alone, screwed me up and since last year I got fired from my job after my husband left and haven't worked for over a year now. Just been really depressed and smoking marijuana and doing XTC and putting myself in bad situations. Now, I am trying to get my life back together. I am now divorced, no kids. I have had 2 aborations. One when I was 15 and the other just last Fall. I was raped as well when I was 18. Like I mentioned before I was abused by my father too. I am in Therapy and have been on Paxil Cr before, but it made me more depressed cause I gained 20 pounds from taking it, so I stopped taking Paxil after 3 or 4 months of being on it. I'm glad I stopped or else I would be a pig by now. :-) Anyhow, I have been through a great deal myself and I just turned 26 years old. It's hard. I live with this guy who I met last year and who has been there for me when I was going through a rough time, but now he's depressed and I still am as well, so it makes things twice as hard as they were from before. I just wish I could be normal and happy. Sometimes, I think I'm crazy. I hit myself. That really scares me and makes me cry. I do alot of other things that make me wonder. I even sometimes thing I should check myself into a Hospital myself and tell them to lock me up for good cause I don't feel I can fuction in this world. I'm also dealing now with this fact my Therapist has crossed the line with me. A few sessions ago, he kissed me and we messed around, but did not have intercourse. He told me he cares for me and loves me and I said the same back, but now he's worried he may have made things worse for me. I'm so confused onto what to do about it. I keep seeing him a