Same type of thing here. Started having anxiety in university...first attack was in December 2001 (although I didn't know it was anxiety then). My attacks were associated with exams/midterms. Went on meds of Feb 2003, and things were well. In June 2012 my doctor and I decided to discontinue the meds as I was no longer in school. Things were good until Dec 2013, and then BOOM, total panic again...and things have been horrible since then. Back on meds in Jan 2014, changed them in August, and just upped the dosage today. So very frustrated.
My anxiety symptoms used to be very predictable. Among other symptoms, I had the typical "butterflies" in my stomach (like you get when you have a job interview or first date). Lately, I've been experiencing a lot of symptoms that are associated with anxiety, but I don't feel the butterflies in my tummy. I've been getting chest and throat pain, feeling like I'm choking or suffocating, dizzy, etc. Some of these symptoms are similar to my previous anxiety symptoms, but they are also very different....and I'm not sure what's going on.
If these symptoms are indeed anxiety, why have they changed? If they're not...then what? I've had nuclear stress tests, most recently in July 2014, and they say my heart is fine, so the chest and throat pain shouldn't be from my heart....(but trying to convince my brain and heart of that are tough). My doctor and I decided to increase my medications today....and I go back in 4 weeks.
My condolences on your mother's passing. May the happy memories you have of her help you through this difficult time. I'm not sure what the best way to mourn is. Everyone is different. Some people want the comfort of other people around, while others want to be alone with their grief (I am the latter). Take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, one activity at a time.
I've posted this before, but maybe writing about it again will help. I've been having chest and throat pain for months. While it is atypical for blocked arteries in the heart, it is terrifying the crap out of me. I've had 2 normal nuclear stress tests in the last year (which are > 90% accurate for determing if someone has blocked arteries), and countless "unofficial" regular stress tests, but I can't seem to get it through my head that my heart is fine.
The problem, I think, is that chest pain like this was never really one of my panic and anxiety symptoms. I know anxiety symptoms can change, but it still scares me so much.
The last two days, my anxiety has been so terrible. I woke up at 4:00 this morning, and have been in a state of near terror since then. It was so bad that I was dry heaving in the shower this morning. I'm at work right now, and barely managing to hold my emotions in check. I feel so helpless and alone. Unless someone has been through this, no one can understand what I'm going through. I feel like such a failure that I can't control this better.
This has been a very difficult week for me. My anxiety has been spiraling out of control since July. I went to my doctor on Friday, and she has ordered me off work for 2 weeks, at which time I'll be reassessed. I work in the cardiology department of a hospital, and am completely useless right now. I don't want to be off work, but I certainly don't want to put my patients at risk while I'm in this state. Being off work is causing quite a bit of guilt and disappointment in myself. Disappointment that I'm having such a difficult time controlling my anxiety, and guilt in that I am away from work and not there to help. We are also going to change my anxiety medications again.
I'm hoping the next two weeks will see a fairly smooth transition from one medication to another, and at least allowing me to get back to a spot where I can get back to dealing with my anxiety in a more constructive method, rather than the crisis mode I'm in right now.
This is my 2nd time off work for anxiety this year. Last time was in January. I wasn't completely off work but I was on strict modified duty with no patient contact (basically just doing computer work and whatnot a couple days a week with a gradual buildup of days, hours and responsibility until I was back to my regular duties).
Even before I saw my doctor and she took me off work, my coworkers told me not to worry about work...it would still be there...and I needed to take time to get myself better. But it's still hard. There are others who will be covering for me...except for 2 afternoons and one full day...so I'm feeling slightly less guilty about it now.
Now if I can just get my anxiety a bit more under control. I'm even thinking of restarting this program from scratch.
I need to get back to a place where I can challenge my negative thoughts more effectively. It's very hard to do this when you're in a crisis mode (which I've been in for the last 10 days or so). Once things settle down a bit more, I hope to be able to move forward. It's just going to take time....which is difficult to accept. We always want instant results...but that's not the case with anxiety and CBT trainig.
Being alone makes me sad. However, I don't enjoy going out/I'm not really a social person...so this is a double edged sword. I am more comfortable sitting at home watching a movie or playing a game with one or two people than going to a party where there are lots of others there....even if they are friends of mine. I don't see my friends very often, as they all have very different lives. I am the only one out of my group of good friends from high school who isn't married and/or has kids. This makes me sad as well. I don't have a significant person in my life...and because I dislike going out....I don't meet people/date.
Well...just back from seeing my doctor (actually saw a resident working with her). My doctor had ordered me off work 2 weeks ago b/c my anxiety was so bad and out of control. It's currently associated with chest pain I've been having since May/June (well...it actually started back in October 2013 but it's been continuous since the summer). I've had 2 nuclear stress tests and an echo since October 2013, all fine, but I can't seem to get it through my head that my heart is fine. Now booked for a gastroscopy in January and working on changing my anxiety meds. Also going to start seeing the social worker from the doctors office again (saw her a few times back in Feb/March of this year...but the first available appointment with her is going to be January 2nd).
Going to try going back to work on Monday. The biggest challenge I'm going to face is the fact that I work in the cardiology department of a hospital and do stress tests on people with chest pain every day. How ironic that cardiology technologist is terrified of heart problems. Over the summer I've developed some very bad OCD habits in an attempt to ease my anxiety. I've been doing multiple ECGs on myself every day and even "unofficial" stress tests after everyone else had left for the day. It got so bad that this destructive behaviour wasn't easing my anxiety anymore.
This is going to be a very difficult for me. The nature of my schedule/patient bookings/our staffing levels at work doesn't really allow for me to take much of a break/get away for a few minutes. I go pretty much non-stop from 0800 until lunch, and then again from 1300-1530. I just hope I can manage. I feel terrible being off work as I know how busy/short staffed we are. Sigh.
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