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13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

Down in the doldrums

Hi Teebs,

its hard to feel lonely. Over the last month of working through the program I've felt lonely without letting it turn to panic like it used to. the first time i sat and felt lonely, i even said to myself "I'm lonely' out loud and that was wierd too. It felt like the first time i was in touch with a discomfort that i wasn't actively trying to dig my way out of furiously. feeling lonely was uncomfrotable for me.

It passed after 2 days. I look back now andconsider it success and a good thing that i had a moment where i simply said "i'm lonely" and didn't need to rationalize or deny it to myself anymore. i am not saying this is what you should do but i am saying that as davit has said, perspective helps a lot. feeling lonely is natural sometimes. espeically when people leave to go have fun without you. that is probably the most natural reaction in the world to that scenario if i may offer that suggestion. i'm not saying "hooray - you felt lonely - thats a good thing" but i guess in a way i'm saying that i experienced the ability to say i felt lonely as progress given where i started in the program (panic when feeling emotions) . and you have shared info that you and i have been through similar scenarios with our anxiety. so i thought i'd offer that.

what did i do after a while of sitting outside alone feeling lonely? i found a project to engage myself and focus on. i find that anything to do with my hands requires enough focus that i can help myself ride out the loneliness when it comes. or i watch my favorite comedy shows on dvd. but if you are at work maybe yo ucan find something funny to read or watch online to help shift your focus. just friendly suggestions.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

Proudly dealing with the issues as they come.

Wow! Brittany, this is so great that you are tackling this and know that you are worth taking care of at your age. Like many older people here on the forum I admire your insight. I am trying hard not to be ageist or insinuate that 17 year olds do'nt know how to care for themselves but I was a 17 year old who didn't take care of herself and i see many other young women doing the same.

at your age i thought my anxiety was pms (like KT mentioned in her post). i now know that it is not. however, i also have realized since going through the program that pms can be exacerbated by anxiety issues (or maybe vice versa).CBT has not alleviated my PMS but it has helped me to distinguish between the 2 and see how one might feed the other if i d'not take care of myself and express my boundaries and needs verbally with people when I am pre-menstrual (a seperate topic).

Anyways, keep seeking answers to your questions, and you can save yourself years that women like me suffered in silence not getting help for hormonal issues or anxiety.

I like that you said "seperate the anxiety from everything else" I personally have experienced that this becomes easier and easier to do the more you do it.

Good for you!

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

What it means to believe

KT,

I feel for you. not getting proper sleep as you know, is not good for you. I agree with Red, consider Davit's advice, he really knows what he is talking about with this.

Relaxing techniques, I admit, i watch my favorite show before bed which I know all the advice is to not watch tv. but i make sure it is something comforting. the tv equivalent of mac and cheese. :) Don't underestimate a warm bath and anything else you find relaxing.

I also bought a herbal pill "relax and sleep" at the drug store and used it for a while. it has the same thing as sleepy time tea - basically catnip and chamomile. the catnip was a bit too much for me, but it did help me sleep. it is worth a try. you'd know right away if it doesn't work for you.

It is really hard to let go of the worry about something like being able to go to sleep. it can consume you and feels like a vicious circle, you worry about not sleeping and this prevents you from being able to get to sleep. i feel your pain on this. again, listen to davit, and try to focus on anything that helps you to feel relaxed especially before bedtime.

Keep posting here. I posted A LOT when I tackled my first few negative thoughts / worry. I was out of touch with how to relax as well. It gets easier. Posting a lot is welcomed here. you are not alone.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

Tips to relieve stomach tension?

Hi Brittany,

I have had a nervous stomach for as long as I can remember and here's what I found worked for me if you are still looking for remedies to try.

Eno I find works well a lot of the time. Tums, not as well but still seem to help a bit.

Candied ginger, it tastes pretty strong but it seems to help. I think it worked best when I nibbled on it slowly throughout the day.

and when my reflux and overall nervous stomach got really bad I tried this mixture that i read about, it is ayervedic I think. It tastes really sour but it also seemed to help. It is 1 part finely chopped fresh ginger, 1 part salt and 2 (or a bit more to taste) of lemon juice. I would do about a tsp of the first 2 and 2 tsp of lemon juice and nibble on it slowly (the ginger absorbs the lemon juice). I don't know why it helped or if it was a placebo effect even, but it was very acidic and seemed to calm the knot feeling in my stomach. you could try it when your stomach is not feeling bad just to see if the taste is palatable to you. if it makes you feel more upset, don't use it of course. in general i find salty things help my stomach and i've never figured out why but they do.

i've tried mint leaves too. They work but not as well as the ginger for me.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

How To Make Friends

Shari,

Thanks for posting this. Its really great to hear your story about finding new friends.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

dealing with what was hiding underneath the anxiety

hi all,

i have not been here in a while. i started the program in august and enjoyed a very good september. i reconnected to my strength. i believed positive things about myself. i felt like a good person for real. but october has been pretty miserable though. i was hit with an emotional tidal wave that started around thanksgiving and hasn't subsided yet. i cannot locate the strength and connection to my inner peace that i had in september and that i know is there (somewhere) because i've had it before throughotu my life at times when i've fought my anxiety.

my anxiety has been much better managed thanks to this program. however, there were things hiding beneath the anxiety that i did not 'see' until recently. namely, lonelyness and sadness. i've been sad and grieving losses of relationships i ended because they were dysfunctional beyond repair. its good for me that i ended them, but still grieving the loss. i'm not depressed, i know the difference from experience and reading about depression. i am sad, and also angry. i'm angry about being left alone at such a young age to fend for myself. i'm angry about the conditions under which i developed anxiety because now that my anxiety around day to day stuff is subsided, i'm able to see it as a condition i've had for most of my life.

does anyone have advice about what sort of counseling to seek out or what a good next step might be for me? i've been told i suffer from emotional intolerance meaning i struggle to feel ok with holding difficult emotions (sadness, anger). i would agree with that assessment. For years, my cycle would be : something would happen, i'd feel bad about it, feeling bad would make me feeling anxious and then i'd focus on the anxiety until it was relieved. once my anxiety was relieved, i didn't want to 'go back in' to explore the original issue - why would i? my anxiety would flare up again as a result. i've been waiting to find someone to go inside with me but i realize now that i can't keep waiting for that from a friend or relative. i have to find counseling help for that. what sort would I ask for? what stage am I at in this process? any thoughts? my core belief is that i cannot do this work alone. and from the last 3 weeks, i can tell you, doing it all alone at home alone has left me miserable. i think i need support so i stop trying to address my anger and wounds all alone.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

dealing with what was hiding underneath the anxiety

Hi Davit,

Thanks so much. I was hoping you were around to reply. I am at the moment feeling better, some reprieve after so much emotion over the last few days. I know that over time I will get better at taking care of myself. I read what I had journaled about in May and I can see where I have improved my perspective and beliefs and where I am still stuck.

I do think I want to talk to a therapist in person in my area. What should I ask or look for?

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

dealing with what was hiding underneath the anxiety

Thanks Teebs and davit!

I'm going to call a couple people next week and see how it goes. I'm not always good at trusting when I click with someone or not.

I am not even sure what i really want from someone at this point. Sometimes i feel like i want someone to shepard me through the difficult emotions. Sometimes I feel like i want help to resolve them (if that is even possible).

When I get sad now, i can use CBT to at least recognize how many negative thoughts i'm having. but even when i control those to a large degree, the sadness, which is real and based on real losses in my life, remains. i don't want to feel like this for ever. its been about 6 months since i decided to end certain relationships that were making me feel like a doormat with the person. since then, as i've posted before, i've been lonely and tried to find new friends but being sad and processing so much grief and loss is preventing me from having the energy and ability to really connect or even just be relaxed around new people which is necessary in order to get to know new people.

I'm going to approach next week by reverting back to what i was doing in september. it probably did make a difference. i focused more on the present task. i don't know what to do with sadness. if i let it, it can consume me for 3 hours or 3 days or even 3 weeks pretty much. i don't want to suppress the sad feelings but i don't want them to inhibit functioning which they are doing this last month. they are preventing me from engaging with people around me, from sleeping well, from being able to rest and think pleasant thoughts, from doing all sorts of things. i grew up suppressing feelings, and i believe that feelings are very important and should not be suppressed. but now my sadness and anxiety are tag teaming me into having miserable days and weeks lately where i either feel anxious or sad. this is progreess from not feeling anything at all 2 years ago but still like i say, affecting my ability to feel content and at peace when awake and sometimes when sleeping too.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

Relations/Resolving Disputes

Red,

That is awesome! I loved reading this story. Congratulations.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

What does a support person mean to you?

I have come to understand over the last few months that a support person may not be able to offer any insights, but they can still be supportive. I really wanted supportive friends who also had some insights to share. I am now going to pay a counsellor for the insights and hopefully expect less from people in my life in terms of insight, and just be grateful for the supportive words or hugs they can offer, if they offer it.

A supportive person can also help you with tasks that might get in the way while you need time to focus on the program. for example, offering to help with grocery shopping or something like that, or cleaning up the house or hiring someone to clean up the house so you have more time to yourself. there are lots of ways people can be supportive if they want to be.

I agree about a support person being someone who is accepting, and encouraging. those are not small, those can be a big help. I just wanted to echo what you wrote and share what i've learned about what a support person is or does since my stance on this has changed recently from going through the program.

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