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Posts created by Sunflower Painter

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 250

Shari´s Move

I forgot to mention that yes, we do have a lot in common lol.

I find that when I am dieting I struggle because I stop using my own intuition for eating. On weight watchers i eat all the points i have in a day even though I am not hungry lol!

I react poorly when I am told I can't have something. I think about that food and crave it. I guess it makes me feel trapped or something.

Sunflower

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 250

Interviews

I just came home from another interview. It went really well.

After lots of thinking I realized that I need to work with children. I just like it too much to give it up. So, I applied for 2 jobs, and got 2 interviews. Both are working with children with special needs, which is my passion. I love it. Flower arranging is nice but I can't do it for a long term job so I turned the position down. It felt right.

I also changed my references so no one from my last job will be contacted. I think they may have been saying untrue things but I am not sure.

Sometimes my anxiety tells me important information. I find that certain situations cause me so much anxiety that I have to realize that they are wrong for me. I knew that I loved working with children with special needs but ignored my own desires.

I think this is all part of the process of talking more positively to myself if that makes sense. Instead of just applying for random jobs I decided to pick from my strengths. Hopefully it works out :)

My next interview is next Tuesday. I also go and spend an hour or so at the place where I went today on Wednesday to see if I like it. Just for an hour or so which is nice so I can see if it is a good fit.

So for this weekend I plan on relaxing and enjoying myself. I haven't been doing that much lately. Halloween night was the worst. Since then I am doing some online help and reading more often.

Take care everyone, and thanks for being there.

Sunflower

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 250

Interviews

The interviews went well. I went to one today and the people there were super nice. I am supposed to go in tomorrow morning for trial work for an hour or so. I am not looking forward to it for some reason.

My daughter was home today sick. Again. Her throat is sore etc. I have no idea how other people do it, working full time and having a school aged child.

One thing I finally noticed about my anxiety level is that I can't have caffeine.

So, now I have to figure out tomorrow. I am super anxious.

Sunflower

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 250

Interviews

My daughter was so sick, I had to reschedule the work day.

I am doing the program and am using other programs as well. The hardest part is the feeling that I am trapped. No matter what in order to get over this I have to do what I am most afraid of, working. I am afraid I will get fired or screw up.

Sunflower

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 250

The Stress Response and Role Transition

Role transition is stressful. For me it hit me one evening. I was sitting watching tv and my husband was busy using his iPod and my daughter was using her ipad. I realized that maybe they don't need me as much as they used to. Not in a bad way. It was just that now was the time to move on, get a job and try to live my own life.

Up until recently I had lived for other people. When I was working I never connected with anyone and didn't attend any work functions so I could be available for my family. I didn't take any self interest courses or make friends because they would impact my family time.

I was very cut off. I didn't feel happy unless I was taking care of my family.

My daughter is 11 yrs old so her growing up changed my life too. She doesn't need me as much as she did when she was 4 yrs old. She will always need me but in other ways.

Now I am left with the huge task of trying to figure out who I am and what I even like. I started small. I realized that I hate certain foods so I didn't eat them. My family liked them so I ate them. I guess I was just a doormat in a way. I never had a life of my own.

Now I am trying to figure out what to do with my career. I would love the title of that book Shari.

Sunflower

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 250

Interviews

Shari, I love the avatar :)

I can no longer postpone working, my employment insurance runs out on the 17th. I need to work.

I have applied and gone for interviews within the child care industry which is what I trained for 2-1/2 years to do but can't seem to land a position. I am worried that my references are not good. I changed them but everyone knows everyone in this stupid city. I hate my city in case you didn't know lol.

I turned down a position in the floral dept at a safeway. It was ok but the idea of having to work the cash register in the main part when I was needed freaked me out. I am horrible with math. I thought child care was the way to go so I turned it down and tried again.

Now I am seeing that jobs I have interviewed for are still not filled. I am doing something wrong obviously. I have one more opportunity. There is a special needs position here in the downtown area. It would be full time, 9 or 930 to 5 or 530. I am supposed to go down on tuesday for an hour or so to see if it is a good fit.

I also went to another interview this past tuesday which was really good, close to home etc. I know one of my references were contacted. They are supposed to let me know by the end of today.

I suppose I struggle with trying to figure out if there is a plan to my own life. I know that the bible says there is but so far if there is a God he is keeping me in the dark.

I hope you are doing well,

Sunflower

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 250

How can I stop?

I find that the only thing that actually helps me is talking or writing out my problems. Also exercising them out helps me too. I find have so much energy for panic attacks so I need to get rid of it in some construction way.

Sunflower

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 250

Interviews

I do need to work. Part time would work as well. I have student loans to pay back and our car is not working as well as it should. Basically my husbands money pays for mortgage, food and bills. Anything extra would be my money, like clothes, entertainment, house improvements etc.

I think the longer I am out of work the harder it will be to get back in. I am just stuck.

Sunflower

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 250

Interviews

Thanks Shari :)

What was the name of that book?

Sunflower

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 250

Interviews

Hi Shari!!

Things have calmed down now. I am starting a new job at a grocery store in the flower department on Saturday. It is part time doing floral stuff so I am really happy. I feel much better. This is a fresh start for me so I feel more excited than nervous! That is a huge change for me. Usually I am sick with panic but not this time. In 1998 I trained to be a floral designer and worked part time at a couple of shops. At the time I thought full time work was necessary and listened to those around me who poopooed the industry. Basically I had friends who were super rich and they put the idea into my head that it wasn't good enough. Thank goodness with age comes wisdom lol

I have quit the child daycare industry all together. I am relieved. No more taking the kids outside for 1-3 hours a day in the hot hot summer or the cold cold winter. We get temps from -40 to +40 C. I am also happy that I will not have to deal with lice, scabies, ringworm, poop, puke and pee :) No more stress from planning activities etc.

Upon reflection over the past 2 years I have been a wreck because I wasn't listening to myself. I wasn't suited to do that kind of work but I took the training so I forced myself to do it. Now I realize why I struggled so much. I am looking forward to a job finally. Just a regular job type job. No more anxiety over having to counsel parents or having to report child abuse. I am starting a job that I can leave at work. I won't bring home any major stress issues. I will be busy but thats ok, I can handle that. I just need to be in control of myself and not a room full of screaming children lol. I think as my daughter grew older my tolerance levels matched her age. Now that she is 11 I am just not into looking after little kids.

I am glad I learned all this. I don't look at the past 2 years as wasted though. These 2 years I built up my inner strength. I know I can cope :)

So how are you doing Shari? What is new? Do you do any crafts or art? I find doing cross-stitch and painting makes me calm and happy.

Sunflower

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