I actually made it to a job interview today. Things went well, I was a little shaky but all in all it was ok. I rescheduled my other interview for friday, 2 in one day was too much.
I knew I had to do it so I did. I knew it would help me to build up confidence.
I am sort of a perfectionist but I am also terrified of criticism. I hate being judged etc because I already have low enough self esteem.
Today work was ok, I consoled myself by telling myself that I would resign on Monday. I doubt I will. I haven't heard anything back from my job interview, it is early days still.
I honestly can't think of one good thing about an interview. I suppose it would give us a chance to interview them as potential employers. My husband deals with interviews in this way.
I have to go into work early today and I am, of course, in a panic. I am full of anxiety and wish this would end. I am tired of being afraid all the time. I am tired of being sad and depression. I am tired of panicking. I was once told that panic attacks can only last for 30 minutes at a time. Then why are mine lasting a lifetime?
I am so scared to go to work today. I am afraid I won't be able to cope. This doesn't seem like a big deal when compared to what other people are going through. I feel selfish in a way.
I am now going to another interview this morning and another this afternoon. Of course now I doubt even changing jobs. I wonder if maybe my job isn't so bad? I just wish I knew myself enough to trust myself.
I am scared and leaving in 9 minutes. I hope I can drive and not panic.
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