Rosie, I have been hospitalized twice - both times I checked myself in. I took myself to the emergency because I was having thoughts of suicide. The first time was for a week - which was only long enough to stabilize me on meds. The second time I stayed for six weeks - which WAS helpful. I was first diagnosed with major depression in my early 20s (I am 47 now) so it has been a life-long battle. Dunnr
I have met a very nice man and we have had several coffee dates. It has been very uplifting to get out and spend time with someone. For a change I feel like I am leaving my Depression at home. It is evident that we both are interested in one another. My problem is that I am unsure of when to disclose my mental health and this is when my anxiety creeps in. I find the thought of being rejected yet again depressing and I have turned down the last two times he has asked to get together.
Anyone have thoughts on this. I just hate this hiding at home and ruminating over this.
This message is for Robyn and everyone... I suggest locating a support group that welcomes caregivers and support persons to attend. I am an assistant moderator of a Mood Disorder support group. It is not uncommon for first timers to the group to bring along a family member or support person. Often they are more eager to get answers than the individual. We will often shift our meeting to more of a question and answer session for the guest. Again and again I am thanked afterwards for the opportunity. I believe they walk away with a better understanding of their loved one's situation; their triggers; and, possible coping mechanisms. Most of all though, as we have members at all levels of their disease, it is an opportunity to realize they are not alone and that improvement is possible. It has appeared too that many of those support person who might have felt embarrassed experience a wave of relief.
Gosh if I could only make myself get out for a walk. I really need the physical activity. Reading your posts has given me a little bit of gumption to do so. I work all night tonight and next so the next two days are sleep days. Saturday then sounds like a day to try and make that walk.
The last 72 hrs have seen a major change. In July I was reassigned to a new work site. It resulted in fewer hours and lower pay. In addition to the worry about the loss of income the combination of personnel, work routine, and building environment has triggered my Depression and Anxiety. I am Depressed I can't cope and the Anxiety leaves me making myself sick. Three days ago I saw my psychiatrist. As per his instruction I have asked for immediate leave from work, had to face the wrath of my employers and have an application in for provincial disability (I was on it in the past for 2 years). I FEEL LIKE A COMPLETE LOSER. I FEEL LIKE I HAVE LET MY FAMILY DOWN. I AM EMBARRASSED. At the same time I worry about making ends meet. The only good news in all this is that my doctor has referred me to an intensive CBT program specifically for those with trauma issues. Now the waiting begins.
Hi Stephen and good to meet you. Nice to hear that you have a support person. As for the gambling, you are not alone. I belong to a large mood disorder group and a great many of us have concurrent issues such as that. I think it is a form of self 'medicating'. I'm sure the professionals around here can better speak to this. Anyway, hello.
Gosh I agree. My poor self image is the biggest reason I self isolate. I too find it near impossible to accept a compliment. I have a hard time believing I have dserved it and it only raises the standard I must meet.
I have put on weight since I took medication and have tried various. But since I have received treatment and switched to Abilify the symptoms don't seem as bad. Also since on abilify my weight seems to have stabilized.
Gosh, I wish I did get out. I spent the whole day staring outside willing myself to go out. I actually wanted to but I just wasn't able to climb over that invisible barrier that holds me back. Instead I came up with excuses - it's too cold (only 5C yesterday), I need to clean the house, I have a letter to write, I have the CBT homework to complete, etc, etc, etc.
Self isolating is a big problem when I get depressed and it seemed worse than it's been this weekend for a while. I am really anxious too - and anxious that my state of depression will worsen. I am really battling the negative automatic thoughts.
I never did get outside yesterday. Kept coming up with excuses. I am pretty miserable. Someone came over from my group yesterday. what was I supposed to do? Turn them away? I really wanted to though. I can barely tolerate him. I wonder if those things are worse when depressed: the inability to say no? The worsening ability to tolerate people for their shortcomings? I really wish I had the gumption to tell this person to get lost. Still, it at least got me off my hind end and gave me excuse to get dressed and tidy up. Is shortened temper a symptom of Depression?
Related to my thoughts below, is my inability to draw the boundries I normally would have. In social situations I have become uncomfortable with saying 'No' At other times I find I find it difficult to stand up for what is rightin situations I don't tolerate. I have become a wimp. I am afraid of confrontation. I assume this is part and parcel of Depression.
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