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Posts created by Courage

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 21

Just introducing myself

Hi,

I have come to this site by way of SHO (Smokers Helpline Online) as my quitting smoking seems to have inadvertantly (or maybe not) triggered a depression. I have proclaimed this the Year of ME! as selfish as that sounds, I am all about taking care of myself and being proactive in my life, rather than reactive. I quit smoking in early in November...my quit is going strong, but it has gotten all mixed up with in the depressive mood, mixing up cravings for mood swings/anxiety/depression.

I have a job that I love, that I am not terribly effective at right now...which feeds the fear of job loss. A girlfriend that I adore, who is feeling my depression right now (for the first time in our 1 year + relationship), and we're just starting to deal with it together. I was diagnoised with depressions in my early 20's, am in my mid-30's now - and its been a while, thankfully, since I have been this low.

I am on the up side, as I am taking the steps to turn it around, but have a long road ahead. Suppose by the time I get through this not smoking will be such a non-issue I will have forgotten I smoked for 20 + years.

Thank you in advance, to this site, for providing a safe forum, and to the members for being brave enough to be here.

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage, so I am tapping in to my inner-courage...I know its in there.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 21

Just introducing myself

Thanks Tiana. It's good to be here.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 21

Just introducing myself

Hey wellandhappy, thanks for introducing yourself (so to speak). I am very thankful for my partner. My depression and anxiety really hasn't been an issue within this relationship, so we are learning as we go now. Guess on a high note that means it's been over a year since I have had a depressive concern. As I generally do, I fought like hell on the way down to turn it around, seems once I am so far in to a down slope, I have to bottom out before I can pick up again - but we are talking about it now.

I am feeling a little overwhelmed at the lessons/homework/personal digging right now, but just knowing the site (and people that get it) are here is helpful.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 21

Just introducing myself

Thanks for checking in Tiana. I have only just begun to read the first section. I have limited internet access, and have been busy and ill. Off work yesterday and just a half day of work today - as there's a portion of my workday that I couldn't miss, but still ill with a stomach bug and heading home to bed asap. I know I have to do the work and that I will benefit from it, and I will start plugging away as time and energy permit.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 21

Just introducing myself

Thank you Strength and Ray, for popping by to say hello. Strength and Courage do seem to go hand in hand, don't they. I picked my nickname to remind me of on of my favorite quotes...

"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage"...With or without depression, I would like to think I am the type of person that wants to grow always, the depression just slow's down the progression at times. I am more than I allow myself to be, and that in itself can be depressing. I don't want my life, my impact in the world, my impact on my family, or my impact in my own life to be small.

I'm still not in the best place to really committ to this homework yet. I know procrastination and depression go hand in hand. I feel I have to get caught up and on track at work and I am having a hard enough time just with that end of things right now. My girlfriend and I had some good conversations recently, and I am feeling her support (one less area to worry/stress about), and my best friend has been in touch eveyday this past week - I maintain that I am on the right track here, but still struggling everyday, some more than others. I am torn, part of me thinks that if I push through, and tackle the homework/sessions it will help get me on track at work, and part of me feels I really need to take some time away from work and just rest before I take this on.

Best wishes everyone,

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 21

Afraid to get better?

Hi Wildwildlife,

I can relate. I'm a bit scared to really tackle this as well. I have experienced something very simliar recently, in that I quit smoking. After 21 + years, its still very difficult some days to not have that in my life anymore. It was so much a part of my day, of my activities, of who I was - and how I presented myself to others...I'm redefining myself now and with the drepression set in, I am feeling pretty lost. I am hoping that by doing this program I can learn and grow from my depression as I am redefining the new non-smoking me. There's a lofty goal!

We'll only ever get there one step at a time, and today I have taken a step.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 21

Would appreciate some points of view please

Hi Wellandhappy,

I have always believed that there is a difference between being alone, and being lonely, and that both are very normal and natural feelings to have at different times. Being alone I can do, lonely can be the tricky one. In recent years connection has become a very important word to me, but connection doesn't have to come in the form of an intimate relationship. In the past 10 years, I spent almost 7 single - sometimes by choice, sometimes by circumstance. Connection can be in friendships, community, work relationships, family, pets and animals. The depression can make it tough, to really feel fulfilled, but being with another won't fill that empty little space. Whether I am in a relationship or not, I strive to maintain a true connection to the planet in some small way. I have found that mentoring can really fuel that connection - I have someone in my life that is going through some personal issues, that looks to me for guidance and support sometimes, and that makes me feel very connected...sharing my own strengths with someone much younger that is facing issues that I faced earlier in my life. I am also slowly building my network and becoming more involved in my community (on a good day).

Take care,

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 21

Do I talk to my employer?

I am currently experiencing a bout of depression that is impacting my work. I am trying to power through, but I am ineffective at work and its a real struggle. I have taken a couple sick days, as the depression has physically worn me down and I have been physically ill, but outside of that I really have been trying to turn this around and have been coming to work each day - some days are ok, and some (like today) I am pretty useless.

I am not sure at this point whether I need a day or two, a week or two, or whether I just need to suck it up a keep working my way through this. At what point do I need to discuss this with my employer?

I feel like perhaps I should discuss with my supervisor. I work with two others in the same office and they know I am not very effective right now - I would hate for this to come back and bite me somehow.

Any advice?

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 21

Just introducing myself

Thanks for being here again Tiana. Not much makes sense to me right now. I had a great day yesterday, and really tried to use that positive energy in to today, but I have been useless at work. I'm tired, sore, even my vision seems affected (weak). I read through all of the first session, but really not much of it stuck/or struck a cord because I wasn't REALLY reading it, just grasping for an answer, a start, something positive to give me strength.

I do know that this could still be my quit. For the most part I think the quit is going well, craves are bad when I spend any amount of time with smokers but outside of that I really don't find myself struggling much with it - though I don't know myself as a ex-smoker, and am sure that contributes to the lost feeling. The idea of dealing with smoking and depression at once seems too much, in the beginning, I tried to peg it all on the quit, now I want to peg it all on the depression.

I wrote in another area here tonight, about work - decision making is another great one for someone experiencing depression, and I really can't seem to decide if I can push through this, or if I legitimately need time off.

I think posting is my energy effective way of coping right now, so thank you again for listening.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 21

Making Changes

In talking about change, I believe it is fear of success, just as much of fear of failure that prevents one from taking a step. Rather than look at all the changes I want to make (overwhelming!), I have been trying to focus on being proactive, rather than reactive in daily situations and in my self care. It's a lifestyle change that I think will benefit so many simple area's of life - eating heathier, not smoking, exercising, and eventually it will impact relationships, my work, and the larger decisions I may have to make down the road.

Thank you for this topic Tiana. I have been back and forth in my head as to why I should or shouldn't see my doctor -doctors are an anxiety trigger for me. But in writing this responds, my own want to be proactive in my life dictates that I need to see my doctor to take proper care of myself right now.

Wellandhappy, I think it takes great strength to live in a foreign country.

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