Gosh, I've had issues for a long time. Doc put me on Zoloft about 7 years ago. I forget what the dosing was. After my counselor referred me for possible depression. I felt better for awhile and stopped taking it after about 6 months. I began having problems again and then after being scolded by Doc I went back on for about 2 years. I had some medical issues then too, like numerous blod clots & pneumonia. Then I lost my job & couldn't afford counseling, doctor, or Zoloft any more.
I can't remember what happened, but something did & Doc had me take Lexapro. I started on 20mg, then Doc thought it was too much & changed to 10mg, then I had some problems and he told me to take 30mg. At some point I was taking Wellbutrin too, but I don't remember how much or how long.
Then I started having financial difficulty & couldn't afford the $40 copay for Lexapro, so I'd run out and then have to wait a few weeks before getting refilled. Also, I was taking Ambien because I couldn't sleep and sometimes I'd run out of both at the same time. Those times were really bad too & Doc kept lecturing me about getting off the meds, but to no avail I tried to explain to him that if I have zero money, credit, etc., doesn't seem like it's avoidable.
Last time I saw him I told him that I'm not taking the Lexapro any more because the periods between refills were just intolerable and bordering on out of control. Now I am on generic Prozac that is on Walmart's $4 list. He gave me Buspar which is also on the Walmart $4 list. That's supposed to help the crying spells and the meltdowns where I overreact. The Ambien is generic now, so it's only $20, so when I can get it, I've been sleeping better more often.
I'm afraid to tell anyone the kinds of problems I'm having because I know what they will think.
My doctor told me not to let my wife know what medicine I'm taking because he thinks she'll try to use it against me. It's hard to keep her from finding out though and she mocks me all the time for taking medicine. When I went to counseling she always would tell me what kind of loser I am since I had to pay someone to talk to me.
Other than that, I try to keep it all to myself, but I think my boss thinks that I have some issues.
Actually, you are way ahead of me. I printed these things out & I understand how to record the activity. I even grasp the concept of the 0-100 rating for two moods. Mood 1 is depression (no brainer) but what about mood 2? Unfortunately I have more than 2 problematic moods during the day and sometimes even at the same time. I feel stuck and I am not sure that I can do anything until I get this mood 2 issue resolved.
I started the CBT today. I was very upset after doing the tests at the beginning. I actually read it all and I felt pretty good about that. I was going to do the activity schedule thing, but I have too many moods and there's only space for two of them. I suppose I could make a little chart in Excel. That would give me enough space and I could store it on disk instead of leaving it on my desk where everyone can read it. The problem with that is I'd forget about it or if I left it open on my computer, I wouldn't have enough memory to run my other programs and then my computer would just lock up. I am not sure.
I don't really like my doctor either. I've been seeing him for over 20 years though, so at least I know him. When I think about changing I can't help but wonder if my new doctor would be worse and after going to all that trouble I'd just have to go back and maybe my doc isn't accepting new patients and then I would have nowhere to go. Plus he'd probably get angry with me too and I'd have to wait twice as long.
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