I am alcoholic
It does Dave!
And I do thank you for your reply. The way to say "I am an alcoholic" is dry because I made this statement a while ago. Actually I am known for being someone very good at cooking, gathering, hosting people and "enjoy life" (in people mind). There is hardly one picture of me on my facebook where I am not with a glass of wine!
I was thinking before "well you drink too much but thanks God you never affect your work by drinking and you don't drink too much by working a lot!"
things changed three years ago when I broke up with my boyfriend. Instead of going out with others to drink I was staying at home to drink. I reached the point that the only energy I had on my days off was just enough to take the dog out and buy wine.
How ridiculous: I was drinking to feel better! I was poisoning myself and one day I realized that it could end up very badly. I had enough to be so depressed. It was not me. I had lost all my energy, my social skills, my ambitions.
I have stopped. Within 3 months I was back to life. I never want to go through this kind of fog again.
One day at work (I am a nurse!!!) we had champagne for a special event. I had some and while I was expecting a firework in my mind and my body nothing happened.
Slowly but surely I went back to alcohol.
I have been watching me compare to the others during parties when we drink. While my friends are having their glasses quietly I will just neck mine without even realizing I had 3 while they were still drinking their first one.
During a party I am always thinking "Sh...! We might be short". So I will always reorder bottles. I share it with everyone but the real purpose is I don't wanna miss wine.
If I travel somewhere, in a muslim country for example. I am gonna be obsessed by "where are we gonna be able to get drinks".
Well one of my very good friend told me once. "I do appreciate a good wine but I never have to think about
-What's your daily amount of drinks
-Is there any alcohol at the cafe where we are about to go
-We need to find someone to take us there because of course we won't be able to drive back if there is alcohol"
She is not alcoholic. I am.
I cut down a lot. I am a quiet happy single man! I have a GREAT psychotherapist. She asked me to set goals, and it is hard for me to think you will never drink again. One of our best social and relaxing moment in France is called 'Aperitif'. Basically from 6 to 8 - 9 pm if someone is passing by your place you do have to propose wine and appetizers. And when a group is on holiday (coming soon ... ... ...) that is when everyone is gonna melt and tell what we have done... I will miss that. And being a binch drinker (it became really less than it was) I will also miss being high.
I have heard someone I know (but we are not closed), "no thanks I have stopped drinking and since I feel 1 meter above the ground!". I do hope and dream I will say it one day. For now probably because I am hardly setting my goals, My thoughts are a lot about 'drinking or not drinking'.
I might go back to AA meetings ... it will remind me "ONE DAY AT A TIME".
Thank you in advance for reading me... I am sure it can be very boring!
Best Regards