Hi. I care about you.
I have been having similar feelings lately. It's been made really bad with Covid.
One thing I've noticed is that all it takes is one little negative thing in my day to confirm all of my suspicions that I'm a terrible friend, employee, and person.
Anyways, I hope today went a little better.
Hey all,
I have been really struggling lately. Last year I had a head injury that I never properly rested from. I think I am "better" now but I feel like a part of me has fundamentally changed.
I am in an entry level job in a fairly demanding field with no job security right now. I feel like when I started my job I wasn't fully recovered from my injury and I started everything off on the wrong foot. In the office I feel like a social pariah. No one has any interest in helping me or getting to know me. I am not sure what happened or what I did wrong. I think I'm reading too much into things but then little things happen which I know don't seem right.
I don't think I've been happy or anxiety free for the last 15 years of my life. I am taking Mirtazipine which has stopped the panic attacks but it hasn't lowered my feelings of general anxiety or depression. I've been on and off medications since I was 13.
I am just so tired of all of these internal struggles. Getting up every day is hard. Everything I do feels hard. Right now I'm still doing everything I'm supposed to but I'm just losing it. I'm so sick of feeling this way and I'm losing hope that there is an end in sight. What's the point in going on if most of my experience here is going to be painful. Why can't my mind let me be happy. I feel so trapped.
