On 24th October, I was at a dinner. We were offered cigars, at the end. I took it. I had drunk a lot of wine, it felt appropriate. I smoked one puff. I immediately put it off. Then, confusing feelings flooded me. Mainly disappointment and lack of confidence. I thought it all finished there. I was on my 10th smoke free day. If I told myself it was over, then it would be over; I would smoke again. If I told myself not to give great value to the incident, then I could do it again. So?
I realised that I am a permanently addicted person. One puff brings all the psychological additction to the initial level. Therefore, the lesson is: NOPE. If something is bad and not needed, then its not needed. Period. Full stop.
Quitting is a journey. I had an accident on the journey that almost took me off road. I learned something. This is it. I learned something. I learned that if I want to smoke, let me smoke all the way. But I do not. Let me just remember how I felt as a smoker. Therefore I HAVE TO ACCEPT THE REALITY. I have to give it up all the way. No compromises. This is a reality I must come into terms with. Even if it sound like giving up something of value, let it be this way. The reality is that it feels like that, but it is not. I give up nothing of value. I give up poisoning. Smoking a cigar is like death penalty. Not smoking a cigar for ever, is being free, clean, confident, proud, empowered, for ever.
I stopped more than 7 weeks ago. The original withdrawl symptoms are gone now but certain symptoms that I did not think I would have are now present: I am afraid I have an attention deficit disorder. I can not focus. I forget. I can not concentrate. I can not read or follow a conversation for more than a while. I am nervous at the same time, overwhelmed with tasks I have to complete, but I find it extremely difficult to concentrate and work on one at a time. Any advise? Is it something that will pass? Please help!
Yesterday, I completed two months as a NON smoker. This is a message to all people who are striving to get there. I made it! You all can make it. Continue working on it. As the StopSmokingCenter says, see it as a trip. And do not stop working on it. Do this, do that, whatever it works for you. But carry on working on it. Without realising, the habit goes and new habits, more healthy and positive ones, take its place. Wishing you all the best
61 days smoke free. 915 cigarillos not smoked!!!!! I am so happy!
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