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Helping another


18 days ago 0 1561 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Ashley -> Health Educator @ Nov 16, 2022, 4:00:00 PM
Bump!
How would you support someone who was quitting drinking or thinking of quitting drinking?

Educating the person who is sincerely wanting to quit is key. If he is an alcoholic and willing to try the AA way of overcoming the obsession, I usually sit with them at a coffee shop and go over the material I put together. Its got a great visual to illustrate the vicious cycle of alcoholism and drug addiction. Anyone can access it: https://tinyurl.com/firststepAA

Once he/she is convinced that this way will work I will help them with the reminder of the steps.


20 days ago 0 11110 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0

Bump!

How would you support someone who was quitting drinking or thinking of quitting drinking?

8 years ago 0 77 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Thank you Signe, I found that when I was drinking I was such a selfish person. My only focus in life was to organise drinking, when I could have my next drink, where, how much and how to control it so I could get to work the next day (which of course never happened). I was completely 100% driven and thought of nothing or no one else. I didn't even recognize myself anymore, physically or mentally. The negative voices never stopped telling me what an awful person I was which of course made me want to drink even more. 
Since I stopped (45 days ago, in case I haven't mentioned it ) I have become 'me' again. I thought I was lost forever but that is the nasty trick that booze plays on you. I thought I was lost forever and would never find a way back. I was so blessed to be surrounded by a loving, forgiving family and friends who never gave up praying and supporting me even when I was pushing them all away. They never gave up on me. I don't know if I would have bothered to quit again after so many failures if I had not had that love and kindness. There is nothing more important to me than my sobriety and if I can help others else than maybe it goes a little way in repayment for all the ways I have hurt others.
 
I will never give up on this person, no matter what, but I never want to over step the boundaries or be considerred 'holier than thou' or 'preachy'.  As you say, I will offer my company and support but gently.
God bless
xxx
8 years ago 0 25 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi! There is a lovely childrens book were this old farmer who is not very good looking after himself, is given a kitten by his even older neighbourly lady,stating that "the best way to look after yourself, is to care for someone else". It is difficult to advice in this matter as we are all so different. I would have been terrified by someone approaching me, but at the same time I also think I was desperately longing for another person to care just a little bit, to suggest adult company, a walk, a lunch...anything... I truly think we all need a helping and caring hand every now and then. We might reject it at first, but we certainly all have a need of support. Thread carefully but dont feel embarassed at all offering your company and your support.... It is lovely of you to care so much for others, when your own life is troubled. Fair play!
8 years ago 0 77 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Thank you Dave, great suggestions. I have given them the link to this website but not the depression centre. I also gave them the link to rational recovery. The thing that is really hard for this person is that they have been working in the health care industry and ambulance and have seen some pretty horrible things. I am going to read your post about PTSD again, I think it is very relevant in this instance. When I was withdrawing I would have the most awful visions, hear voices, etc. I can only imagine that based on the things this person has seen and experienced, things that are already imprinted on their mind, it must be so much worse.
 
I didn't have a great week end but I'm so much better off for not drinking, although Sunday night if someone put one in my hand, I might not have had the strength to pour it out.
God bless
xxx
8 years ago 0 1009 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Wendy,

First off, the fact she has someone who cares about her as much as you will help immensely. Has she taken steps to deal with her depression? If she gets help with that I would suspect it will go a long way to helping her back off the drinking. It's very difficult to solve 2 huge problems simultaneously, especially when one feeds the other and vice versa. Drinking will only make the other worse. Perhaps she will be more open to accepting help with the depression and then work into the drinking. She'll likely feel less threatened because no one likes depression but she may resist giving up the drinking because gets the benefit of relief from. Divide and conquer.

Perhaps coming here might help? The Depression.net under " More Help" in the menu is a good resource. Also, I found a site called Psych Central (http://psychcentral.com/) that may help. The forums cover pretty much any topic and it's very supportive too. 

She's lucky to have someone like yourself looking out for her. Great work (especially on the great job you're doing at 45 days AF. Well done!).
8 years ago 0 77 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
What would have helped you from a friend when you were drinking? Truthfully, nothing anyone said or did helped me. I isolated so that I could self destruct in peace. I didn't want to talk to anyone who would try to stop me or talk me out of taking a drink. Once I made the decision there was no power on earth that could stop me. I don't know if everyone is that way, I mean, it seems some people can phone a friend or their AA sponsor and they are ok, I just could never do that. I had to make the decision, I had to have the determination to do it on my own. What if this person can't find the strength?
8 years ago 0 11110 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Wendy,

Your friend is very lucky to have you. From what I am hearing you are doing all the right things. What would have helped you from a friend when you were drinking? Other then thinking about that question I think there is not much more you can do.

As I am sure you know this person will not change until they are ready to change. You can offer support and be there for them to talk to but other then that there isn't much that is in your power to do. If you try to be tough they likely will react with denial or ambivalence. If you are soft you might enable them. Do what you feel is right and what you think would have helped you when you were struggling.
 
Just being someone to listen is more then enough Wendy.
 

Ashley, Health Educator
8 years ago 0 77 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Thank you for replying Andy, I appreciate your support and helpful advise. You remind me that nothing is more important than my recovery. I will continue to support my friend but understand that ultimately it is their choice and their own determination that makes it work. I know that I had to nearly loose it all, and have heard stories from people who have lost it all, before they found the strength to fight off the beast. Well done to you as well for your achievement. Thank you. God Bless
8 years ago 0 15 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Wendy, 
I feel the compassion and caring that you have from reading through several of your posts to be me and others.
This is a difficult situation that you are in, because your are early on in your recovery too, I can't even imagine how difficult it is to watch someone clearly close to you fight the same battle that you have been consciously fighting (and winning for that matter) over the past two months.
Two quick points:
We can support and comfort our fellows, give them advise, share our own stories of recovery. But we can't own another persons recovery. It is an individuals own choice to recognize they have a problem and start their own recovery. I reflected on this last evening, when I thought about being in the crisis center of the local hospital 2 years ago after an afternoon of drinking. Even at that point I was not ready to admit that I had a problem and find help, and no matter what anybody said to me Doctors included I would get defensive. I see similar things in the program I am working right now, you can tell the difference between people that are there on their own and people that are being forced to be there by family, the legal system or some other reason.
 
The second is that we need to accept there are things that we cannot change ourselves, and as an addict I find that I often think about those things, and loose my self in the thoughts of those things. Sure enough that is normally enough to trigger a sense of helplessness and ultimately lead me back to the drink. 
 
Support your friend, but don't loose sight of your own recovery. 

 


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