Hello. Today is my day one. I am a 33 year old female. I am a wife. I am a mom of 3 kids (boy, 8; boy, 7; girl, 2). I am a nurse. I am an addict. Alcohol has never been my friend. I have always had social anxiety and quickly learned when I was young that alcohol "helped me" in social situations. I would drink to ease my nerves, and I wouldn't stop. I would black out often and my "friends" encouraged my drinking because it was entertaining for them. When I got pregnant with my first son I stopped going out for the most part and pretty much successfully stopped drinking for several years. After I had my daughter (2015), my depression was at an all-time high. I met a girl at work and we started going out together. Within the past couple of years my drinking has spiraled out of control. I also started smoking marijuana and snorting coke socially. I probably have done other things I do not recall.
My drug use has slowly and steadily increased and has become a problem as well. I crawled into the house this morning around 5 am after a night of binge drinking and drug use and my husband was waiting for me. He confronted me and I broke down and told him about my drinking and drug use. This is the first time I have admitted it, and I saw the shock, disgust, and disappointment in his face. He wanted me to leave but I didn't have anywhere safe to go. We talked about a lot, and I admitted a lot of disturbing things. For now he is willing to help me, but I don't know what that means for our relationship and our future. I am trying not to focus on that because I need to get clean for me and my kids need their Mom back. This is my day one and I am so incredibly scared, but hopeful.
