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new nondrinker with a challenge

7 years ago 0 +0 / -0 286

Maybe this is more about him than you. The celebrations and romantic dinners are possible with out alcohol, although our culture tells us otherwise. You are much more present and engaged if you are sober. Although you can't change him, you can change your behaviour for your own sake.

7 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2

He is unwilling to do any of those things and has shamed me for not drinking in the past. He says it affects celebrations, romantic dinners and his ability to have fun with me

7 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11215

Welcome!

Congratulations on deciding on a goal. That in itself is a huge achievement! The fact that your husband is not stopping drinking with you does make it more challenging. He can still support you even though he chooses to drink though. How would you like him to support you? What is he willing to do for you? Communicate to him that you need his support and this is important to you; but, also reassure him that it is his choice whether he drinks or not. Perhaps you both can agree to lock up the alcohol? Or perhaps only keep alcohol you do not like in the house? What do you think might work?

Try not to be too discouraged that he wants to continue to drink. Lead by example. He may change his mind. But remember the more you push the more likely he will get defensive instead of looking at his own drinking. You can continue to talk to him about it and share your concerns, ask him questions about how he thinks drinking is impacting his life. Just avoid pushing him to stop drinking as this is almost always counter productive.

If all else fails remember we will be here to support you every step of the way.

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

7 years ago 0 +0 / -0 5

I quit drinking with no alcohol in the house for the first 2 weeks. After a couple weeks my son brought beer for himself but I asked him and made sure he kept it in a cooler in his room and not to drink in front of me. I am now alcohol free for about 4 weeks now and I love it! Best decision I ever made for my health and life! When you have another drinker in the house it makes it so tuff but it will be so worth it! Take it one day at a time and best thing and advise don't let a drop touch your lips or give into drinking. It gets easier and better each day goes by.

7 years ago 0 +0 / -0 286

Welcome Youknowwho!

My husband is a normal drinker and he continued to drink while I could not moderate so decided to quit completely. We did not empty our house of alcohol. We still had wine but not in plain view or unopened. I did ask him not to drink in front of me for a while and I did ask for his support as I tried to quit. Alcohol had become an issue for me and this was something that we both realized so he was supportive. He definitely cut down on his drinking as a result of me quitting. Previously we would often have a bottle of wine with dinner but not anymore. He agreed not to drink wine on front of me at the beginning; wine was my drink of preference. He would have a rum and coke some nights but that didn't bother me. I made quitting drinking my priority and did everything to make sure that happened.

7 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1562

Welcome to the forum YooKwho, fortunately for me my wife took a oath she will never touch alcohol again, first of all she never was "a drinker". But I have heard horror stories in AA. Husband or wife comes in and the significant other keeps drinking. I know a woman who picked up her 10 year madalion and the husband was just little over 2 years. I asked him how it was before he came in. He said, his wife would just leave him alone and mind her own sobriety. She is such an inspiration to me when I see her, I could see the glow on her face, so liberated.

I am reminded of the serenity prayer.

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference"

7 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2

Hello

My goal is to quit drinking completely. My partner who lives with me is not terribly supportive of this. He said that if I don't want to drink - that is my issue to deal with and he is not changing his drinking habits because of it. He is not willing to empty the house of alcohol to support me. This will make my challenge greater for sure. Any advice how to handle this?

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