Get the Support You Need

Learn from thousands of users who have made their way through our courses. Need help getting started? Watch this short video.

today's top discussions:

logo

Fibre

Ashley -> Health Educator

2024-05-06 9:05 PM

Healthy Weight Community

logo

Challenging Worry

Ashley -> Health Educator

2024-04-20 11:42 PM

Depression Community

logo

Hello

Linda Q

2024-04-11 5:06 AM

Anxiety Community

This Month’s Leaders:

Most Supportive

Browse through 411.750 posts in 47.055 threads.

160,535 Members

Please welcome our newest members: BXAMUELLE CHRISTIEN, Heinz57, eggmegrolf, PearlCat19, mima

Need to learn a new coping mechanism. Any advice?


17 years ago 0 591 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Thoughts are the things that make up the story that we tell ourselves about who we are and what we are doing. Words are the representation of thoughts that we use to tell ourselves and others about who we are and what we are doing...Words are in effect the periodical table of our minds...So just as a chemist is very careful about the elements that he joins together, lest he or she cause an explosion or some other disaster, we too must choose our words with the greatest of care. Words do indeed cause actions that manifest change in the physical world. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 1/1/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 70 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 3,515 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $332.5 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 9 [B]Hrs:[/B] 16 [B]Mins:[/B] 9 [B]Seconds:[/B] 9
17 years ago 0 591 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Serenity... 1ST "THROW THE DOG A BONE (or a Hot Dog and shut him up!)" now...your question...what is your new behavior to be? There is no cloud of smoke to use as a shield of defense or constrain your thoughts. Let people know in WORDS...(not thoughts) how you feel. You speak to them directly. It will clear your conscience and lighten the burden on your heart. Ask them exactly...what you want to know (don't be afraid to do this). ;) [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 1/1/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 70 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 3,515 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $332.5 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 9 [B]Hrs:[/B] 16 [B]Mins:[/B] 8 [B]Seconds:[/B] 38
17 years ago 0 591 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Discussion Topic: Handling Emotions without Smoking [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 1/1/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 70 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 3,517 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $332.5 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 9 [B]Hrs:[/B] 16 [B]Mins:[/B] 16 [B]Seconds:[/B] 15
17 years ago 0 1006 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Serenity, Quitting is a complicated business, isn't it? I'm sure these issues that are making you angry, would have made you angry as a smoker, too, wouldn't they? They certainly sound like things which would bother me, too... Perhaps the extent of your anger is worrying you, since the reactions you're having may be magnified since you are still adjusting to your new, smoke-free life. I can say that I still feel myself blowing a fuse quite quickly, quicker than I would have done as a smoker, even now 200+ days on. But, it is not as dramatic as it was around the 100 day mark, as you are. So, you will feel much better as time goes by, I assure you. We used to smoke when things upset us, didn't we? We would put these chemicals, stimulants, in to our bodies, which would boost our mood, or cloud over the reality of what was upsetting us - temporarily, that is. We would still have to deal with the causes of these things, in reality, smoking or not smoking has not changed other people's behaviour around us. Anyway - my point is....(getting there slowly!!) We need to re-adjust, we need to allow time for our bodies and minds to re-adjust to the fact that we're not pumping stimulants into ourselves whenever we feel upset. I think this adjustment will happen naturally, over time, but we need to give this time for us to get used to not having the nicotine/stimulant/quick fix. In the meantime, try not to allow your mind to dwell on the negative. I know this is near impossible sometimes, but try your best for now to keep your mind happy. It's only for the short term. My best wishes to you, Deli [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 8/1/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 223 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 3,350 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] �669 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 18 [B]Hrs:[/B] 18 [B]Mins:[/B] 54 [B]Seconds:[/B] 35
17 years ago 0 3908 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Serenity Keep active ! Get outside! Keep busy! Phil x [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 8/8/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 216 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 4,542 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] �1134 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 43 [B]Hrs:[/B] 6 [B]Mins:[/B] 16 [B]Seconds:[/B] 22
17 years ago 0 243 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
I think I could officially be deemed a "grumpy old woman" at 46. (if you live in the UK, you will know all about the "Grumpy Old men/grumpy old women" TV programmes!) People piss me off. Quite a few of them and in a seriously surreal number of ways. I do realise I am a control freak and if people don't behave they way I want them to or think they should - it BUGS me. I mean REALLY bugs me. (I don't mean EVERYbody. I mean people that are close to me. When they don't meet my expectations kind of thing!) So, right now, I am going over, and over, and OVER in my head, all the ways that I think my ex partner is wrong in what HE thinks his contribution to our split was. It annoys me that he just doesn't see some of the things/ways he behaved that were quite dreadful. And it annoys me because MY (and as a result my children's) life has changed in serious ways following the breakdown, whereas his, has stayed pretty much the same. So, my question is (and this is just one example) instead of sitting chain smoking as I would normally have done while raging internally, WHAT is my "new" non smoking behaviour meant to be????? I know I'll hear the suggestion that I should be more laid back, that I should just let it go type thing. problem is, I CAN'T. lol - how do I?????? Because all I can think of is seriously blasting him between the eyeballs. (And also the neighbour whose dog woke me at 6am - AGAIN - and is still barking off and on and will be ALL day!!!!! I just get SO angry that my feelings do not count. Aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrgggggghhhhh.) S PS I had a work man in my house yesterday while I was out. When I got back home - he had left his cigs behind. And I am also angry at how easily I could have had one of those smokes. And I didn't even have a craving. Didn't want one. But saw that packet and instantly could see myself doing the whole ritual - opening the packet (which I did) reaching for one and taking it out (which I also did) and smoking it (which I didn't - I put it back.) [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 12/10/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 92 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 3,229 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] �552 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 9 [B]Hrs:[/B] 11 [B]Mins:[/B] 47 [B]Seconds:[/B] 21
17 years ago 0 243 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Oh Rusty. "Stop that tape! Quit telling yourself the story that other people are at fault for everything that you feel. Take a deep breath and take responsibility for your own thoughts and emotions. That's what maturity brings us...self control and self responsibility. And that's one of the things that quitting smoking brings us...the strength to see ourselves becoming stronger." I have had a real self-pity come Mrs Angry day. (And that dog is still barking outside!) I'm a single mum. Everything is down to me. There is nobody else. I am ALWAYS seen as "strong", "mature", a "coper". Right now, I am NOT coping. I have a house that needs doing from top to bottom. Things that need fixing that I can't fix - and can't afford to pay for ALL of them to get done. 2 kids whose dad does damn all for them (and who I resent more than I can tell you, because he "gets off" with being a parent whereas I never do - oh woe is me). The toliet is blocked and I just shouted at my very lovely, totally undemanding and totally un-deserving of her mother's freak out, daughter. There IS nobody to help, nobody to kick ass but me, nobody to remind me of why I am doing this. But you guys have. And Rusty - your words hurt but I take them to heart. Thanks for the tough stuff. I'm away to claw back some credibility with my daughter, to make some kind of amends to her and ......... to try to figure out how to deal with this bad day without reaching for smokes. I seriously think you just stopped me from falling. And I thank you. S [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 12/10/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 92 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 3,240 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] �552 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 9 [B]Hrs:[/B] 12 [B]Mins:[/B] 33 [B]Seconds:[/B] 52
17 years ago 0 1306 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
I'm with Rusty. Stop the tape...and...the reactions to the tape. I have suffered with anger for a very long time, and it wasn't until I started researching the practice of 'mindfulness' that I learned that my reactions to things were automatic. I didn't even think about them...and they didn't match the situation....over reaction!!!! Since I quit smoking, I am a different person (as far as the anger goes) and I have learned to STOP, and THINK, before I react. Has made a big difference in my life. (My husband is still waiting for the mad devil to return.) Ease up a bit...especially on yourself. Maybe everything doesn't have to be so hard? [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 1/10/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 61 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 1,233 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $701.5 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 6 [B]Hrs:[/B] 4 [B]Mins:[/B] 3 [B]Seconds:[/B] 43
  • Quit Meter

    $330,401.40

    Amount Saved

  • Quit Meter

    Days: 6026 Hours: 21

    Minutes: 14 Seconds: 16

    Life Gained

  • Quit Meter

    45416

    Smoke Free Days

  • Quit Meter

    681,240

    Cigarettes Not Smoked

17 years ago 0 2462 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
auntdeb was correct to quote (I believe it was nonic?) another post that talked about how your thoughts become things and as we let our thoughts run wildly, they then affect our actions. You talk about being a control freak and yet you are letting that tape go around and around in your head...it is controlling you! Stop that tape! Quit telling yourself the story that other people are at fault for everything that you feel. Take a deep breath and take responsibility for your own thoughts and emotions. That's what maturity brings us...self control and self responsibility. And that's one of the things that quitting smoking brings us...the strength to see ourselves becoming stronger. Rusty :) [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 12/13/2004 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 819 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 22,947 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $2866.5 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 114 [B]Hrs:[/B] 0 [B]Mins:[/B] 37 [B]Seconds:[/B] 54
  • Quit Meter

    $54,828.80

    Amount Saved

  • Quit Meter

    Days: 647 Hours: 13

    Minutes: 7 Seconds: 41

    Life Gained

  • Quit Meter

    5272

    Smoke Free Days

  • Quit Meter

    210,880

    Cigarettes Not Smoked


Reading this thread: