Hi. Wish we could be meeting under other circumstances. I know you are hurting in some way, I am too. I am a 41 year old woman, married with 4 children ages 5-12 (3 older boys, 1 girl). I am an evangelical Christian. I have a wonderful mom and dad and sister... my father and sister both deal with depression/anxiety. The first time I went down with panic was in winter 2012. I had no idea what was wrong. I thought I had cancer because of the nausea and diarrhea and subsequent weight loss. I am about 5'5" and I usually weigh in at about 135#, but when I want down back then I dropped 20# in about 4-5 week. Not the weight loss plan I would recommend. Got a couple of tests run and ruled out cancer which left only mental illness. I resisted meds for a while, but when I could not stop waking each morning at about 3:30-4 a.m. to rolling panic attacks and things were simply not improving, I started on sertraline. When I hit 50 mg (about 1 month into taking the meds) I stopped vomiting every morning and was able to begin healing up a devastated body and mind and soul. That has been 4 years ago and I have been on the meds every since. Same dosage. It does not completely eliminate my panic - I do not want something to do that because, as hellish (and it *is* hell) as it is to experience this nightmare - but I have only had 1 other lengthy bout and it was only a week. I can say "only week" now... because it was about 18 months ago and time has snapped back into a reasonable shape. I have been in this current episode since Saturday and MY GOD! WILL IT EVER END!!??! I did increase my dosage of sertraline to 75 mg last night... and I am feeling a bit better at the moment, but both in the good and in the bad we can only live one minute and one breath... but man, does my brain want to imagine catastrophe. At least this time around I feel confident I am not dying, I just sort of which I would since the symptoms and the terror are so very intense. Previously I have had my panic turn me into a serious hypochondriac - you name it, I am have been sure it was there.
So, I want to connect here... both to hear from others who can say, with certainty, "Shaking SUCKS! It makes me feel so weak!" and other things only Panic Heroes would know... and I want to walk with those same folks. We are not going to be able to do this if we think we are alone - and this illness makes us want to believe that... that we are isolated from the world... but we are not. I am here. Standing in the valley for now... looking for the light and continuing to walk. Take my hand?
