Hello. I am just beginning the program. I suffer from social and performance anxiety. I have experienced these problems for 20 years. They never go away completely, but some times are better and others worse. Having stability, meaningful work and a few well liked aquaintences helps (I've given up on having real personal friendships, even at the best of times.) It's unfortunate because I actually like people a great deal, and when I am not feeling fearful I am easy to entertain and please. I'm not disdainful, I'm just afraid. At my worst I feel anxiety about and avoid everyday, necessary tasks like checking my e-mail and social media, making phone calls, ordering food, shopping, paying bills, returning library books, watering my patio garden, going to work, and even leaving the house at all. During bad times it's not uncommon for me to have panic attacks and feel like something is badly wrong with my physical health. I also get depressed during periods when my anxiety is bad, although it's really incidental; I'm always anxious, I'm not always depressed . When it is bad, as it is right now, doing truly important and impactful things like finishing my degree, asking for references, networking, or going on a job interview feel impossible. It is worse because my loved ones are counting on me to do these things, I badly want to be an asset to my family, not a burden. I am a cynic about curing my condition because it feels like the only reliable constant. It's almost always been. But I will try be hopeful as I begin this program. My goal is not to be the life of the metaphorical party, but maybe to go to it, chat with a few people, and come back feeling pretty good.
