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HOW I HELPED MYSELF

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 86

Wow. Now I remember why I read this forum.

You people have such insight. I think that each one of us is different and have different triggers and have different coping skills, but each of us "gets" what the others are going through. What a great support system.

Thanks to everyone for opening up and sharing your thoughts because panic disorder is not an easy thing to talk about (as I'm sure many of us have discovered when trying to explain it to someone who hasn't gone through it!)

At least we know that we're not alone, not "weird" and that there is hope for finding management for all of this. It takes hard work, time, and commitment, but it's attainable.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 122

Hi Oskiow,

just wanted to know that I enjoyed reading your post. It had some good info in it,

thanks for writing, and welcome to the forums.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 24

Dear Oskiew and Everyone Else,

I completely know where you are coming from and support you 100% (not that everyone else doesn't). What I'm trying to say is that I agree with you. Panic attacks hit me with no warning. Of course in hindsight, I see all the signs. My point is, I am with you when it comes to thinking about alternative methods besides meds.

Speaking so quickly after a major panic attack last week may come back to bite me, but I know that after realizing my dependence on the meds prescribed to me, I wanted a change. This week I threw all of my meds down the toilet except for a four Ativan (to get me by until I see the doc on Tues) and Effexor XR. My doctor had also given me Klonepen and Seroquel, which I threw out. My anxiety keeps me up at night as well.

The problem that I have with all of these meds is that I remember being active, eating well, only sleeping an average of 4-6 hrs a night and I was very healthy, alert, and kept up with all activities in my life and not to metion I was VERY HAPPY. Since I started the meds, I sleep 8-10 hrs plus, stayed mellow through the day. I started noticing that I wasn't developing coping skills for the "new norm" of my life.

The fact is, people go through stages and constant changes in their life. Meds are good to get you through, if absolutely necessary. This is where the doctor fits in. However, I believe I know my body better than anyone else. I need to develop skills as I go. I would never completely stop taking a prescribed medicine without consulting a physician, which is why I am seeing my doctor before I'm completely out of meds. But, I know my body produces endorphines, but I have to also help activate them. That's where self help comes in. As for supplements, I'd rather go that route since they're less addictive, but again I know a physician HAS to be involved in this decision. Good physicians are always on the side of natural healing unless they see otherwise.

I believe people need to be more aware of what their body is capable of doing for them and what we eat has a huge impact on how we feel. I'm certainly not cured, but I certainly know what my goals are and I also want to encourage healthy living without meds. Whether people are on meds or not, self help such as exercise and healthy eating does have a drastic effect on the way we feel.

Good job for trying natural alternatives. However, I agree with Ashley, consulting a physician is definately something we HAVE to do before making ANY drastic changes. I've been working with physicians for the past 15 years. I haven't met one who thinks exercise (whatever it might be) would go against a good diet and exercise.

I think your doing a fantastic job. You inspire me. :O)

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Red

I think I see what you mean. I wish you had some good memories to replace the pain. Sorry about the choppers. I was a fire fighter so I got to jump in and out of them. I loved it but then no one was trying to kill me. My dad was in the bombers in world war two. It changed him. I study every thing on that war because he wouldn't talk about it and I want to know what he went through. It was hell on earth and I can't imagine it.

Yes, they are your demons and if you don't want to talk about them I understand but if it helps to talk it out then please do.

That is what the forums are for.

I love the picture. If you have the time could you tell us a bit about it?

Davit.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 420

Davit,

I was not in Saigon literally. I took care of my husband who was there for 3 tours and I experienced his fear while taking care of him by myself 24 hrs a day it is kind of like transference. You take care of this persons every need you touch them and you feel what they feel, you look at them and see their fear. They tell you about what happened in war, they are later scared to death when a chopper flies over head at night and you are also scared you are scared for them and for yourself. They are still in Saigon and so are you. There are never any happy or funny memories about helicopters or combat. It is just to hard for me explain you had to be there and I am so glad you were not. I do not want to take you there. These are my demons to face not yours or anybody elses.

Anyway on a happier note I have been replacing the bad pictures memories in my mind with beautiful pictures and memories. My partner takes these pictures for me my while we are out on our trips. You were talking about the pink sunrise today. Your might like to take look at my new picture of a sunrise I posted. This is one of my beautiful memories and pictures I now have in my mind. I wanted to share this picture with everyone. This is my form of mediation. I hope you enjoy it and find some peace in this sunset.

Doing the best I can

Red

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Hello Red

You have had a tough life for sure. Some of these triggers are going to be hard to deal with, some may be impossible. It depends on what you can replace or dilute them with. I find it fascinating that you were in Saigon. Can you remember any real good times? How about scary times you got to laugh about after? How about pleasant times you can associate with a helicopter? I know this is asking a lot but do you see how it works. It is my war of attrition thing. If your good memories out number your bad then the bad will slowly fade. And the more good ones the quicker the bad fade.

Now you know that what ever goes in your head stays in your head and can come back at any time and often does at the wrong time.

It is like the cache in an expensive computer. It sorts the information into folders with the most often used at the front and the least in the back. The difference is that you can't delete the memories in your brain but the brain is lazy so it will grab the closest memory. You want to have lots of good memories for it to grab. I hope this is making sense.

So you may say what about exposure then. Exposure is actually looking at a situation, deciding there is no reason to panic and putting it at the bottom of the pile where it is harder to get at. Every time you successfully do exposure you put a good memory at the top of the pile and shift the bad one farther down the stack. The worst attacks are at night because you have little control over what the brain is up to. You can take pills so you won't notice it or you can learn how to control it. My panic attack blog shows what happens when you learn to do this. The most important thing is that when it is gone it is gone it doesn't play over and over the next day.

Fight or flight. Most of us hide and we do it unconsciously. We live in a bandaid society. We patch things temporary or wait for them to go away. Benzos are a good example. Just put a patch on it and see if it goes away. Some times you need the bandaid while you heal, but if you are not healing then there must be a reason. Hide is a pretty insulting word and may not be the right one but at the time it was all I could think of. Now that I think about it avoid is more appropriate.

Exposure is definitely tiring but in the long run it is sure worth it.

Davit.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 420

Davit,

I do find what you say about triggers very interesting. Being that I have some ptsd their are lots of things that trigger my anxiety and cause my adrenaline to take off like a rocket and bring back bad memories. It can be overwhelming at times to say the least. Being that I took care of a my husband 24 hrs a day with ptsd related to his combat in Vietnam which later developed into frontal temporal lobe dementia. I witnesses and felt his fear 24 hrs a day for at least 4 yrs and it was my sole responsibility to take care of him and try to ease his fears until he passed away. It has taken me a long to get to where hearing a chopper over head doesn't set me off and make me relive the fear all over again. I am just beginning to feel like I am not in Saigon anymore. We were together for 27 yrs. I was also a victim of a violent crime and have witnessed a violent crime before we met. So I have lots of issues and things that trigger my anxiety and agoraphobia. I am not sure if this stuff will ever go away but it is getting better. I guess what I am getting at or trying to say is that we are all different and have had different experiences and even though I agree that diet and exercise are great and do make me feel better I think it is going to take a long time for me personally to heal and get better. I do feel with Gods help, this program and the support of people here on the program and of course my willingness to work the program at my own pace, I do have chance of getting well and leading a happy,healthy and fulfilling life. Yes I too have been hiding but I am slowly coming out of shell and I too may disappear for a little while in the spring to work in my garden and rest my soul. This exposure work can be very tiring.

Red

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Oskiew

I did not mean to sound like I thought you were a coward or that what you are saying has no relevance because it does. All these things you talk about are good and every bit helps and I think that every one should do as much of them as they can. And I agree that they should be done under a doctors supervision.

You don't mention what brought on your panic, or how bad it actually was. Do you know what triggered it and can you say being in that situation again won't trigger it again. The first half of any program is learning relaxation skills and coping skills. The second half can't work till the first half is learned. The second half is harder. Especially as most people drop out here. The second half is digging out the triggers and dealing with them so they can never ever cause panic again. There are people here who have things that trigger there panic and always will unless they find them and deal with them. And they are doing a very good job of doing this. I cannot commend them enough. Exposure is hard but it is also necessary if you want as someone put it the whole enchilada. I know because I am doing the exposure and some of my triggers are terrifying. But I am also winning.

Maybe you have no triggers to dig out, maybe there was no reason for your panic. Who knows. But if there is then you can never be sure it won't happen again can you.

May your change of lifestyle keep you panic free and it is just possible your old lifestyle was the trigger.

What ever works.

Davit.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11216

Davit,

I am glad you threw out your point of view. We always like hearing from everyone and Davit please realize you are such a valued member hear. I can speak for myself in saying I always love reading your posts!

I would never accuse you of being arrogant. I did see what you were saying but I also thought that Oskiew may not feel he is hiding from Panic and therefore may disagree. Disagreement is ok and I love how both of you articulated your thoughts. It is always good to hear peoples honest, non judgemental thoughts. I can certainly understand what both you and Oskiew is saying.

I am not sure what you mean by disappear. I hope you are not referring to here on the support groups! We would miss you so much!

Oskiew, I wanted to clarify. You are not saying you avoid your fears, you just practice all the suggestions you articualted to manage your panic. Is that correct?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4

I agree with you 100% about the busy thing. I too cannot wait until spring. Have fun man!

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