Well, I'm back home! I enjoyed many parts of my six day trip but there were definitely lots of tough times too - big exposure events every day and a couple of more minor anxiety attacks though nothing as bad as that first day when I had to make myself leave.
Today was my drive back home. I didn't have a lot of anticipatory anxiety about it (big deal for me) because I knew my parents would be with me for most of the drive, so I thought it would go a lot easier. It was harder than I expected, and towards the end when I knew I had drive by myself and take the ferry home by myself I did have another panic attack. I was able to get through it without taking a Xanax this time, but now I'm again feeling very worn out now that I'm home and unpacked. Sweatbee and Red - Thanks for letting me know you feel tired after hard exposure too! It sure can take a lot of out of you.
I'm trying really hard to support myself and be positive about the fact that I went on this trip and made it through all of these challenges, but I still get bogged down in the frustration of this being hard when it didn't used to be, and some deep-rooted belief that I "should" be making progress faster. I do keep telling myself this was a big deal and a big step and that I should be proud of myself for making it through it. It's hard for me to reward myself for things like this, when I feel like I should be able to do more or at least do this with less anxiety, but I did use some of you as inspiration and I bought myself a candle-making kit that I'm really looking forward to playing with during the next few days while I'm taking it easier. Being able to reward myself is big part of my progress too!
I just wish I could feel better after going through so much in the last few days, but instead I just feel totally out of it....I hope you're right Red that a few days from now it sinks in and I start feeling really good. I'll let you know!