Luciana- Unforunately I did not stay home alone...and still have not.
I
am feeling a lot better these days and have not had any "major
episodes" and have been able to shop for Christmas and felt really
good. The problem I am having is that I cannot do it alone. I have to
have someone with me at all times. Every single day I have to have a
plan for tomorrow and who I am going to have come "babysit" me (my
choice word for this) and it is wearing me out and I am certain it is
wearing out my poor friends too. I arrange to have someone take me to a
friends after my kids leave for school and then my friend brings me
home before they get home, all because I am fearful of a panic attack
when I am home alone and driving by myself is simply out of the
question. I have challenged myself a few times and done well for
example going a few blocks to the Walgreens and back and have been
successful without an attack and then I get excited and tell myself
lets do this again and go a little further and everytime I get
a rush of panic...thoughts of, you can't do this..what if you panic?
Who will come pick me up on the side of the road? If I am on the side
of the road in a panic attack what if someone stops to help and I am
emberassed? One time I pulled off onto the side of the freeway because
I was shakking so bad and I couldn't get back onto the freeway so I
drove (illegally I am sure) on the shoulder all the way to my
exit...who does this???
Logically
I know it is all in my head but how do I get past this? I am now
jobless and gave myself Dec off to get help and try and get through
this before I start looking for work but here I sit and worry about how
in the world am I going to find a job when i cannot even drive to an
interview? Whew...I wish Staples made an easy button for this....:)
|
Welcome back Asio,
You said that today would have been your first day at home alone. Check back in with us and let us know how it went.
I look forward to hearing about it.
Luciana, Bilingual Health Educator