First of all, your not a downer and please do not apologize for coming here, for telling us your problems. Do not feel bad, you are a great person. We all are, we just have a few problems in our lives that we are trying our best to work through. None of us are here to judge you or anyone else.
If anything we are happy that you have come here, that we will help you as much as we can.
Secondly, there is hope. You have to try and get yourself thinking that there is a way, there is a light on the other end of the tunnel. I know how hard it is. When I am feeling anxiety of am having a panic attack it feels like it is the end of the world for me.
If you ever have a moment where there is nothing on your mind, take that minute to think that you are ok, that there is a way out. Start trying to believe. Use this program, try all that you can. You can do this, we all can.