Thank you for sharing your story with us, and letting us in on some of the details of your situation. You have recently gone through a traumatic experience, but you have received help and have been working on making progress since then. It is great that you had a good day on Sunday be sure to remember how you feel on those good days. Continue to reach out to your sons for support, have you considered making a visit to the one in NY? Have him come visit you? We are always here to listen and be here for you. Continue to post your experiences and use the online program.
With the holidays coming up, I'm finding myself in bouts of depression more frequently than usual. Today I started having thoughts about how nice it would be if I were still married and I could spend Thanksgiving with my Ex-H and his family. I haven't filled everybody in yet on my particular situation, but I live in the midwest and my oldest son (who is 25) lives in NYC while the younger one (age 23) lives in India. Alsl, my entire family lives on the east coast and I am virtually alone out here except for a handful of very close friends and work associations. My Ex-H still lives in the area and the latest debacle with him landed me in the local mental health facility for a week. He suggested to me that we might reconcile because he has matured so much and learned so much about himself since he has been on his own. I fell for it hook, line and sinker, because he sounded so sincere and I did notice a quieter, calmer, caring person. I hit a brick wall when I discovered that he was trying to make his new girlfriend jealous so that she would choose between him and another guy she is seeing. I don't remember anything for about 3 days after this happened and when I finally started to tune in with the world again, I was on rock bottom trying to climb back up. My health insurance covered one week in the facility I went to, but I've gotten lots of help since being released and I think I'm doing okay. Sunday was the best day I've had in a very long time and I think I got to feeling a little too cocky about the depression being over because I'm having a set back today. I've dealt with depression for almost 20 years, and I attribute most of it to the bad marriage I was in. Why did I stay so long? Because I got used to it and it was my "normal." I just called and talked to my son who is in NY and I'm going to close this message and post it, then call my son in India before he goes to bed. Talking to them is my lifeline. Thanks for listening (reading).
It sounds great that your son understands and is supportive. A mini vacation sounds great! Definitely plan a getaway, you deserve it! Also, it might be about time you teach your brother the traditional dressing recipe!
Ashley, I think I projected. I talked to my son and he said he understood, if I wanted to go have fun and that would be what was best for me then go for it. He said we'll get together a little later and have a meal (meaning a week or so).
In the best case scenario my new friend that I've been dating and I would take off and go somewhere for 4 days, hang out and do nothing. In the next best scenario, I'd go somewhere for 4 days, hang out and do nothing. lol By saying do nothing - I mean, no pressure, not in this environment (my house - argh - though I've got people hired doing different things) and doing something for ME and/or HIM and/or US, depending on how it works out.
I think the guilt dissipated when my son said he didn't have a problem with me not going to Thanksgiving dinner. I just have to figure out how to get the dressing to them. I think it may be time that my brother learned to make our traditional thanksgiving dressing. That would make me feel good too and less pressure.
I think I'm gonna plan a four 1/2 day, mini-vacation.....any feedback on where I should go. I get the half day because I can leave after my therapy appt on Wednesday.
It sounds pretty clear you know what you want to do. Could you talk to your son about it? Maybe you two could come to some sort of an agreement. You need to do whats right for you goofy. It sounds like your family won't mind too much. I am sure they wouldn't want you to come out of guilt. In an ideal situation what would you want to happen?
I talked to my brother last week about not going to our family meal for US holiday of Thanksgiving Nov. 26th.. Last year as we buried dad two days before the US Thanksgiving, we got the dinner catered and held it at a different location (no one was up for cooking). This year we are trying to set a new precedent, to carry on without our parents. I just don't want to go. I don't want us to stop getting together. My brother says he understands, won't take it personally and to be sure to send the "dressing". I'm the one with the recipe that of course doesn't exist on paper. A pinch, a dab a little bit kind of recipe. My son will have a fit if I don't go. I am thinking about just going out of town, visiting a friend, taking a mini-vacation if I have to do it alone. That's a way to give thanks isn't it? It's rather nontraditional, but our traditions are changing with family dynamics changing. I think I'd be better off to get my mind off the holidays and do something fun!
The flip side to that is feeling guilty, but I've missed thanksgiving dinner before - before mom and dad passed away - to go with a friend to their thanksgiving.
Recognize your feelings. Christmas is a difficult time of year for many. Some may not have close friends and family and its okay to be sad. It’s important at this time to express your feelings and to seek support. Don’t forget that you’re not the only one going through the same emotions. Support groups are great for individuals in need of someone to talk to.
Seek support. If you feel isolated or down, seek out family members and friends, or community, religious or social services. They can offer support and companionship. Consider volunteering at a community or religious function. Getting involved and helping others can lift your spirits and broaden your social circle. Also, enlist support for organizing holiday gatherings, as well as meal preparation and cleanup. You don't have to go it alone.
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I get the half day because I can leave after my therapy appt on Wednesday. 
