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Problems with avoidance


15 years ago 0 3043 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Brenna & Rose,
 
I've been told since childhood by my family that I "hide my head in the sand".  I've learned to be less avoidant about some things but when things get tough or I am out of my element and can't seem to find some focus point, I avoid.  Not just a little but alot.  To the point where it causes bigger issues - and why would I do that?  I DON'T KNOW!!!!
 
I, like Rose, find myself not talking/dealing/going out because there's a chance I could mess up something (what? again I don't know).  Then there's the things I can't control, hiding is easier than finding a way to deal.  Again, this has not gone well for me.  I don't want to sound like I don't deal with anything, because I do, but there is a point where I stop.  It doesn't necessarily stop the anxiety, it becomes like trying to get your car our of a snow bank - spinning my wheels!! I've already posted how many issues came from my last big shut down.  I do understand that most of my problem with this is not being able to come up with the PERFECT answer.  A long time ago a friend told me you try to find the best answer given the information you have at your disposal and that is the best you can do - this still hangs me up.
 
I think Rose hit on an important issue - How can you decide what is the best way to handle something?  How do you know there's not a better answer if you just wait a little longer?  How do I know that I've considered everything and made the best decision?  Some of the issues that hang me up seem so overwhelming and I feel inadequate to deal with them.  
15 years ago 0 142 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
hello,
very much so! in face another of the many labels i have heard is "avoidant personality disorder". like my mother and her mother before her. is this a part of the anxiety that accompanies depression? is it genetic? i've gotten to the point that i try not to talk to anyone, i feel damned if i do and damned if i don't. then you just freeze up and do nothing because once again, it could be the WRONG thing. what do you do? reach out to whom? i'm agnostic....think too much.....and don't want to leave my house if i can help it....how do you begin to deal with problems that are outside of your control? thank you for this topic...i hope you and others reply!
15 years ago 0 1153 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Members,

When we avoid things due to anxiety, we miss out. As you probably already know, escaping the situation you find yourself in when you have a panic attacks can lead to problems.

•    Problem 1: Some situations are more difficult to avoid than others. For instance, if you have a fear of snakes but you live in the city, it’s probably not a huge cause for concern. Chances are you’ll only be exposed to them at the zoo or pet store. However, if a person fears wide open spaces, crowds, shopping malls or riding in public transportation in can cause a much bigger problem.
•    Problem 2: Escaping & avoiding situations works well to reduce anxiety in the short-term. However, in the long-term avoidance makes things worse. The problem is that escaping works too well. When you escape a situation, you receive immediate relief. The result is you become really good at escaping and avoiding. When you think about it, not dealing with problems isn’t what you want to be good at.

Are you struggling with avoidance?

Brenna, Bilingual Health Educator

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