I used to be very impulsive when I was younger and it did get me in trouble and caused some trouble for me also...Now I like to thinks things out and get things done in a series of small steps..Like the project we have going right now, putting up fence..I have been thinking I would like to do this for the last 10 years..Now I have someone to help and we are doing it and getting it done..It takes a series to steps to complete. We are taking our time and pacing ourselves with this project.This is something I learned to do from my partner. He is 64 and I am 57. I wished I had learned to do this when I was younger. I guess this is one of the good things that comes with age and experience..
I still do like to impulsively throw my stuff into the travel trailer and take off on the open road and dry camp in nature..I still do love an adventure though and always will..
Just wanted to say hello and ask you how you have been doing? Also I want to thank you for your words of wisdom that you decided to share with us all in your post...
My soil is clay and when you get down about one foot you hit hard pan..So you have to soak it first so you can dig..It is funny how you are taking down your range fence because you are not going to have farm animals and I am putting up a fence to keep the human animals and barking snarling dogs next door away from my front door so I can go out into my yard..You and I are living in very different worlds..I think I would prefer the farm animals thats for sure..of course I couldn't take care of them now..I really like the wild animals we get to see, that visit use when we go dry camping..I can't wait to go dry camping again. Your bears sound lovely..
Well got to sign off for now..Lots of work to do tomorrow..I am the official assistant and cheer leader on this project...
I have some experience with dreams too..I had a wonderful dream once that I was in a beautiful meadow and there was no sadness or sickness or pain. I was a young child of maybe 9 or 12. The colors were so vivid and it was so peaceful there..I hated to wake up and tried to go back to sleep and to the dream. This was a spiritual experience for me and I felt that this was Heaven..I look forward to being there again..
I also have a lot of nightmares which I think are caused by ptsd where I am in a panic and have to wake myself up..
Yesterday I got a letter from the Dept of Veterans Affairs in relations to my benefits. They have now decided that my late husband could have had Parkinson from herbicide exposure. Anyway I was so upset because knew I would have to go to the Disabled American Veterans a service originations who helps veterans and their families deal with there claims and benefits..they are located in the Dept of Veterans Building. I starting having flashbacks and the memories of the years we spent going to the VA for help and all the trauma of his illness and seeing all the other sick veterans and it all came flooding back again..Last night was a very bad night of me and my dreams were different this time, instead of being in a panic this time I was sobbing in my dream for all of the veterans and their families and myself who have had to go through this type of physical and emotional pain. In the last dream I saw a statue of soldiers in combat on a flat bed trailer driving down the road and I just keep sobbing uncontrollably..So this time when I woke up I stayed up and spent the morning sobbing for us all..
Today I went to the VA to take care of the business I needed to take care of. I was so sad. I stopped at the 2nd floor where the help the veterans with ptsd and asked them if the could help me with what I went though, just like I asked them 8 yrs ago. There still is nothing they can do for me because I am a widow and not the veteran. They did try, I will give them that and gave me a flier telling me where I might find help..I wonder when does the pain stop when do we all stopping hurting and being haunting by War...
I look forward to and am waiting to return to that peaceful meadow again...
Yesterday we got half of our fence completed and are loving the privacy..What a relief..
Today the temperature was 102 so we couldn't work on it..
Today I had business to take care of at the Veterans Administration. It was really hard to get though emotionally with lots of
tears but I got through it and am back at home in one piece..
I decided to make some chili when I go home as a positive distraction and a reward of sorts I suppose. I am looking forward to a relaxing and quite evening at home....
Tomorrow we will be working on our project again weather permitting.
I already posted on dreams under thread titled..."are you in Dreamland or Nightmare land."...
You will find it there if you want to read it but I must warn you it is very sad..Read or not the choice is yours it doesn't matter to me anymore..I could not write it again and post it here..As you will see real life is not always Wine & Roses
Thank you for your considerate, compassionate and caring response.This is a rare quality now a days. It really does mean a lot to me. Especially since I had to go to and deal with Veterans affairs today. You are such a dear friend. Thank you for caring. I should not have to go back there for a long long time now. I am still sad and depressed tonight because of all the memories it brought up to the surface. It was probably good that I was able to let the tears flow today I have been holding them in for so many years now...I know it is going to take some time to heal again but I am hoping to be in better spirits tomorrow..
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