another newbie! = )

Hello all!! ... I signed up a few days ago and have been reading the boards .... it is nice to see that I am not the only one "losing my mind" .. lol! I just discovered that I have panic disorder, OCD and a touch of PTSD- my Drs have came to this conclusion after months of tests ...(cardiac stress tests, echo's, head ct's, other sono's, tons of labs) all were normal - I kept having racing heart and feeling like I was going to pass out, along with jello legs and feeling like I could just lose it - or feeling like I was not real (if that makes sense)... since the 1st of the year I have had 6 trips to the ER and was convinced that I was dying each time .... when these overpowering "attacks" would come on I was sure I was having a heart attack or about to have a stroke and afraid that I would pass out and either everyone would stare at me or I would be alone and no one would find me .... so it got to the point where I would not go anywhere by myself anymore (not even the bathroom at work) - my poor husband has been trapped by me because he is my "safe person" ... it feels like it is taking over my life I wake up with high anxiety - it is the 1st thought and I start feeling sick - I have to tell myself that I am fine - but does not always work - and for the last month or so I have had panic attacks in my sleep - not a fun way to wake up in the middle of the night- lol!! ... I worry about everything ... and always think the Dr's missed something (stupid I know) and then I will obsess over it till I go into another panic attack and it all starts over .. I guess the worrying and stress has fianally cought up with me ...lol!! ... I was not always this bad .... I used to be fun and love having some alone time - but right now I can not even go to the mall or wal - mart by myself and I hate it!! ... I have just started Prozac and Xanex .... the OCD side of me hates taking meds and I obsess over reading RX web sites for side effects and usually talk my self out of taking things .... but for the sake of my family I am forcing myself to take them and hoping this site will help also ... Sorry to ramble on - just wanted to throw my "situation" out there and hope someone else has had similiar problems and has some words of wisdom ... Thanks!! ;)

FEAR List Exposed

I can not say how comforting it is to see so many others with my same fears - it makes me feel like I am not alone in this "messed up struggle" .... here are some of mine fear of dying fear of passing out fear of going places by myself (will go anywhere with my husband - he is my "safe person") fear of driving alone (still do it - but only to work and home) fear of some off the wall disease fear of a blood clot (I have Factor V and have had 2 clots in my leg in the past) fear of a stoke I have had several medical test ran to make sure there is nothing "Medical" wrong with me - but I am afaid that the dr's missed something - or I will doubt that actually know what they are talking about (??) fear that I am going crazy - that I might have to be commited if this keeps up fear of taking meds (I obsess over this part) fear that this will never go away I am afraid to be between towns when traveling - always wondering if an ambulance would get to me in time if something happened (stupid I know!) fear I will not see my kids grow up fear that my husband will get sick of all my fears and leave me the funny one is fear of going to the bathroom at work I have to make sure someone else is in there before I will go in - same for public places ...lol! and pretty much just fear of fear this could go on all day.... but will spare you guys the rest of the list ... lol!! I just started meds last week (Prozac, which I am terrified of) and looking forward to this web site helping also!! ... already all the stories and others going thru my same issues has helped!! :p

medication

lol! ... it took me a while to pick up my meds to ....I stress about taking them and usually sit with it infront of me for a while before I actually decide to take it (odd I know) I also wanted to ask .... has or is anyone taking Prozac??... I started about 3 weeks ago on 10mg and was to go up to 20mg in 7 days then 30mg then up to 40mg .... however when I started taking 20mg I started having tremors... kinda like I had 10 cups of coffee - I did it for the 1st 2 days and got scared so I went back to 10mg .... I was just wondering if this affected anyone else like this before?.. I am seeing my Dr at the end of the month and will dicuss with him also Just wondering!! :)

Order in introductions

Hello Birdie and Claire!! ... I am still pretty new to the site too - but so far reading everyone's stories and seeing that I am not alone in this messed up battle - has really helped alot - everyone here is soooo supportive!! I too had these panic attacks when I was younger .... I am 33 now and they seem 10x worse then I remember ... I am not sure what has triggered them this time other then just maybe the stressors of everyday life .... ?? my husband is supportive but he does not really "know" wht I am going thru ... he has a bad habit of telling me it is mind over matter - but so far the mind sems to be doing it's own thing - no matter how bad I don't want it to ... I catch myself arguing with myself over how silly this all seems - but so far I can not "make" it stop .... I do have high hopes with this site though and the wonderful kindred spirts that are here!! = )

Intrusive / obsessive thoughts.. OCD like??

Hi DazedMommy! I was actually dx'd with OCD along with my panic disorder .... so I know exactly what you are talking about .... my big thing is illness right now - if I read or hear about some illness I have to wonder if I have it - or if I will get it? ... then I usually end up in a nasty panic attack over it .... Sometimes in my early panic phases I will feel like it is hard to breathe or hard to catch my breath - I right away assume that I am about to have a heart attack or something and my obsessive thoughts just make it worse ... I actually went to several Dr.s before I was dx'd with panic/ocd because I actually thought that there was something horrible wrong with me- I have had so me tests ran and had at least 5 er visits this year alone - in March I had already hit my insurance dedutible and out of pocket limit ... lol!! .... lucky for me all the test came back fine... but because of the OCD part of it, I obsess over the results "what if they missed something" , "what if they are not sure what they were talking about" ... "maybe there was a tumor or something hiding behind something when they did the CT scan" .... just stupid stuff like that - and that usually sends me into the really bad panic attacks ..... somedays I want to scream - because I "know" that these are stupid obsessive thoughts - yet I can't keep them away - and it really ticks me off!!! ... lol!! = ) sorry for going on! .... but wanted to let you know I know how you feel!! :)

dang it!!

sooo .... for the last few days I have been feeling ok - dare I say "better" but I blew it today ... I thought I was ok to walk 1 block by myself to get lunch today (I never go by myself) .. I managed to get where I was going but felt really nervous when I got there .. the entire walk there I kept argueing with my OCD "voices" ... "what if I pass out on the way? will someone find me?.. what if - what if?" ... I got my lunch and headed back to work, but on the way back it got worse - I felt like I could black out at any moment - almost like I was losing control - I was soo scared and tried to walk as fast as I could - I kept thinking "if I can just get back in front of work - I know someone would see me if I passed out" - my heart was racing and I felt like I could not breathe ... but I made it back! ... I was sooo dissapointed in myself that I just cried when I got back to my desk ..... it just seems like it will not go and stay away and it is always on my mind ... sorry to ramble but this site always makes me feel better when I read it and I just needed to vent today! ... this is my 2nd PA this week at work (down from the usual 5) ... the 1st was Monday in the ladies room (another place I hate to go by myself - as pitiful as that is) ... I flet trapped in the stall and had to run out as fast as I could and get near people that I knew ..... I feel like such a dork everytime this happens ....lol!! Thanks for listening!! :)

dizzy spell...help

Hi Mya! I soooo know how you feel!! .... I have been having my attacks since early Feb. and I have had lots of dizzy spells - or spells of feeling like my head was somewhere else ..... I get feelings of unreality sometimes with it and it really scares me!! ... and I also get the nervous feelings in the mornings - it is like as soon as I wake up it starts - the shaking feeling and the light headedness ... here latley though I have been laying in bed for a few minutes before getting up and tell my self "ok - you know what this is and you know you will be ok!" and then I get up slow and try not to think about it (which does not alawys work) it has helped some - but still have problems with it- especially if my husbands leaves for work before I do - I get a panic feeling being alone with the kids in the morning (afraid I will get dizzy and pass out and worry about them) but all of this is slowly getting better ... .I still have "bad" days but they seem to be getting further apart .... and I know if you stick with this web site and these wonderful supportive people here - you will start feeling a change too!! and as Diva always says "This too shall pass" .... (this is one phrase that helps me daily!) Hang in there Mya!! :)

I've never admitted my fear.....and it's back

Hi Scaredagain! I sooo know what you are talking about .... my problem is reading to much on medical conditions that I hear about .... cause almost all of them relate to some of the same symptoms as a panic attack - and I start thinking that the Dr's overlooked something - that I really do have some bad disease ... mine is usually heart attacked related or stroke ... I watched a medical show the other day about something called a berry aneurysm and the headaches that go along with it and how it is very common to have - but what I was watching the person died from it ... and I could not sleep for 2 nights because I was up thinking about all the headaches that I had been having - and going into full panic attacks thinking about it ....but I have tried to block it out and really have not obessed about it to much latley!! ... but I have had this problem (thinking something was deathly wrong with me) since I was 9 and I am 33 now .. and I can usually tell my self that there is really "nothing" wrong ... but it is so hard sometimes.. just the last few months I have started having anxitey again - and allowed those stupid thoughts back in - not sure why or really what brought it all on again - but I am more than ready for it all to be gone and things be back to "normal" ... so just hang there .... and know that there are others going thru the same thing you are - and we will all overcome this!!! :)

I did it!!