Hi Mitali,

Thank you for writing.

Understand that everyone has their weaknesses, and these can be moments for growth. Being able to do things regularly is a skill, and something you can definitely.

What is one thing you would really like to make regular?
I encourage you to pick that one thing and work at doing it. Reward yourself when you do so.

Be kind to yourself, and be patient. If you have a day where you are not able to do something regularly, use positive self talk. Say things like “ I had a difficult today, but tomorrow I’m going to get right back on track. I’ve been making great changes, and I will continue to do so”. 

Behaviour changes take time. The most important thing is that you’ve identified what you would like to change and ar

Some people make a distinction between activities that bring pleasure and activities that give a sense of accomplishment. Some activities are performed for pure pleasure such as going to a movie, taking a bubble bath, wiggling toes in the sand or basking in the sun. Other activities aren’t so pleasant to do but when you finish them you feel good because you get a sense of accomplishment or control over a situation.

For example, cleaning the kitchen floor or tidying up a closet may not be exactly “fun,” but you can feel “good” or “better” after having done a small job because you can feel like you have accomplished something.

Over the next several weeks we are going to ask you to do some experimenting by doing things that may provide a sense of pleasure or accomplishment. Again, all we ask is that you try it and see what happens.

If you’re having some trouble coming up with some activities that will give you a sense of accomplishment, here’s a list that will get you started:

Donating to a good cause
Passing a test
Planning a trip or vacation
Making a piece of Art
Redecorating
Rearranging furniture
Learning something new
Learning how to fix something
Doing the dishes
Writing something well
Saying something well

Breathing in a slow, steady, and relaxed way from your belly can lead to a feeling of relaxation and calm, and can reduce the physical symptoms of generalized anxiety. In the next experiment we’d like you to practice some relaxed box breathing for five to ten minutes. Try it and see what happens.

For this exercise find a quiet and comfortable place to lie down on your back. A bed is fine. The floor is fine too. Here’s what we’d like you to d

1. Put one of your hands on your belly, just below your rib cage.
2. Put your other hand on your chest.
3. If the hand on your belly is moving up and down more than the hand on your chest, you’re breathing from your diaphragm, which is good.
4. If the hand on your chest is moving up and down more than the hand on your belly, try to move your breathing from your chest to your belly.

Box breathing may not be easy if you’re used to anxious breathing from your chest. For most people it’ll take a while to learn how to breathe in a relaxed way. Give yourself time to learn how to move your breathing from your chest to your belly. When you’ve moved your breathing from your chest to your belly, start to think about your breathing in a new way.

Normally when we think about breathing, we think of it as having two parts: breathing in and breathing out. Not any more. We want you to think about breathing as having four parts, like a square or a box. Breathing in and breathing out are two sides of the box, but there are two more sides. It is the two other sides that we want you to focus on.
 

If you pay attention to your breathing, you’ll notice it has four parts. We breathe in and we breathe out (sides 1 and 3), but we also actually pause twice with each cycle. We pause once after we breathe in, and once after we breathe out. So, our breathing really goes like this: breathe in on one, pause on two, breathe out on three, pause on four, breathe in on one, pause on two, breathe out on three, pause…

Sometimes it’s easier to notice the pauses. When we’re very relaxed the pauses are easy to spot. When we’re exercising or panicking, the pauses are harder to spot. But, they’re always there, no matter what.

What we’d like you to do is try box breathing for 5 or 10 minutes. Relax and breathe to a count of one, two, three, four. Breathe in on one, hold on two, breathe out on three, and hold on four. Like this:

 
Just keep counting to four over and over again. Slowly breathe in and breathe out. Make sure to hold between breathing in and breathing out for a few seconds. You’ll find that with a little practice your pauses between breathing will get longer. As you continue to do this you’ll find yourself breathing more slowly and more regularly, and you’ll notice yourself getting more and more relaxed.

If you find yourself feeling short of breath or feeling dizzy, or if feel like you’re hyperventilating or getting anxious, stop counting. Breathe normally for a little while and start again. It takes a little practice but you’ll soon find the pace that’s right for you.

If you like, you can try box breathing for five minutes a couple of times a day to see if it helps you reduce your g

Lift your feet slightly off the floor and point your toes to tense the muscles on the back of your lower legs (calves). Hold for a count of 10 then relax for a count of 20. Repeat.

Put your feet back on the floor. Push your knees together to tense the muscles of your inner thighs. Hold for a count of 10 then relax for a count of 20. Repeat.

 Fact: Depression doesn't mean you have something wrong with your character. It doesn't mean you aren't strong enough emotionally. It's a real medical condition, like diabetes or arthritis.