Sorry to hear about the dentist. That is a real tough one to get through. I guess if you can through that and I can get through the jury duty selection. My partner will be going with me to wait in the jury lounge. I will have to go through the questioning alone when my name is called. I am not going to take the xanax it makes me to foggy in the head and I do not want to appear drugged in front of the judge/attorneys/or the prosecutor. I need to be clear headed. Gees who's on trial any way me or the defendant. I guess I need to keep telling myself I am not the one on trial. I sure hope I am not selected to be a juror on a trial. Then I could be tied up in it for a long while. Anyway I will be thinking of you at the dentist office. Remember you will not be alone I will be their with you in spirit. Is someone going to drive you home that day? When is your appointment?
Make sure you post and let us know how you are doing and that you got home ok. Promise!!
This is a very caring and supportive group and we do learn a lot from each other. I am so glad you have joined our group the more the merrier. I look forward to hearing more from you.
Yes my partner. I must correct you not my husband will be there waiting for me on my jury duty date. That is all good and nice but I am still having a lot of anxiety about the process and questioning. This is something I have to face not him. I can feel my anderaline going up and my mouth drying out, right now just thinking about it. I guess it is anticipatory fear. I am not sure how to deal with this. It is starting to get the best of me and I can not just run and hide and make it go away this time. Maybe one of the educators can help me come up with some ideas on how to deal with this? Maybe not? I am really drowning with it right now. What are some steps that I can take to combat this fear?
Ashley: I am not doubting myself. I just do not want to drag up my past. They will be asking questions like have you been a victim of violent crime or child molestation, or witness a violent crime as examples and if yes, what? and will you be still be able to be a impartial juror? This will be in a group setting and if need be I can ask to speak to the judge in private. The questions depend on what the case is about. I will be their all day and if I am not chosen for one case than I will be called in again over and over again all day until I am put on a jury or dismissed from serving on a jury all together. This is going to and already is bringing up issues for me and is causing me to relive incidences in my past and making it had to deal with my ptsd. I am afraid that this is going to be a major set back for me in my recovery. The pstd,anxiety,panic,agoraphobia, and depression are all intertwined for me and this triggering them. I am just trying to figure out a way to get through this with the least damage to myself. Maybe the 10 question list will help? I guess I have to have faith that I can get through this and keeping saying in my head "I can't take this pain please take it from me" if I am asked questions I am not comfortable with. Thats all thats ever helped me in the past.
Talking to judge is really not helping me. I really don't want to talk about certain things with anyone not even a judge. My partner knows about my fears and ptsd and he is the only one I have ever felt comfortable talking to about it other than my husband who has passed away now.
Yes if the a topic does not affect me I think I can think of it as a challenge and get through it and well feel stronger because I was able to do this. So that is a good thing. That way when they call me again for jury duty it easier for me next time. If I serve on jury it will be 3 yrs before they can summon me for jury duty again. If I don't serve they can summons me again in one year. I am going to try and look at this as a learning experience.
The answer to both of your questions is no. I am doing this because I have to. If I do not show up I would be in violation of the court and would be in contempt of court and subject to being place in custody and or fined. I quote. In order to get a permanent excuse I would need a written from a psych which I do not have and I do not want to go that route. If I want a temporary excuse I would need to write a written statement explaining my condition and duration of it. If I was do this I would be opening up a can of worms and could be putting my drivers license in jeporardy. You can have your license taken away for a mental disability. So the best thing I can do for myself is to go do my jury duty and think of it as a learning experience kind of like taking a class. I should be stronger and toughened up a little more after it. Don't worry I will be ok
In answer to your question. Do I know anyone who has gotten out of it? I can't speak for anyone else. I can tell you that I have gotten better since I started working the program. I am leaving the house more and I am feeling more self confident. It does take time and it doesn't happen over night. I understand the illness better now. Working with the 10 question list has helped me challenge my anxious and negative thoughts. I think it is something that I will have to keep on top of and maybe do for the rest of my life. I have good days and bad days but the good days are starting to out number the bad ones. You just have to never give up and never lose hope. Their is hope and you can get better. Remember to be patient with yourself and take it one day at a time. I find that posting helps me and reading posts give me more incite into this illness. Feel free to post any time you want or need to. Thats what the support group is for. Its here to help you and all of us get well.
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