Last night at bed time was awful -- headache, jumping out of my skin, couldn't sit still, snapping at my family -- took Tylenol and a sleeping pill and eventually got to sleep. Starting day four. Going to the place where I drink the most -- my boat -- and then to a BBQ. Always love drinking on rainy days and it's raining now. This is tiring! Looking for that higher power; how will I find it?
Thanks Ashley. My wife and I decided to stay home today. The weather was the reason she suggested it, but I immediately agreed because it will be easier for me at home, to refrain from drinking. Just finished some exercise. Will now look for some nice things I can do for my family, partly to distract me from thinking about drinking. Have been reading lots of stuff on this website, and started to read the Blue Book. I am an obsessive person -- hope to become as obsessive about not drinking as I am the opposite way! John
Went through the exercises on this website including making a goal, telling my wife and close friend, listing triggers, listing my sources of support, listing my rewards, exercising, finding things to do to please my family, starting to read the blue book, looking for a nearby AA meeting (haven't gone to one yet), suspending my diet in which I fast 2 days a week -- fasting leaves me really vulnerable to abuse alcohol the day after.
Today, I read, had some serious discussions with my wife, my 17 year old son and my 15 year old daughter, cooked dinner for all of us using a new recipe, did some work, watched TV with my wife and son, and played with our cat.
I'm grateful for:
My wife's support and common sense.
My daughter's uncommon patience and wisdom -- she's only 15 but much wiser than her years.
My good health (apart from this disease which here).
I've got lots of my favourite scotch on hand. Hoping I won't need it again, I offer her as much as she wants. She'll be very happy and it's better than poring it down the drain. No doubt I'll have a horrible headache, and I hope she'll understand if I go upstairs to lie down in the dark.
I searched the phrase "higher power" and found this thread. I don't have faith in God or a spiritual being. Maybe the higher power is a sense of community? Working together a community can be greater than the sum of its parts. There are many communities in my life, some of which can help with our struggle with alcohol. For me examples include, my family, my doctor (who is a recovering addict), this forum and, hopefully, the AA community. I love being part of a team although I hate the "rah, rah" stuff -- teamwork is more quiet for me. I wonder if these communities can be my higher power. When a family member or friend has a difficult problem, I like to tell them "we'll get through this together" and when I have a problem, often I want them to tell me the same thing without trying to solve my problem.
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