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13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6

Rebuilding Self Esteem 2

I too am the youngest in my family and have always been treated like a kid, and now at 3 decades of life,I find myself to be immature for my age, irresponsible and have very low self esteem. I have never taken decisions on my own, and those that i did make turned out to be not the right ones. I have had short accomplishments in life, but never held a job for long.

I have been trying to change my behaviour with no luck. It is so embarrasing that people who meet for first time think I m in my 20s - behaviour wise. I havent told my new friends my age cause I know they think me to be like 20 because of the way I behave. My thoughts are different but what I ultimately say and the way I say it gives such an impression. The way I work also shows me to be less responsible or someone who should be given less responsiblity or easy tasks. Sometimes I want to cry loud- could someone take me seriously....

Being a reserved person, it looks like I am a snob and am arrogant, because of which I have problem making friends. I would love to be with my peers and elders at work and home, be involved in serious talks. But because low confidence, I dont approach people ...such low self esteem...

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6

Emotional Quotient

People who dont know me think I am younger than I am. (for those who had read one of my previous post, am ranting again). which is obvioulsy because of the way iI behave. I thought why I behave this way and found because I think a particular way. I am the youngest in my family and have been treated like kid by one and all.

I feel stupid as I type this, but I was googling for quick fixes(sheer desperation, although I know these dont exist) and stumbled on Emotional maturity quotient article on Ezine that mentioned depression is one factor that could lower EMQ. How true is this correlation? At least this made me go back to my lessons at DC.

I was still pretty above average kid, strange how one day life falls like a pack of cards.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6

Rebuilding Your Self-Esteem

We have an office party tomorrow. I found I was not going be aloneby myself since I had made a friend at my workplace and was prettty excited about the party . Well, just found she had been *****ing about me big time and this was enuf to anger me, m ake me anxious and put me into depressi,on. We used to travel together after work, but today i totally avoided her. I know I shouldnt have done this, but well I did anyway.

My meds have been changed as the previous one produced side effects; the new meds make me slow at work, I am semi asleep. I am not being competitive or fast at work at all and instead taking one day at a time and I am pretty below par then where anyone else whould have been. Even the newbies around me seem to be doing better than I . This doesnt much help my already low self esteem.

When I am low I think i need this job, and bear whatever comes my way. There could be people who could be in worse state than i .

I had met a counsellor who told me i should first accept and love myself the way i am. a) i was not always this way, b) how do i love myself knowing how i am?

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6

Emotional Quotient

Hi Ashley,

Thanks for your reply. I am a reserved person, its amazing that I could open up to people I dont even know :). I guess every one wants to be treated per their age and with respect. I am 30. Yes.m that old n m the youngest in my family. my depression stems from genuine serious factors, all the same if the people around me could just give me a chance I could really do better. I am slow, I was neglected, have been over protected, given less responsibilities, bullied by my elders (typical- they do love me though), and suddenly one day I find myself on my own in the real world outside my cocoon. Couldnt handle what came my way and was majorly defeated. One of the reasons for my low self esteem is because of the way I am treated by my mom who I stay with and I carry this behaviourial thought with me even to work. - its a lot more complex then what I can write.

When I reread my post above, it looks like this is so common, so normal, its like so much melodrama- I am suffering for real, even if psychological. Most of my losses were because of the way I think and behave.I know its all emotions but there;s lil have been able to do.

My EQ was pretty high before I was hit with depression - I had taken an EQ test before and retook it recently where I scored lower. So I thought depression and EQ would be linked. I was looking specifically for emotional maturity quotient (I think mature people dont do silly mistakes and are serious, responsible and reliable) cause I sense a lot more change in my behaviour now against pre-depression time. I cant think deep like before when I was more analytical.

I dont know how to present myself to be treated differently. I guess, maybe gather more knowldge about current affairs, but then I cannot remmeber much. I read articles how mature people are, copycat elders/seniors around me but its fake after all. This should come to me automatically.

Any suggestions?

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6

Rebuilding Self Esteem 2

Hi Helena,

I am moving between sessions 2-4, hope to graduate to the next level.

-m, thanks for your reply. I did learn but after doing mistakes, these were big ones which affect you in a big way and hurt one a lot. My confidence has hit bottom, now I dont take decisions, I leave them to others and I dont like it one bit cause I am not in control of my life. But I wont dare to make decisions on my own.Guess I am scared.

Its wonderful you are trying to see and listen differently. Really, its all about perspective isnt it. I know but I havent been able to change my thoughts- I fear if i change people would start behaving differently with me. As it is they think I have an attitude , heh.

I like Jacques' idea too, that sounds motivating.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6

Accountablilty

I find challenging negative thoughts rather difficult. Sometimes, I am uncertain whether I am rightly having a negative thought or I am having a negative thought beacuse I am depressesed. Pretty confusing, eh. i m stuck at this level actually, wander around other lessons and come back to negative thoughts.

I try to control the clear and absurd negative thoughts by just stoping the thinking process. I midway tell myself its not happening, nothings happening or hum something alound - only enuf loud for my ears- to distract myself. Listening to music helps too, something to keep the brain occupied and away from the thoughts. It is difficult as it is not in control but I try and try and try.

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