Alone, Childless and Age 60
Hello Ms Puck;
I know that it has been a year since you posted this, however I am new & am in the same boat & age bracket as you are & I would really like to correspond w/ you as a way to help us both. Your post validated my experiences as only a fellow sufferer could, Ms Puck.
B/c of long standing Depression I also decided not to have children. I didn't want to inflict the pain of depression on innocent babies through genetics or through my symptoms, which at times affected my abilities and rendered me apathtic and tearful.
As much as I wanted to make a family for myself, I wanted to be a loving mother who would never harm her children or unwittingly damage them, even more. I wanted to stop the cycle.
I started seeking help back in the 'dark ages' for Unipolar Major Depression, or as a Dr recently called it much to my dismay, 'Garden Variety Depression'. I was then and continue to be very tired, yet suffer with severe insomnia. I'mm extremely depressed,unmotivated, apathetic, yet kind & considerate too.
With each passing day I am becoming more slothful, disorganized, forgetful & forgetable. I'm also patient, giving, forgiving & lonely.
I have taken all the Anti-depressant meds over and over again, for almost Four decades, except for the Anti-Psychotics & Anti-Convulsants, as no Dr ever suggested them.
The saddest heartache is not that I have spent a financial fortune on Dr's & at Pharmacies & now have little security on which to grow old. Nor is it that I wasted my life searching for effective treatment to no avail...No...The absence of love in my life from 'my own family'-the children & grandchildren never born, plus the lack of respect, understanding & love from my parents, siblings, nieces, nephews, other family members, friends, & peers, all due to depression, is my saddest heartacle.
Depression is only now becoming widely known as an illness and not as an excuse for inattention, laziness or stupidity. I strove to always take the high road & make good choices, which for the most part I did, except for the major omission of not telling my former husband before marriage, a terrible mistake! I faked 'normal', I suppose. It was Exhausting!!! While I knew 'Something was wrong',I really didn't even know what i
