Newbie, any advice appreciated!
Drew,
You're about to experience a whole new journey with CBT, one that will silence the chattering thoughts AND help you deal with the agoraphobia. I've never gone to an organized CBT session, just what's here on TPC, but I'm so glad I did. It's amazing how CBT processes help us take charge. I was a reluctant believer. How can I conquer something just by thinking it out of existence? And yet, day by day, my thought processes changed.
There's an old story by Nathaniel Hawthorne called "The Bosom Serpent." This guy believes he has a snake living in his body. It's driving him nuts. Then one day his wife, fed up with his mania, tells him "forget yourself!" It works. Self-contemplation had nurtured the serpent. Once he was able to detach from himself and his mania, the serpent left his body. For me the story is a parable of the importance of coming out of ourselves -- finding peace by turning our sights outward instead of inward.
CBT will help with that. The stuff in your head is self-propagating. By tuning in, you're giving it more importance than it merits and causing it to grow. CBT will train you in detaching from it.
We live in fear of fear. We fear the voices and chattering because they make us feel like we're going crazy. And it's so awful, you start to wonder if life will ever be spontaneous and glorious and anxiety-free. IT WILL. You remember that world. It's still yours. Grab every souvenir and photograph and memento of that time and focus on those better days ... believe me, they'll be yours again. You'll be so far from where you are now you'll scarcely relate to the Drew of these posts. The sun will rise again. You WILL be happy.
If you need someone by your side to get you through this, by email or skype or whatever, let me know. But remember, we ALL get through it!
Will
