Last night I had to go to the local children's hospital for my kiddo. He is sick. And I was exhausted, like really really tired. Which made me really anxious. Then we hit some traffic (not too much though surprisingly) and got more or less lost having to take a detour due to construction. By the time we got there my anxiety was super high and I was even more tired. Well, we start going through the process of arrival and triage etc so we can see the doctor and I am hanging in there. Then we get sent to the last waiting room where we wait before seeing the doctor.
That waiting room is very bright and loud. I sat there and tried to stay calm but I ended up panicking. Usually I would have made a big fuss and asked to go home NOW! like without seeing the doc. But this time I took my clonazepam. And I closed my eyes and waited. Then I spotted a hospital volunteer and asked if it was okay if I lay across the seats whereI was because I wasn't feeling well. She was a sweetheart, she said of course and even fetched me a sheet so I am not lying down directly on the plastic seat. Once I was lying down with my eyes closes I started talking to myself to calm myself down.
Then we were called to the room where you see the doctor. I lay down on the bed/table there while we waited. By the time the doctor came I was much less anxious.
We spoke to the doctor. I am not sure his explanations as to what is wrong with my kiddo are reassuring but they are the best I have. At least I have been told what to do and what to watch for.
Then we headed home and we even stopped for a treat and I waited patiently in the car.
I realized that had this happened a while back it would have been way worse. I would not only panic about being stuck there to wait. I would have asked to go home. But also I would have been way too concerned with what people think to do what I needed to get over the panic attack (in this case lying down and closing my eyes.) I would have wondered what would people think of me and I wouldn't have taken as good care of myself for fear of judgement.
I realized that last night I felt very little discomfort when it came to people wondering.
Anyway, just wanted to relate that. Have a good day. Me I have to go take care of my sick kiddo. He is not in daycare today due to illness.
