Thank you that I am not alone. I have more friends here than I do in person. I talked to my parents and feel better. I'm not going to do anything until March 16th, because if George loses his job and decides he wants to move in with my parents, then we don't have to move twice (with me moving earlier). I think what I need to work on most is cutting the cord with my daughter. I am too dependent on her and she cannot support me the way I need her too. She's already separated herself from me, I have to do it on my end. It will be healthier for me, but I don't know how to do it. George can move me down to Florida if he doesn't want to leave LaPlata. That way my daughter is out of the equation. I laid it out for George and I have my plan for whatever scenario may unfold. My parents said they'll put up a fenced yard for my dogs and they will turn the air conditioning down lower and re: the blasting shower, where I can't breathe, I can use their bath tub, and they can put my bed out in the living area if it's too hot in the room or too small and claustrophobic. I know I can adjust to living there. I don't know how long it will take, but eventually I will get used to the house and the area and it will become familiar and then I will feel like that is home more than my LaPlata home. I feel more stable now, so if you are unable to post, rest assured, I will be alright. I've calmed down at this point. I felt better when you said that separations can have a bit of a back and forth. Re: the more certain of the choice, the better I will be able to build a new life. I agree. I missed my daughter and came back to Maryland to be closer to her. I know I've given a million and one reasons of why I came back, but there's truth in all of them. I've kind of run out of steam in mid thought, so I'm going to end this post and get a coffee and re group my thoughts.
I will post as much as I can today Shari. Just a warning though I have meetings and deadlines on the schedule but I will make as much time as I can.
Ok take a deep breath. Your life is not screwed up. Trust me you are much better off then a lot of people - you know what you want, you know what's important to you, you can actively get what you want (and you have before) and you have a plan.
You are a very strong woman Shari and you will get through this. Thoroughly think through this choice - there is no rush. This is a big, important choice and you don't want to be waffling (not saying you are) because that would be very stressful for you and your daughter. Try not to take offence to what your daughter said; I'm sure she just wants the best for you. Separations like this can take time and have a bit of back and forth - the more certain you are of this choice the better you will feel and the better able you will be to start building a different, for fulfilling for yourself. I know how hard it can be in the "limbo" state and I know how it feels to think everything is screwed up. It sucks...a lot! But remember everything happens for a reason. You will learn from this, you will grow from this and your life will be better for facing this.
I'm not doing well at all right now. I got an email from my daughter saying she doesn't know how much longer she will be willing to help me move down there, if I'm only going to continue the cycle and move back. That was a kick in the stomach. She doesn't realize that when she moves to California all I have is my parents and when I don't have them, I don't have anybody. I'm barely hanging on by a thread right now. I talked it out with George and he knows the plan. My parents said I can come back. My whole life is so screwed up, I don't see any hope at all right now. I'm really in bad shape. If someone could keep posting with me, I would appreciate it.
George and I dropped my van off at Mr. Tire for repairs and then went to breakfast at Panera Bread for coffee and bagels. We got into a discussion about various topics. When I brought up moving from LaPlata, he said the house will never sell. I said that's why we're selling the land. He said, we won't get much. Which means he lied AGAIN and promised we would move, but now we are not. I'M DONE. He is never going to move from this house and if I stay with him, I'm going going to live and die in this house. It's not a marriage, he calls all the shots and always has and always will. If I want to get out of this house, the only way I can do it, is to move back in with my parents. Before my daughter leaves for California, I'm going to have her help me move down there again and fly her back. And, I'm going to stay there the rest of my life. My parents are leaving their house in their Will for me. And, I'll still get allowance from George, and health insurance, even if we're married and separated, so I'll get by. If he wants a divorce, I'll get alimony, and be able to live just fine. When I lived in Florida over the summer I had high anxiety and insomnia. So, I may have to go to a doctor and temporarily get medication. I thought I could stay in my daughter's room which isn't on the hot side of the house.
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