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Talking to Friends and Family

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Maggie

This is the closest we can get to group therapy with one advantage, it is 24/7. It is hard to believe this can be cured until you see it actually happen. Like watching a caterpillar turn into a butterfly. Even it takes time, but look at the end result.

I too hope none of my friends or family ever experiences a panic attack, even if it means they will never understand. As far as not being able to do some things. Everybody has something they can't do. They mostly avoid it or don't need it but if you can find out what it is it helps them a bit to understand. It is amazing what extremes people will go to to avoid things that cause stress without even knowing they do it. Some of it is wrote off to superstitions. An acceptable excuse for avoiding things.

Here for you,

Davit

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 63

I like this topic..

To be totally honest I don't think anyone friends, family etc.. can understand what we feel unless they have experienced some type of anxiety or panic attack. My husband does not understand and that makes it very difficult for me. I tell him I pray to God that he NEVERS experiences a panic attack in his life. Things he tells me which sometimes true is that it's all in my mind and I can control it. Yes, I know it's all in my head but it feels real. If it were that easy I would not have this problem. I had a really close friend who I truly considered my best friend I tried to explain to her what I had and she did not understand. She would ask me why, why can't you do this or go here or do that? She would tell me, I don't understand. It made it so much harder for me.

I decided not to discuss it with anyone unless they also have experienced this. It makes it easier it's like we are from the same world when you talk to people who have the same problem you do. I do feel that I have gotten so much better. This program and researching about anxiety & panic attacks and how common this problem is. I was so amazed to know how many people suffer from this. I do believe like Davit says this is curable. It's not an easy journey but there is hope.

It takes time, patience, and sometimes we even have setbacks. We just need to continue to move forward!

Maggie

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

Hi,

There's been lots of times in my life with my wondeful hubby when he's threw his hands up in the air and said

" Juanita, I just don't know what I can do for you...tell me what I can do to help "

Of course, my usual replies were"I don't know, I don't even know how to help myself" So how could I fault him when I wasn't even sure of how I could help myself.

Until last year, when I came to this program..when I learnt how I could help myself, he was right there with me, encouraging me to do the work, staying beside me when I asked, and going away when I asked.

I think I used to expect him to read my mind, and when he didn't I was hurt. I now realize that I must vocalise my needs, and its a good thing to do.

I remember years ago, when I was in panic, he would offer his help. In my ignorance of how to deal with my nerves, I'd say "Get me a cup of tea"...more to keep him from hovering over me, because we both knew we didnt know how to help me.

Don't get me wrong, there's also been lots of times when he would get frustrated with me, especially of my fear of seeing doctors.

Anyhow, he's made lots of tea over the years, ha ha

Thats the really great thing about this site...we all know what its like.

Juanita

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

No you are right. Remember that here I can associate with every thing you say because I have seen or felt it too. There is very little that surprises me. My family does not want to recognize that I am not perfect, Lord knows they aren't too. They have this misunderstanding of the situation. They think that this is disease and will not admit that we could have a disease in the family and friends seem to think that if they admit it exists they will catch it by association. It is so stupid.

First off it is a curable condition, not a disease. Second you can not catch it in the literal sense.

(you can inherit it from your parents or peers by reacting to how they treat you.) You may well have to do this on your own if you can not get them to understand. Out of sight out of mind. It is so much easier than having to deal with it and since they can not see or feel your pain it seems okay to them.

I had a nurse say to me,"why can't you do this, why does it bother you, every one can do this"

I told her that everyone has something they just can not do, they don't notice if it can be avoided and doesn't affect there life. She opened her mouth to comment and then shut it when she realized that there were things she can not do also. See and she would consider herself normal and me crazy. I'm not crazy, I'm just different.

The confusion and expectation and hurt comes in because you expect them to understand and help. But they can't because they don't understand. It is not neglect it is ignorance. This is why they can forget what to do. They have no knowledge or understanding. It does not mean they don't love you. See we understand that is why we can give support so easy. That is why I am here for you. I did not have support till now.

Here for you,

Davit.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 376

i don't know Jason... I get confused about this (oh gee... something else that confuses me... what a surprise!) When I tell family members what I'm struggling with they look at me blankly and then nod like they understand. They don't want to talk about it. They don't want to acknowledge it. I appear to be fine and as long as I take care of my responsibilities they don't seem to want me to be able to do more for myself... I'm not explaining this very well.... um, as long as I stay in my cozy little box of fear and take care of their needs while doing it........ it doesn't really matter what's going on inside. No... it's not that it doesn't matter... it's that they just don't want to know... because if they do "know" .... then .....

See? I told you was confused.

When I do tell them exactly what I'm dealing with and how they can help.... then I expect them to acknowledge and support and when they don't.......... when they "forget" .......... it hurts way more than when I just keep quiet and we all pretend they don't know.

So the main problem is with my expectations of support. I think. I'm not sure

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 223

Members,

It is often difficult to share the difficulties you are currently experiencing with friends and family. Many often debate as to whether or not informing family and close friends would be beneficial.

Remember, what you tell your friends and family is up to you. What you can say probably depends on what your friends and family are like. Some people may try to understand your problems and respond to you with support. Others may not understand and have trouble supporting your efforts to get better. Seek support from those who are most likely to give it.

If you decide to tell a good friend or a supportive family member about your anxiety, just tell them the facts. Tell them that you believe that you're struggling with anxiety and that you're trying to do something about it. If you've been trying to hide your anxiety from someone, sharing this information may help them understand your behavior. If you tell them that you have a problem and that you're working on it, good friends and supportive family members usually want to know how they can help. Tell your good friends and family that just knowing that they're trying to understand your depression and support you is important to you. You can tell your supporters that they can help by learning more about anxiety. The more they understand it, the better they can help. If you're having trouble explaining how you're feeling, you may decide to point them in the direction of this web site.

Below are a number of general suggestions for what you might say to friends and family members who want to help you cope with an anxiety disorder:

    * Only offer to help me if I ask you
    * Try to let me be in control of my treatment and recovery even if it seems that I want you to take charge
    * Try to stay positive, and be patient with me
    * Be prepared for my successes and setbacks

We now invite the members of the group to share how they told their family and friends. We also invite anyone who may be struggling with this problem to share it among the group so that solutions may be brainstormed!

Jason, Health Educator

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Talking to Friends and Family