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Coping with Work

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 250

I agree with the last post. "Why are we harder on ourselves?"

Yesh! I am happy you are making it. Keep at it!

This program give me hope, and I hope you have the hope you need too...lots of hopes :)

Take care!

Kendra

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Teebs: Why are we harder on ourselves than on others? If your best friend was going through this experience you'd probably be very supportive and understanding of her need to take a break. Right? Well, we are just as important as our friends. You haven't failed, you tried and your body told you it needed a break. Keep practicing small steps. Remember, crawl before you walk, walk before you run. Cheering for you.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 286

Thanks everyone for your responses - as always they help a lot.

Sunny - Giving myself a break is definitely something I need to work on. I keep telling myself baby steps are okay. As soon as I do one thing successfully my instinct is to go right on to something harder, but I do need to take time to adjust. Thanks for reminding me, as it helps to hear it from someone else.

Davit - I had been taking Xanax before boat shifts before I stopped work, but I didn't like how much I was using it. My decision for now is to know and accept why it happened and continue to work on agoraphobia without the boat for now - it was just too much. The panic attack two days ago was so bad (definitely a 10/10) I still feel like I'm recovering from it - ugh. The thought of being sick is something else I'm going to have to work on at some point. I haven't thrown up for 14 years - I somehow have control over it too.

Red - Thank you. I'm trying to let the boat experience go for now, and plan to take another shift or two at work this week. Hopefully I can just build on that success. It really helps to hear you say it's a huge accomplishment, because I get frustrated sometimes when it just feels like baby steps like I said above. Why is it it's so much easier to focus on the rougher moments than to bask in the successes?

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 659

Teebs

Congratulation on your exposure success with going back to work. I admire your courage and determination. You persevered and you won. I am so happy for you and you must be very proud.... I would not let the boat experience upset you right now. You can try the boat again later if you want. What is important is to enjoy your success with being back at work and getting a handle on your anxiety at work. This is a huge accomplishment......

Way to Go

Red

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Teebs

I had an aunt on the island, so to go visit here I had to ride the ferry. On one trip it was rougher than usual. I went down to the truck to check on the animals and that was Ok because the focus was on the animals but when I went back up my wife had gone inside. Now Jennie was so self centred nothing bothered her but I couldn't do it. I had to go back outside where I could see the motion of the ferry. I had to be where I had some reference and some control or I was going to be sick and I will not let myself be sick. The very thought of being sick will give me panic. It increases my tendency toward claustrophobia. I used to go to the pub to play pool and have a beer, but that was it, one beer, maybe two if I was there for a long time. Any more and that feeling I was going to lose control and be sick. I had friends that would just be sick, get it over with and go on. I can't do that. It goes back to my childhood when I drank a bottle of lemon gin of all things and was so sick for hours. Now I know this is a normal reaction but you know the last time I threw up was when I lost my spleen. That was thirty years ago. Two bad experiences when I had no control over myself. You know that being in a situation you have no control of is Agoraphobia and it has a lot of sub phobias. Any one of those sub phobias can set off the larger, leaving you with the feeling "why can't I do this". I made the crossing back on the ferry but have never been on it again. But I did not know then what I know now. I think I could do it now, but I just do not know. My advice is know why it happened, accept that it happened and either stick to the office work for a while till you get better at being in a situation you have no control over. OR. take the xanax ahead of time and treat the boat like exposure till you can do it in comfort and then and only then try it without. Waiting till the panic is there is only going to make you feel like you failed. And you want to feel good not bad.

Good luck with what you decide and know that I am here for you and there with you also when it is not going good.

Your friend

Davit.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hi Teebs: I had to look up emetophobia. I wonder if maybe you could stick to the office work for now. Give yourself a little break, so to speak. It's o.k. to take baby steps until you are strong again. I think it's great that you went back to the office. Rome wasn't built in a day, as the saying goes. Be good to yourself. What would you tell your best friend? Give yourself a big hug as you would your friend. You deserve to take care of yourself right now. Sometimes we put too much pressure on ourselves to get it all done and over with. It doesn't work like that. Easy does it. I think you are doing very well going back to work for shifts. Take a little time to adjust to this, then when you are ready you can try the boat again. I know you wanted to try and you think you weren't successful because you took a Xanax. But the success is in that you tried! you didn't give up. Give yourself a pat on the back for what you have accomplished so far. You didn't quit! Don't worry, you'll get on that boat again when the time is right. These are my thoughts, hope they help you.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 286

Thanks Cleo.

I successfully worked the 4 hour shift in the office the other day without having a panic attack. I was anxious but my anxiety dropped from a 7 to a 3 while I was there and I was really happy with how it went.

Yesterday I went out on a 4 hour boat trip just for fun to try and enjoy the experience again without the added pressure of work. It didn't go as well - it was a rougher day and a lot of people got sea sick, and since I have emetophobia that triggered a full blown panic attack. Miserable - I ended up taking a Xanax just to survive the rest of the trip and get home. I'm trying not to think of it as a failure - instead it was an experiment and I learned something from it. That was too big of a step for me right now, and there is something about the boat that makes my anxiety worse than when I'm in the office.

I'm going to try and take another short office shift or two in the next week, but though I felt really good after the last shift the panic attack on the boat has shaken my confidence again, even though it was in a completely different situation. :-/

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

Good luck Teebs! You can do it! I know you can...let us know how it goes...

Cleo

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 286

Thanks for your thoughts Cleo. I think I do need to find another job, because this one isn't right for me anymore.

But, I want to prove to myself that I can do it - I don't want avoidance to win, so I want to work at least a few more shifts and survive it, hopefully decreasing my anxiety in the process. I'm going in for a 4 hour shift in half an hour - I'm really nervous! I'm tempted to take a Xanax ahead of time but I'm not going to - I'll just bring it along just in case. I'm trying to challenge all my negative talk, telling myself I might get through it just fine! Wish me luck....

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

Hi Teebs,

I am sorry that you are having such a hard time with whether or not to return to your job.

Can you find another job? I read that this job is right up your alley, but maybe a change for a bit would do you good? Something different, but at least then you will be earning some money , which is important to you to make you feel worthwhile,and at the same time shifting your focus , easing some of your anxiety. . Just a thought.

Here for you

Cleo

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